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Some on the spot observations +1 for this:

It is as if Steve Jobs™ has kidnapped them, implanted something terrible, and returned them – as iZombies.

Moving along. Nothing to see here. Just another mediocre anti-tech or anti-connected rant.
He did have a point about the drunk dial app though :D
Agreed! I think the most worthwhile part of the article was the initial caption:

"Do you really never want to get lost again?"

I was actually quite touched by that point. Unfortunately, everything past that was masturbatory.

Yes, that caption gave me high hopes for the article. I thought it might be about slow living, enjoying the journey, and how optimizing these things make them harder to enjoy. Instead, it was just a trite lambasting of apps I'd never be caught using, rolled into a broad brush to paint the entire userbase.
Upvoted. This article is cute, but boils down to just another vacuous diatribe against some nonspecific issue gleaned from the latest trend, gilded with verbiage.
That is one crazy lede: If you have an iPhone, you may be reading this with an app. A newspaper? Made of paper? Go and suck an arrow and protest against feudalism by dying of plague, Luddite.