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Ask HN: How do I start to care again?

16 points by throwaway611 ↗ HN
For the last two years I've been facing the problem in my work which caused a lot of problems: I stopped to care about products I work on.

I am pretty sure my co-workers from the previous company, and now from the present one, think I am an average developer. And maybe I am, it doesn't matter in this case, but I am for sure at least twice as better as they think I am.

The problem is not them - the problem is me. They've never got to see me working in my full power.

I haven't lost my passion to programming, though. I do enjoy working on my side project a lot. However, when I come to the office and see all the deadlines, all the management fuck ups, all the other guys who are either too perfectionist or the opposite - I can't help myself but I just allocate like 20% of my capacity and deliver code that I wouldn't want to see others to deliver - I basically don't care. I just do the task in the easiest and laziest way possible. I want to finish the day and go home to work on something or read something technical which is more interesting.

And I am not a perfectionist and have never been. I do understand problems business faces outside of development part and I can accept trade offs when they are needed.

I could say the problem is the company or the product, but I changed it 6 months ago and went to one which looked more interesting, providing enough challenges - still it haven't helped me.

I struggle to recognize the problem and hope somebody from outside can judge it better than I can myself.

4 comments

[ 4.7 ms ] story [ 13.2 ms ] thread
Broken_Hippo
From my experience, I'd say a couple of things. First, it sounds like you have a poor fit for a job and that you are bored. I'd first assess what would make your job seem better if this is the case, and then either speak to a supervisor about your situation (there might be some help if they are good), look for another job, or learn to accept that the job means x. If you look into it and can't see yourself being happier at another job, I'd take a look into your mental health. Anxiety and/or depression can have some of those sorts of life results.
Dmitry_Bryliuk
solving mental problems is a great way. but... no guarantee it can cope with the problem stated.

long years of practice really helped me with mental/physical health and solving major psychical problems, but can do nothing with my job. even it was period we have no load, but still full salary, it was total demotivation to do something at office (even for my own). btw office was fine, big and with little people, alowing almost live in it.

since our department was disbanded, I still do not want again going at work, it seems very horrible.

so the outcome - you may have to change something in your life. no idea what. try.

Broken_Hippo
No, you are correct, it won't solve the problems. But if someone is having trouble caring about life/work And having trouble making changes to fix it, taking care of mental health, if there is reason, makes it easier to actually make the life changes required or make it easier to find some sort of contentment with your current life.
iDemonix
Sorry I can't offer help, but I feel the exact same way.

I used to love coding and so on, but my current company is pretty terrible at everything it does, but for personal reasons I can't realistically leave for a while.

The only thing that helps me is to take some time off now and then and focus on my hobbies, and remember that my work funds those hobbies.