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Can't really read the whole thing at work as I feel self-conscious reading a page tiled in labradors on work time.
I'm just going to come out and say it, you are complaining about the look of a website created by a blind man.

FWIW, the lab background is not there on my phone.

As a blind programmer I'd love to use this. Unfortunately none of the Linux packages are kept up to date and in the passed I've had issues building from source. There is now a Windows version but I can't get emacs-eclim to work under Windows. Other then emacs-eclim it does not look like there is a good solution for integrating with JAVA and Maven that is kept up to date. If anyone has any ideas I'd like to hear them.
Here's an interesting article about the history and features of Emacspeak, written about a year ago:

http://emacspeak.sourceforge.net/turning-twenty.html

The text-to-speech engine he said he was still using in that article (Eloquence) is the one you can hear in the videos referenced in another comment.