Ask HN: What's your #1 pain point when asking for a raise?

40 points by mgadams3 ↗ HN
I'm creating a "stress-free" guide to salary negotiation for software engineers, and I'd love to know what those in this community feel has been the biggest pain in the butt or burning question when it comes to getting a raise.

I'll reply with advice to your questions here as well (I've helped hundreds of SEs already, but want to do more research), thanks for taking the time to help me out!

64 comments

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- Just like a job interview, you need to anticipate the questions / objections that might be brought up, and prepare to pre-empt them.

could be something random where you dropped the ball on something in the past year, and you almost forgot about it, but it would be brought in the review process.

Do I openly say that I've been interviewing, received job offers, etc?
Although i would argue that asking for a raise should always come first, before interviewing. If it doesn't happen you do interview and leave the company.

It is also good to interview occasionally to simply know your current market rate. If you're already got offers though, it sounds like you know it as is.

Exactly. You don't want them to feel like you're overly mercinary and didn't even give them a chance to fix the problem by just being open about how you feel you're not being paid what you're worth. There is a LOT that goes into that first conversation being an effective one and even more that goes into the follow up. But absent progress, ultimately highest leverage way to get them to move is to objectively establish your value with a competing offer. The largest raises I've ever seen have come on the heels of informing your company about another offer, but that's only valuable to you in THIS job if you're wanderlust hasn't already taken full root.
I'd be worried that the risk of disclosing offers is that the response might be "sorry, can't match, good luck there." In which case you'd need to be prepared to take those offers. If you tried to stay after they can't meet your offer, they probably won't take this claim seriously ever again.
"I really appreciate the work you do and think you do deserve a 20% bump, but I am confident HR will shut this down becase of [budget/end of year/upcoming org changes/bad lunch yesterday]. We'll do our best and get back to you [soon/never]."

Another big one is the "We are locked by HR on base comp, but we'll be sure to make you whole at year end!". When year end comes you dont get paid anyway (if they know you won't leave).

Would love to find a stress free counter to these :)

EDIT: Ultimately, IMO, you must be ready to walk out when negotiating a raise. Otherwise you won't get anything material.

> you must be ready to walk out when negotiating a raise

This. Otherwise they can say any sad story or excuse and make you stay forever without a raise...

In smaller companies where decision makers are usually more empathetic towards the employee, there are various other ways you can get them to move without having to use an external offer as leverage. At bigger companies that are more restricted by process, they do this for a reason and ultimately data speaks louder than words. Assuming you've exhausted the usual strategy of establishing your value that is not fully compensated and they're just not moving, if you have a competing offer for $20k more, they now have no choice but to increase the urgency with how they approach you up the chain.
This is very important. You have to make sure you have the upper hand. This has been successful for me even in the private sector. I left a department once with another offer in hand, and they were willing to rewrite the job spec (and salary range) to convince me to stay. The other offer was more lucrative with more upward mobility, so I ended up leaving anyway, but it's a much better experience when you don't have anything to lose.
I'm not sure if this is addressing the question precisely, but I think it's relevant. One of the main things I've learned over the years is that you have to be your own advocate when it comes to raises/promotions. I've known a lot of developers who became disgruntled over years because they didn't think the company was taking the initiative and giving them what they thought they're worth.

It wasn't until it sunk into my head that, generally speaking, there's an inherent conflict of interest between employer and employee. The employer wants to get the best bang for their buck; have talented people work for them at the lowest reasonable price. On the opposite end, the employee obviously wants to get paid the most they can get. It's because of this that (most of the time) an employer won't proactively seek out reasons to pay you more. Once I truly realized this, I became a stronger advocate for myself (because nobody else will be). This is usually the advice I give to younger developers who are working their way up the latter.. aside from saying that you should actually build your case for why a raise/promotion is appropriate. Do the work - do more than is expected of you - and be your own advocate.

Yes, this conflict exists. On the other hand, if a large gap appears between an employees' salaries and their market rate, that increases the company's turnover.

Turnover is very expensive, somewhere between 6 months and 2 years of salary per employee that turns over. So an employer should proactively offer raises to keep their employees' salaries near market rate and help avoid turnover costs.

It's short-sighted to keep salaries low. That's not to say companies don't do short-sighted things though...

Here is my current situation. I don't know if it'll help much.

I got a job about 4 years ago as a software engineer which required my wife and I to move to a new state (away from family). I actually wanted to move out of state which is why I applied for the job in the first place. We had no commitments. We lived in a small modest apartment. The first two years I received a raise and a bonus without me having to negotiate at all.

Within the past two years however, we bought our first house and had our first child. I have not received a raise or bonus these past two years. Now is the time I actually need it.

I fell into the trap. They were willing to pay to keep me here but now that I'm stuck here, they don't need to offer me an incentive to stay. I've lost my leverage when I bought a house and had a kid.

Are you in a job market with a lot of alternatives?

Also you're not stuck there. People with houses and kids move. It's not as easy, but you aren't exactly treading new ground.

I can totally relate and it's easy to feel trapped or helpless, especially when you've got kids to provide for (I've got 2 of my own).

What makes you feel like you've lost your leverage b/c of your family obligations? It seems unlikely that you have... but a deep examination of what makes you feel that way is important.

Right. It seems like we've finally settled down so starting the whole process again (interviewing, selling the house, moving, etc...) is something I'm not looking forward to. If the trend continues then it'll certainly have to be done.
Are you in a small enough market that moving companies without moving locations feels like your only choice? Have you concidered remote work?
You didn't lose your leverage. You just feel like you lost your leverage.

There are people out there who will hire you remote. In our job it's perfectly feasible to work remote. And don't discount the possibility of other companies in the state as well.

If you are good at what you are doing, make sure you have saved money for at least 3 months of living. That is your leverage back. Then ask for a raise - if they keep saying "it's not the best time for the company" and other bs, just quit. Go to a nice vacation, refresh your mind and start looking for something new. If you don't feel secure about finding a new job start looking now, before you even ask for a raise. That should make you more confident.
Why burn an income when the situation doesn't seem dire yet? Take the vacation, come back refreshed, if things are still not good enough, start looking, but keep your paycheck.

Many people assume that not being local to the company is a non-starter. My experience has been that companies will make a lot of things happen for the right fit. Network, talk to people and see if you can fill the need that company has.

Of course you can do that, but in my opinion that just delays the change. If your company hesitate to give you a raise I doubt you will increase your chances by taking holidays.
It's something I've long since learned to get past but when I was first starting out the biggest pain point was learning that I am worth getting the top end of the market salary for what I do not the low or mid range of the market salary.

It didn't really get better till I learned that if necessary I could always get a raise by switching companies.

If I could sum it up I would say the biggest pain point was knowing my own worth in the market.

How did you figure out which salary bracket you fit into?
I picked the bracket that was 1 higher than the one I "felt" like I was in. Human Beings tend to lowball ourselves. After a few times of doing this and seeing them meet your price though you start to get a sense of your own worth.
I get a raise every year without asking. I frequently get offers from other companies that are willing to pay me much more than I currently make. The biggest stress is that I don't want a raise.

What I want is to work less. I currently work slightly less than 40 hours a week, and have a few weeks of vacation. Ideally I would like to work 4 or fewer days per week and have 5+ weeks of vacation time per year. I have attempted to negotiate this with my current employer as well as potential ones. I have never been successful. Everyone wants me to waste my life away sitting at a desk in their office.

TL;DR: How do I successfully negotiate more time off instead of more money?

Become an independent consultant/contractor.
Does that come with health insurance and a 401k? I'm very risk averse.
No, you can usually increase your billable rate to make up for that difference. If for example your current salary would be $100k/2080 (work hours in a year) you'd be getting paid $48/hr. You'd likely set your contracting rate at at least $60/hr to make up for the difference or no PTO, insurance, 401k, etc.
Also in the US, tack on an additional 7.65% for Social Security and Medicare taxes that would normally be paid by the employer, which is now technically yourself.
> Social Security and Medicare taxes

Why do they show up as being deducted from your salary in your statements then?

Because as a W2 employee you pay half and your employer pays half. As a W9 employee (contractor), you pay both.
It does come with a 401k, and you buy your own health insurance.
Which isn't terribly different than being employed. Your employer probably pays 80% of your health insurance premium and you pay the rest. It's all just part of your comp package that you need to sort out if you decide to start a consulting business.
In my experience I have found it more difficult to work less days and take holidays as a contractor. The company that is paying for your services expects complete short term dedication on delivering the project, and that is what you should provide. You can take longer breaks between contracts but again I have found that not to be the case as you always want to have more work lined up for a steady income stream.
I can understand that. You do need leverage to negotiate such a deal - a niche skill, or familiarity with an existing codebase.
Congrats BTW... I know there are many who would love to be in your situation.

You could try to disconnect your employer's association with your butt in a chair in the office with the value the get from paying you. One way to do that is to negotiate a remote work arrangement, Tim Ferris or Remote by 37 Signals have some great advice about how to do that.

As far as actually setting an expectation that you will work 4 days a week when everyone else works five, unless you've established yourself as a particurally irreplaceable piece of their puzzle.. you're probably going to need to find an employer that embodies that culture, I know there are various companies that do 4 day work weeks. It becomes really difficult for employers to justify why one person isn't around when everyone else is, they're afraid of the dominos... wether justified or not. Again... remote work makes this much easier.

Apply for a remote job! I work the hours I want, and took >5 weeks vacation this year. As long as I ship, nobody really minds when/where I work.
I work 60 hours a week with 2 weeks vacation a year. I am also not highly paid. I would love to work at a place that just required the normal 40 hours a week.
Same here. I would gladly trade some of my income for more free time, but I was immediately shut down when I tried to discuss it with my employer. It would be great if companies started opening up to this idea.
What's worked for me for the past ten years was to negotiate to be an hourly employee at hiring time. In that position, there's no conflict of interest if I work 30 hour weeks, or take two extra weeks of unpaid vacation.

Once I'm at the job, I just take a normal raise when it comes along. That means I can then work less hours from that point forward for the same pay, giving me the same end result as what you're looking for without having to negotiate for something unusual every year.

I think the reason employers might be uncomfortable with letting you work four days is that it'll create the illusion of unfairness to your co-workers. They can't see how much you're getting paid, but you having a day off a week is very visible.

What kind of work do you do, and what kind of companies are letting you do this setup?
This is easier to do when getting hired on as a long term contractor for development work.
Freelance. I do 4 days a week, or rather I will after spending a year at home with my family, whilst doing odds and sods to keep me ticking over.
I did this for a few years -- after my son was born, I started working 30 hour weeks and got paid 75% of my "real" salary, while staying employed normally. Went back full time this year but it worked great while I was doing it.

Don't really have any advice; I started as a regular full time employee, and after 9 months or so went to my manager, said "how about I only work 30 hours?" and he said "sure". No issues at all. So just have to find the right company I guess.

I need "real" salary data for my area. Both as someone who asks for raises & gives them.
Objective Criteria is your best friend... Are you in a major market? The usual suspects of glassdoor, angel.co and annual market surveys typically have pretty good data, but it can be tricky in smaller market or in a very niche position.
https://www.glassdoor.com/index.htm and https://www.onetonline.org have always been reliable data points. I do find that they are typically 10% lower than what I've been offered for various positions and 20% lower than what I was able to negotiate for.
Last time I was looking into it, Glassdoor didn't seem to do a good job of covering bonuses and stock grants, which are very important factors.
That's true for larger companies like Facebook and Google that grant stock and other forms of comp. But for most companies you're primarily compensated through a salary.
for me, its the realization that if i don't get what I want, i risk feeling disheartened about my job in the future - especially if its a job i enjoy.

there is a risk/reward benefit that one enters by asking for a raise, where if all things were to stay the same, I could walk away relatively unscathed.

this could change depending on whether or not you were asking for a raise because you feel you deserve it, financial necessity, or both.

How can I negotiate a salary raise if my Manager isn't the person who decides whether to make the raise or not?

He only makes recommendations and more often than not those recommendations are not listened to by central HQ. Should I ask to talk with the section director? What is a viable strategy in this case? I am preparing a viable BATNA at the moment.

In any case I'm very interested in those recommendations!!

I think "having to ask" is the #1 pain point.

Money is usually not a topic people are comfortable talking about.

In my mind, if you have to ask for a regular raise, then your company isn't treating you fairly in the first place. It's one thing to ask for a change in your salary because you feel you're underpaid, but it's worse when your company doesn't even have an annual evaluation and accompanying raise.
This is bang on. Anyone here willing to share how you convince yourself to ask for a pay raise?
I search for other, comparable positions, and see what I _could_ get if I jumped ship. At my previous job, I asked for a raise when I realized I was being paid significantly below market rates. They gave me a decent bump, but not enough for me to stay at the company when I got another (higher) offer.
Know that you deserve it. I keep an up to date LinkedIn profile, and when recruiters contact me I ask them if the position they're hiring for will pay more than a certain figure (my benchmark is usually 50% more than my current annual salary). Your benchmark value may be higher or lower, but either way it should help you gauge market conditions.

Also when you're taking a broader market into consideration, be sure to consider quality of life. Yes I may get more money somewhere, but it might be a miserable product/team/culture which reduces the value of that position. Or I might have a shorter commute, fewer hours or more vacation, which would add to the value of the other position.

> you must be ready to walk out when negotiating a raise

that's so true...

As a person who decides salary and raise and bonus I would like to hear about your impact. Many requests are because "you need it" or its what's paid elsewhere.

Open with: I built the good thing that saves us $5k/mo. My design is clean and easy for a new guy to maintain. My work-product is obviously valuable and from that I deserve financial recognition.

When I used to negotiate my own salary I used that approach. one time (in 2001) it worked to take my salary up by $3k/mo - I had only been there 3 months.

Be prepared to walk. Remember that recruiters can get you a new gig in weeks. Hold that for 6mo while finding the right one

True story. I was earning £50,000 in London ~ 6 years ago. I asked for a £10K raise after I'd been given more responsibilities and had taken up mentoring duties too. I was given a £5K bonus and told to wait until year end for a £5K salary rise. I wasn't satisfied but was informed that HR had overruled the dev manager. I was offered a lucrative contract as a freelancer, so I resigned. I was immediately offered £70K, another bonus and an improved benefits package, because HR has called my bluff and got it wrong. I walked. Never looked back. Process. It's a killer.
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I have worked mainly at nonprofits. Some of them with lots of money, some with hardly any, but salaries are always taken from a relatively fixed budget. I've been fortunate that I've rarely had to ask for raises, but my eagerness to ask for more has absolutely been suppressed by the knowledge that if I got it, someone else wouldn't. (Sometimes my salary is coming from the same pool as my team's, even).
Knowing what other companies are actually offering for compensation without actually pursuing an offer. Sites like salary.com and glassdoor are helpful but I don't have a ton of faith in their numbers.

EDIT: I want to be certain what I think and claim is market rate is in fact market rate.