Ask HN: How do You write a Resume?

I don't know what in the world do recruiters expect from candidates, I bet they don't even have an idea about what they're doing!

I can't even show my problem solving skills because they don't give me the opportunity to do it!

What should I write? "Java, self-motivated, blah-blah..."

Do you have any tips about how to write a Resume? Care to share?

Are MOOCs worth to share in a Resume?

Thank you.

:)