Ask HN: How do I stop caring about success?

It's not a flaw. It's a drive. It should push you to better yourself and others around you.

Don't fall into a slump, just continue to learn and create until you are that successful.

This is a wonderful skill to have, I had it when I was in my late 20's to mid 30's. Have a child, you will get it!! They will make you slow down and appreciate what life is really about.

DISCLAIMER: Wall Street programmer / engineer

From just what you've written, it seems that this has more to do with your measure of success rather than success itself. You're looking for external factors to validate your success - Twitter followers, salary, names of companies on your resume. Ultimately, you have no control over whether someone decides to follow you on Twitter, hires you, or offers you an awesome salary/decides to invest in your startup. Sure, you can do all sorts of things that will motivate others to do those things, but that's not ultimately in your hands.

I think you would be better served if your measure of success came from within. What do you want to do? What goals do you want to accomplish? Which of those are in your power to do? I can make an awesome web app, but I can't make someone buy a subscription to it.

i can relate to what you're saying.

perhaps you have been listening to a certain set of messages, too loudly, for too long (the media is good at doing that to us.). you'll have to address this fact if you want to stop caring about external success. be honest with yourself: do you really want a phd bad enough to sacrifice 5 years and put in a lot of hard work? and sacrifice all the other things you won't do in those 5 years? maybe you do, maybe you don't, but it has to be something internal that drives you ultimately.

replace all the inputs going into your brain with some good reads and a journal to take notes in.

A couple good reads: - Seneca. he talks about not worrying about what fortune can give and take away, and to focus on things like virtues instead.

http://stoics.com/seneca_essays_book_1.html

- James Allen's "From Passion to Peace" -- he explores the conflict between passion vs aspiration

http://james-allen.in1woord.nl/?text=from-passion-to-peace

And serious fiction is always great too: Hemingway, Raymond Carver.

Hemingway: "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."

>I feel that I am overly obsessed with success.

Google top dying regrets. There are plenty of workaholic people who regret being succesful and spending too much time at work.

Don't measure your 'success' by what capitalist society says is success, measure your success in what YOU want for your life. When you stop paying attention to the worlds idea of what comprises a successful life you will then be an adult.

Your body's natural inclinations and functions, your health of body and mind is the only fucking thing that matters in the end.