I think the ending is kind of insightful, and somewhat vindicating for me (or just wishful thinking on my part). All of my dating experience has been within my friends pool (this includes random people I meet through friends, at parties, etc)... and I can't imagine doing it any other way. I can't imagine selecting someone simply based on their looks and asking them out knowing little to nothing about them, and I find that meeting people via common interests and networks is pretty awesome.
It's kind of vindicating that the only woman in the story who was successful at her task was the one who actually shared something in common with the guy, took the time to connect on that commonality, instead of merely picking out the hottest people in a crowd and trying to woo them.
this isn't intended to sound snarky ... but this article seems pretty long, and just by reading the first few paragraphs, i don't see the relevance to HN. could somebody who's read more of it post a summary for why it's HN relevant? i think that might encourage others to actually read it.
I always thought that HN didn't really have any standards for relevance other then just being an interesting article. The article isn't very hacker related, but it does keep me interested.
I agree. There is questionable relavance in this article(I say this even though I am good friends with one of the coaches in the article).
If it helps, when I first ran into my friend couple years ago, he was very average with women. It took couple years and 1000s of hours and lots of ego hits to get to where he is at now.
The subject in itself can be super hackerish but I wouldn't say this article is the best for geeking out on the nuances of dating!
this is a classic hacking story. the women are examining a social convention that everyone takes for granted, and trying to find a way to change it for the better.
As a guess (if you want to go looking for relevance):
It's set in San Francisco (Y-Combinator is in the Bay Area).
It's kind of about a social hack (pick up artistry).
Some conversations on HN indicate that people here are interested in how to promote gender equality, if only in terms of "how do we get more women into hacking?" type thing. This article explores an issue of gender equality: That women really can't pick up men the way men can pick up women. In that regard, things are still not equal (and maybe never will be).
FWIW: I'm female and could only manage to skim most of the article. <shrug>
I find it interesting that the women never discuss the high concentration of single men nearby -- yet outside of -- San Francisco, on the Peninsula and South Bay. Why is that?
Back in the early 00's when I lived on the Peninsula and went up to S.F. to try to meet women, I had no luck. They lost all interest after I would admit to living in Mountain View. Many of my friends from the south bay found the same attitude. So, I don't think it was just me.
I think that's a typical urban dweller looking down at the suburbs sort of thing, not necessarily specific to dating. You'd find the same thing from Manhattanites who find out you live in Queens or (god forbid) Long Island.
> "There's no pressure to grow up here," she says. "The way I act now is pretty much the same way I acted when I was 24. It's culturally reinforced here. Nobody cares that you're in your late 30s and have roommates."
Isn't the idea that being 'grown up' means "owning a house in the suburbs" part of what fueled the recent real estate bubble? Shouldn't we disenfranchise ourselves of the notion that you're not a 'grown up' until you have the responsibility of paying a mortgage?
That's applicable to cars too - when I bring up the fact that I am without car, people immediately take me less seriously. When I talk about the benefits of being car-free I get the whole "uh... suuuuure... if you insist" reaction.
"We don't even know what it is," Valencia said of some men she has encountered around the city. "Is it gay? Is it straight? Is it a friend? Is it a foe? Is it looking for a job? Is it looking for a place to crash?"
Maybe stop referring to guys as "its"? I'd certainly find that disturbing in a man talking about women.
Personally, I'm amused at the assumptions. Men who can't find a partner are somewhat pathetic, but if women can't find a partner of sufficient quality, something's just wrong with the city.
I've been in SF for 3 years. Dating (for a straight, successful, 30 year old normal single male) is nearly impossible. I've done the online thing, striking up conversations at bars, walking my friend's dog through Dolores park, etc. Even did Date & Dash once. I ended up meeting a cute Chinese girl, and we dated for about 2 months. However, it was really obvious that she was looking for a green card ("I want a baby!" in bed one night, and a very uncomfortable dinner with her uncle another night.) I definitely want to get married sooner rather than later and have a family, but 2 months is a little quick.
Its basically worse than hit or miss. I've had more "success" giving a cute girl a cigarette at the bus stop. At least that has led to an ongoing friendship, and in another instance having a good accountant. The last woman that I met of any reasonable quality was when I was having a couple of drinks with my gay roommate at a bar in the Castro. She was out with some of her friends, we got to talking, exchanged numbers etc. Went out on a few dates, then she flaked on me with no explanation.
Yeah, SF is a f*cked up place to try and meet anyone.
>One possible explanation is that in San Francisco, men who aren't gay, married, or damaged by a previous owner are decidedly cagey when it comes to dating and relationships.
Wow...that's over the top. "Owner"? It's not even a quote from an interviewee -- it's directly in the article.
21 comments
[ 5.7 ms ] story [ 31.7 ms ] threadIt's kind of vindicating that the only woman in the story who was successful at her task was the one who actually shared something in common with the guy, took the time to connect on that commonality, instead of merely picking out the hottest people in a crowd and trying to woo them.
If it helps, when I first ran into my friend couple years ago, he was very average with women. It took couple years and 1000s of hours and lots of ego hits to get to where he is at now.
The subject in itself can be super hackerish but I wouldn't say this article is the best for geeking out on the nuances of dating!
It's set in San Francisco (Y-Combinator is in the Bay Area).
It's kind of about a social hack (pick up artistry).
Some conversations on HN indicate that people here are interested in how to promote gender equality, if only in terms of "how do we get more women into hacking?" type thing. This article explores an issue of gender equality: That women really can't pick up men the way men can pick up women. In that regard, things are still not equal (and maybe never will be).
FWIW: I'm female and could only manage to skim most of the article. <shrug>
Back in the early 00's when I lived on the Peninsula and went up to S.F. to try to meet women, I had no luck. They lost all interest after I would admit to living in Mountain View. Many of my friends from the south bay found the same attitude. So, I don't think it was just me.
Isn't the idea that being 'grown up' means "owning a house in the suburbs" part of what fueled the recent real estate bubble? Shouldn't we disenfranchise ourselves of the notion that you're not a 'grown up' until you have the responsibility of paying a mortgage?
shrug
Maybe stop referring to guys as "its"? I'd certainly find that disturbing in a man talking about women.
Personally, I'm amused at the assumptions. Men who can't find a partner are somewhat pathetic, but if women can't find a partner of sufficient quality, something's just wrong with the city.
Its basically worse than hit or miss. I've had more "success" giving a cute girl a cigarette at the bus stop. At least that has led to an ongoing friendship, and in another instance having a good accountant. The last woman that I met of any reasonable quality was when I was having a couple of drinks with my gay roommate at a bar in the Castro. She was out with some of her friends, we got to talking, exchanged numbers etc. Went out on a few dates, then she flaked on me with no explanation.
Yeah, SF is a f*cked up place to try and meet anyone.
(Which, it seems, also noticed this same SF Weekly story.)
Wow...that's over the top. "Owner"? It's not even a quote from an interviewee -- it's directly in the article.