I see I do not speak much when I am inside, in front of the screen. I suggest you getting out, and putting yourself in situations where you have to speak...
I know you are asking for technological tool for this, but looks like the problem you are trying to solve is created by technology , so maybe the solution is non tech and getting away from the technology.
One of my kids suffered from selective mutism when she was younger. She would speak normally with family, but would not speak outside of the house at all, incl. at school. Not a single word for more than a year.
Creating safe situations where she was forced to speak is the #1 technique to treat that condition. The speech therapists used situations like going out to buy ice cream to get her to speak.
So, yea, think of situations that are comfortable but will force you to speak. It's a very effective technique.
Hosting wouldn't be. Speaking certainly could, but that would depend also on his familiarity of the topic.
The meetup crowd, usually, is really cool and understanding.
I was actually thinking of other volunteering events. Soup kitchens, building houses with habitat for humanity, anything really that's a group activity.
> Hosting wouldn't be. Speaking certainly could, but that would depend also on his familiarity of the topic.
Could you talk more about this? I have little to no anxiety about public speaking, but hosting a meetup sounds like a lot of work and stress to me. Are you talking about putting a new meetup group together from scratch, or asking a preexisting meetup group if you can MC for them one night, or some third thing?
Disclaimer: my experience is limited to London scene only.
Hosting a meetup is indeed a bit of extra work (I have just read the coordination notes our HR sent out, and oh boy...).
Offering to do a talk at an established, not too large meetup should be easy. Only the biggest and best known ones can pick and choose their speakers. Everybody else has to hunt, sometimes even beg for talks. As a result, these "lesser" meetups tend to be more casual. Nobody expects a professional, conference scene level of presentation.
So as long as you find a meetup that suits your taste, offering to do a talk every now and then should be more than welcome.
>Creating safe situations where she was forced to speak is the #1 technique to treat that condition. //
I was reading a piece on psychological mutism and the writer stated that the worst possible thing to do was attempt to force the child in to situations where they had to speak. There reasoning was that this lead to stress which increased the chances they wouldn't speak.
Sorry I can't cite the piece as I've lost the reference.
You're perhaps leaning that way? It hinges around what you mean by "force".
As someone who speaks far too much, I envy your problem :P
To give a more constructive (although nontechnical) answer, make friends with someone like me. (in the "talks too much" sense) Find someone who likes engagement, conversation, etc (hopefully in a domain of shared interest) and associate with them a lot. I've found a decent track record at getting quiet teammates to become more outspoken by engaging them on that level in a friendly environment on a regular basis, because then talking more becomes the norm.
There's even (at least from my perspective) mutual benefit as the same reduction-to-the-mean helps the more talkative party get better at listening/engaging quiet people too.
I'm a fan of signal to noise ratio over bandwidth when it comes to communication and think talking more isn't a problem if there's good content in it. The problem is that those with higher bandwidth oftentimes lower the signal or transmit at a rate too high for receivers, effectively lowering throughout to almost nothing. Thus, I also agree that being a good speaker has a fair bit to do with how well you listen and adjust.
A lot of people that don't talk much simply don't want to and they may not give any body language to indicate otherwise and more chatty people could be a nuisance as a result.
This is very good advice, as when I practiced for public speaking competitions one technique was to deliver readings or speeches in front of a mirror. In private. A bathroom is good because keeping volume at talking voice is kind of important, and it will probably improve speaking technique with practice and attention to desired goals.
Arthur C. Clarke wrote a short story in which a scientist invents such a device to measure how much his wife talks, relative to him. No idea how easy it could be, but it seems straightforward: connect speech recognition software to a mic and counts the number of words. The only problem could be detecting the speakers when there is more than one.
Why do you feel you speak so little? Is it because of insecurities, working alone or simply because you have little to speak about in the situations you are in?
Oftentimes people speak for the sake of being heard but don't add anything meaningful to the conversation. Then you get the quiet ones who speak very little but when they do, it is meaningful and everyone hears what they say.
I think a lot of us could benefit from learning how to do a little more listening and a little less speaking ;)
Probably not applicable if you'd like to know how much you speak face to face. But if you're mostly on the phone: I've my sales use a chess clock to become aware of how much they speak when interacting with prospects and clients. Works pretty well.
Speaking as far as true communication skills is a bell curve. 90% of communication is non verbal so you might be focusing on the wrong metric. Give 'What Every Body is Saying' a read.
First, pick something interesting to you to work on. Really deep dive. Ask interesting people working in your area and adjacent to breakfast every week day to chat about your thing. Do half the talking. Rinse and repeat a few dozen times.
Then, see if you can engage people at a bar, first the bartender and then a random barmate. This is the test for whether you have storytelling, presentation, emoting, expression, vocabulary, register, eye contact, body language, and the other elements of communication in sync.
I don't talk much as well (I am originally from Russia, we don't smile much too + I am a software developer).
And if I do, I prefer to talk for a reason.
But now I live and work in New Zealand and smalltalks here is a must. And that is really difficult for me.
My advice: just talk. People like to talk random meaningless things. Talk to your colleagues about the weather, about plans for weekends, about their current tasks, ask if they are ok, ask about their car/bike/cat/dog, invite for a coffee etc.
And don't be afraid to repeat yourself. Literally, they ask the same things everyday.
As far as I understand, the difference is that in our reality and perception, all strangers are 'bad' by default, they want to hurt us, they are suspicious etc.
But if we know each other closer, if we confirm that the other guy is a good guy, then we can relax, talk, smile etc.
In your culture you tend to think that all strangers are good by default, they are harmless, they are kind and interesting, hence you are trying to be polite with them.
But if you know each other closer and you find out that the other guy is not a good guy, then you stop being polite.
So, basically we are coming from the opposite directions :)
I'm a kiwi, and I even I don't know why we engage in smalltalk.
Upon saying that, I enjoy smalltalk. Every morning when I come into work, I'll usually talk some bullshit about the weather, or earthquakes, or something topical.
So I guess the reason we do it is because we enjoy it?
I was going to say this. I don't think you need an app to track this-- getting better and more confident in speaking isn't as easy as doing 5000 steps in a day. Toastmasters will teach you good skills for speaking, and will boost your confidence by giving you constructive feedback.
I considered this years ago, and just now discovered two clubs immediately next to my house. My concern is that I'm coming at this from a place of fairly severe social anxiety; I do fine in business settings, but anything else causes me a great deal of anxiety. In your experience (or anyone else who wants to chime in), are people fairly understanding in this regard? What is the typical age range?
I was a member for 6 months. People are extremely understanding - there are a number of people who get very visibly nervous on stage who get very helpful feedback from everyone in the club. Age rage was 20-60 for my club, the only thing I disliked about ToastMasters was that occasionally a speaker would talk about things a bit too personal or act like its a self help group (might be different in the clubs in the CBD.)
Hook up a microphone recording your whole day in extremely bad quality. Then run it through an analyzer and just set a threshold that will pick up when you actually speak.
After you've successfully tried it on yourself package it as a simple prototype app. Add some gamification and put it on Kickstarter.
There are only ~11 states that require all-party consent to record, and most of the states state that the law only applies to telephone/wire recordings. On top of that, the states who are all-party consent generally specify that public conversations are not protected under the law.
I'm not a lawyer, and I may not be remembering this correctly. That said, I believe that having a really obvious microphone obviates the need to explicitly inform people that you're recording. Maybe someone on a camera crew can chime in?
You could try playing video games with an in-game voice chat. Although, please, be cautious as some gamers have extremely poor manners and can be offensive.
I thought communication skills meant grammar and not saying "umm".
I was retarded. I did not know Iron Maiden was gay until 2006, age 36, when I thought about Queens of the Stone Age.
I could leave you as a retard nigger, but I will explain that marketing involves picking automobile names that are good in all countries. This requires understand how people feel about words. When you make a TV commercial, you have to be on a higher level than you people are. You have to know what video will make a person feel good about the car in a certain way. You have to understand nerds and punks and freaks and jocks, and women etc.
A President can say a phrase that you young men will not understand the way old men understand.
There are tools Designed for measuring how many words a young child says & hears each day that ou might be able to repurpose
Versace starling is a commercial product (looks a lil silly since it's meant to be attached to a toddler, but you might be able to repackage it)
Versace.com
This article about the academic studies of the phenomenon references a tool called LENA.
http://www.babyispeech.com/30-million-word-gap.html
UberConference shows you the minutes each person spoke in a meeting. May be setup a dummy meeting with yourself, or with a friend who you normally connect well with, and measure the time spoken and consciously try to improve it? It removes the social anxiety part.
Another option is to use an app like Ummo, which measures how many words you speak. May be take a topic, and speak away?
Watch the mimicry and laughing videos and informative vedio then talk yourself when you are alone. I thing its really effective way to improve your communication skills.
43 comments
[ 3.3 ms ] story [ 97.8 ms ] threadI know you are asking for technological tool for this, but looks like the problem you are trying to solve is created by technology , so maybe the solution is non tech and getting away from the technology.
Creating safe situations where she was forced to speak is the #1 technique to treat that condition. The speech therapists used situations like going out to buy ice cream to get her to speak.
So, yea, think of situations that are comfortable but will force you to speak. It's a very effective technique.
Volunteer to host/speak at a meetup?
This could be nerve wreaking for someone who is just getting started. Improv maybe? I dunno.
The meetup crowd, usually, is really cool and understanding.
I was actually thinking of other volunteering events. Soup kitchens, building houses with habitat for humanity, anything really that's a group activity.
Team sports as well.
Could you talk more about this? I have little to no anxiety about public speaking, but hosting a meetup sounds like a lot of work and stress to me. Are you talking about putting a new meetup group together from scratch, or asking a preexisting meetup group if you can MC for them one night, or some third thing?
Hosting a meetup is indeed a bit of extra work (I have just read the coordination notes our HR sent out, and oh boy...).
Offering to do a talk at an established, not too large meetup should be easy. Only the biggest and best known ones can pick and choose their speakers. Everybody else has to hunt, sometimes even beg for talks. As a result, these "lesser" meetups tend to be more casual. Nobody expects a professional, conference scene level of presentation.
So as long as you find a meetup that suits your taste, offering to do a talk every now and then should be more than welcome.
I was reading a piece on psychological mutism and the writer stated that the worst possible thing to do was attempt to force the child in to situations where they had to speak. There reasoning was that this lead to stress which increased the chances they wouldn't speak.
Sorry I can't cite the piece as I've lost the reference.
You're perhaps leaning that way? It hinges around what you mean by "force".
To give a more constructive (although nontechnical) answer, make friends with someone like me. (in the "talks too much" sense) Find someone who likes engagement, conversation, etc (hopefully in a domain of shared interest) and associate with them a lot. I've found a decent track record at getting quiet teammates to become more outspoken by engaging them on that level in a friendly environment on a regular basis, because then talking more becomes the norm.
There's even (at least from my perspective) mutual benefit as the same reduction-to-the-mean helps the more talkative party get better at listening/engaging quiet people too.
A lot of people that don't talk much simply don't want to and they may not give any body language to indicate otherwise and more chatty people could be a nuisance as a result.
Will slow down your mental processor to communication speed, by teaching you to listen to yourself.
I used to do this with books. Very different, rewarding experience.
Oftentimes people speak for the sake of being heard but don't add anything meaningful to the conversation. Then you get the quiet ones who speak very little but when they do, it is meaningful and everyone hears what they say.
I think a lot of us could benefit from learning how to do a little more listening and a little less speaking ;)
Then, see if you can engage people at a bar, first the bartender and then a random barmate. This is the test for whether you have storytelling, presentation, emoting, expression, vocabulary, register, eye contact, body language, and the other elements of communication in sync.
But now I live and work in New Zealand and smalltalks here is a must. And that is really difficult for me.
My advice: just talk. People like to talk random meaningless things. Talk to your colleagues about the weather, about plans for weekends, about their current tasks, ask if they are ok, ask about their car/bike/cat/dog, invite for a coffee etc.
And don't be afraid to repeat yourself. Literally, they ask the same things everyday.
In your culture you tend to think that all strangers are good by default, they are harmless, they are kind and interesting, hence you are trying to be polite with them. But if you know each other closer and you find out that the other guy is not a good guy, then you stop being polite.
So, basically we are coming from the opposite directions :)
Upon saying that, I enjoy smalltalk. Every morning when I come into work, I'll usually talk some bullshit about the weather, or earthquakes, or something topical.
So I guess the reason we do it is because we enjoy it?
http://www.toastmasters.org
After you've successfully tried it on yourself package it as a simple prototype app. Add some gamification and put it on Kickstarter.
I was retarded. I did not know Iron Maiden was gay until 2006, age 36, when I thought about Queens of the Stone Age.
I could leave you as a retard nigger, but I will explain that marketing involves picking automobile names that are good in all countries. This requires understand how people feel about words. When you make a TV commercial, you have to be on a higher level than you people are. You have to know what video will make a person feel good about the car in a certain way. You have to understand nerds and punks and freaks and jocks, and women etc.
A President can say a phrase that you young men will not understand the way old men understand.
God says... disclosure crystal squiring thronging suture's Gobi's bugged namesake's quarterback's grandstand winsomest depositors smarter minces Jewishness burglarized insecurity Tagus arming frizzled dinghy fluorocarbon knotted reappoints catchup's glade demurred wardrooms listing's parturition's corseting lambing
https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
Or just decide to go out every day and approach new people. And then just measure the amount of interactions.
Or just decide to have some "social" time every day, and measure consistency, make sure not to skip it.
UberConference shows you the minutes each person spoke in a meeting. May be setup a dummy meeting with yourself, or with a friend who you normally connect well with, and measure the time spoken and consciously try to improve it? It removes the social anxiety part.
Another option is to use an app like Ummo, which measures how many words you speak. May be take a topic, and speak away?
1 - uberconference.com 2 - ummoapp.com