Ask HN: How did you handle a difficult co-worker situation?

Sadly "avoid, avoid, avoid, deflect, and when you to absolutely have to deal with them, just keep it polite and transactional, just-the-facts-ma'am, all about the work and the work only. And count the days until the next job comes along and/or I have enough FU money to take a nice, long vacation" often seems to be if not the best, certainly the simples minimum viable solution.

(Combined with, "And BTW, try not to drink too much.")

Yeah sure, there's also "talk to management about it" (which is in fact the first line of defense). And often enough, it actually does work.

The thing is, often enough the issue isn't the co-worker per se, but denial, myopia and/or a sense of paralysis in the management layers who you'd think would be both (1) able to recognize the problem and (2) eager to help out. So sadly, in not infrequently happens that neither (1) or (2) is in the cards. Typically because they think said employee is a rockstar/10xer, always at his desk, always seems to able to answer loudly and confidently about any subject whether he actually knows what he's talking about or not. You know, valued, irreplaceable character traits like that that many organizations cherish and reward with handsome bonuses and promotions.

And so it goes, on and on and on in this work culture of ours.

The first step is to talk to your coworker and tell them your concerns in a way that is not criticizing them or makes them even more difficult to work with. You can also try and socialize outside of work: grab a few beers and get their point of view.

If they continue to be hard to work with, escalate to management and outline your concerns.

What you really want to say to management is that your ability to perform at 100% is affected by this coworker / arrangement / situation, and you are being obstructed from providing the most value you otherwise could to the company.

Any sensible manager would immediately address the issue, as he/she will recognize that your output is affected and the company is getting less value from you due to this arrangement.

He was the first iOS developer, I was number two. He had "worked" for 9 months on a rewrite of their existing product, and all he had to show for his work was a few scroll views (that performed terribly with trivial amounts of data)

The rest of the team hated him, management thought he was toxic and tried to avoid him at all costs. But they never fired him. I have no idea why.

I tried to work with him, I really tried. I kept interactions positive, I asked him to review my code before it was merged. I asked for his opinion on matters. He was a remote worker and was always "too busy to chat"

In hindsight, when I interviewed, he was the only team member I didn't talk to, and who wasn't great - I should have seen that as a warning, my fault.

I generally get along with people, and before that I had never worked with anyone I disliked - as a result, I couldn't see how anybody could be truly "toxic" -- I wasn't sure toxic people even existed.

In the end, I had to leave, because every day was a hugely negative experience.

Sometimes you just have to move on. Every day I learn :)

Another developer, who I had out-developed, intentionally sabotaged my code in the wee hours to make me lose face. Fortunately, we had source control, and he was a fool, so it backfired.

Even so, the long-term prospect of not being able to turn my back on my coworkers was not one I welcomed, so I got into independent consulting. Could probably make more working for the man, but I think the freedom of it is priceless.

I had a co-worker who managed to push my buttons in just the right combination such that one day I lost it and let him know exactly how much I didn't appreciate him. It was a tunnel vision moment and I am glad I didn't let it go further, but I went outside and cried like a baby for letting myself get to that point before apologizing to him. He continued to behave how he did and it got to me once more, but I did my best to limit my interactions with him and to go through my manager when possible. Since my manager was in the room during the fateful outburst, he was quite happy to intermediate. It had no negative career impact, but I was shaken by it and I think in any other situation, I would have been reprimanded formally or something.

I can't say there is a lesson in there except, don't let yourself get to the point where you are unable to maintain your professionalism.