Ask HN: I'm depressed, what should I do?

Your problems may have just highlighted an issue that already existed. Talk to your doctor. Depression is a medical issue that needs treatment.

My very brief 2 cents: Exercise. It's clinically proven to help combat depression. Also, don't worry so much about compensation so early in your career. Experience is worth much more than $ to you at this stage.

1. Take a shower, brush your teeth, make your bed, and get dressed for work every weekday. Including shoes.

2. Spend the first 4 hours of every workday doing your best to get a job.

3. Profit.

You're in no position to be picky right now. Get a job and get the hell out of your parents' house.

Do not chase teh shiny. There is no such thing as a "not-that-interesting tech stack" -- some of the best gigs are writing boring code on boring tech stacks. Might not be sexy but there's satisfaction in producing rock-solid, boring code.

Reliability is interesting.

So is a paycheck.

Suck it up, buttercup. Get a job asap and after a couple years, look for a better one while you're already employed.

It's far easier to get a job when you already have one.

I would take a job that offers enough compensation for you to live on your own. In my opinion, real world experience trumps a lot of what you learn during school. School is a foundation to be built upon, not the end of the road. Start earning that experience and more doors will open to you. You never know, while the tech stack might not be interesting the job could be. Tech stacks can change, try and find a product you engage with, something with more value than just a number in a column.

You may regret many decisions you make in life, the important thing is that you learn from them so they are not made twice. It may sound like a platitude, but it is something I have found to be incredibly useful.

The bubble that you surround yourself with school and such kind of distorts how the real world is. You may be really great at what you do, but no one knows you. Without a direct reference it can be hard to get in some place.

I would lean toward what your family is saying, just get a job. Even if you feel that job is underpaying you and not doing something "exciting". Through this process you should learn about "selling yourself" and what employers want to have in an employee. Talent is important, but talent without being able to properly market yourself won't get you where you want to be.

OK, Tough love time.

You are probably not that good. And that's totally fine. You are not your work, and you shouldn't define yourself by your job alone. You are a multifaceted human, complete with all the inherent complexity.

You're still young - you need to get some experience under your belt. That means spending 1 or 2 years at a couple of middle of the road jobs. Unless the role is clearly really poor, then you shouldn't be turning stuff down.

Get some experience, be poor for a bit, spend your last £10 on tequila and go and find somebody to love. Live a bit while you're young, you will grow through time.

There are no shortcuts.

I agree with your family, stop being spoilt and lazy.

You sound like you are being spoiled and lazy. You want your first job to be something where you are highly praised and valued every day, you only have to work on the things you want to with the people you want to work with?

You are young so you are still learning and thats ok. Try to grow up a little and realize that life is uncomfortable sometimes. That's ok. What's not ok is shutting down and giving up.

Wow, all those rejections sound painful. I'm sorry.

So a few things: First, feeling down, rejected, etc., sound pretty normal to me given what you've described. That's not to say that I think that you should simply ride it out, suck it up, etc. If it was that easy there would be a lot less suffering in general. You're clearly cognizant that something's not right, though, and the fact that you're acting on that seems pretty healthy to me.

Try reddit. I can't suggest any specific subs, but I've found the communities that are supportive to be very supportive. If you're struggling with simply reaching out, that's one place I would start.

Yes, please do consider a therapist (or a career coach, etc.). The thing with depression is that it horribly distorts your perspective, and as you've touched on, begins a wicked feedback loop. It can be difficult to dig yourself out of that hole, and digging in can have serious consequences. Getting in touch with someone who can provide accurate information and context about your experience, and how you want to sort things out.

Sunshine and physical activity, as well as getting out in public are excellent moderators of depression. But they're not fixes.

Finally, if you take only one thing from this, I hope it's this: There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. There's nothing wrong with seeking out expert opinion on how to manage your life. Depression is manageable, especially episodic depression, such as you describe. Please please don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that it's a weakness or a character defect.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck on your journey. Hang in there.

I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. And frankly, you should be very proud of yourself. Want to know why?

Writing this demonstrates something very important about your character. When you feel backed into a corner, you don't just hide away and hope that the situation passes. Instead, you fight to get yourself out of the situation. This is huge and frankly, this trait will serve you well in the future.

Other people have given you some wonderful, actionable advice and I don't want to repeat their words, so I'll cut it off there. But seriously, be proud of yourself.

Everything will work out and you will be okay. If you feel stuck, my email address is in my profile - reach out and I'll help you however I can.

Be safe.

See a doctor. It's an illness like any other, and drugs will help treat it. If the first med you try doesn't work, try another. Different things work for different people.

Some people close to you won't understand at first. That's ok. Their only people, and it's hard for them to have sympathy for an illness they cant physically see.

Do at least 1 productive thing everyday. Congratulate yourself for it.

stop reading hacker news

It seems reasonable that you are suffering some form of depression, even if it is transitory in nature. Good part is that makes you human and no better or worse then anyone else.

Just my 2 cents, but this is part of what becoming independent is all about, you have to make decisions based on the information you have and not focus on the next great thing all the time, nor allow yourself to be insulated in your thoughts so much. Your reality should be, if you received offers all around the same rough compensation, then that is likely the going rate for a new grad with your skill set and presentation in the areas you applied. Accept the best one with the team you feel you fit best with (that is more important then raw compensation) and move forward. You can always change later as you gain some experience. Don't wait for the perfect solution right now, move forward and change if you need to later.

You are still really fresh out of school so you can still accept a reasonable offer and the faster you start contributing to a team the faster you will feel better. Get focused, get organized and accept your reality so that you can change it. I don't care what your reality is, it is always changeable by you. Other people can help, but in the end you are the only one that can act to change your circumstance.

If you need to go see someone to talk through how you feel, do it, don't hesitate. There are too many people afraid to seek out help, go do it, celebrate that you are enlightened enough to recognize it and get the little extra guidance. Most of the time it is that simple, talking it out with someone who has empathy but can help lead you on a path to pull yourself up. You don't sound like you are in a bad situation, just not where you thought you'd be, so it is far easier to fix today then 3, 6, 9 months from now if you do nothing.

Take care, good luck.

You definitely sound spoiled. You turned down several offers because they didn't reflect how highly a company should think of you? It's a job. You're compensated for your time, not how big your ego is.

Suck it up and go be a worker bee. We all do it.

I'm sure I'll get down voted but I'm putting in my anecdotal two cents, regardless.

Are you having sex? Sex is a pretty good remedy for this type of stuff.

Why not start a side project? Don't know what to do? I'm sure there is something you use that you could make just as good or better start there.

You don't need a gym, maybe just go for a run near your house to start, less excuses to not do it.

Lastly, have you though of buying a journal? The actual act of writing your thoughts down (vs typing) is therapeutic and may help you to work through some of your emotions

There are certainly things you can do right away to get things right on track. What is your workout schedule like? Are you lifting weights? Check out 5x5 or Stronglifts.

// For me it was not about the money, but a show of how much a company appreciate me and how they think of me. //

Never think this. Never assume this.

Talking to a company about salary is a business transaction. It's a negotiation. Unless you're somehow at the type of unicorn where they're not only small, but already have a lot of $$ (basically nothing out there right now) there isn't going to be any amount of "oh yeah, we like you" that will significantly impact your compensation.

// However, all of the offer were with not-that-interesting tech stacks and really bad compensations. // How 'bad' is 'bad' here if you don't mind me asking? Also, mostly startups or what?

Stop worrying about an 'interesting tech stack'. Most development work in the world is decidedly unsexy. Watch the job market carefully over the next couple weeks and pick the most promising looking jobs (no more than say 5-10), research the companies and apply. Accept the best offer.

What you will find is that there's a lot about professional development that you need to learn yet. In time you will see your salary go up. Unless you live in one of the high cost, high salary areas like NYC, San Francisco or Seattle, you're not likely to see the crazy salaries you read about online.

Thank you for the links

You're a recent grad and expect people to appreciate you and think highly of you before you've even started? Maybe the problem is your perception of how the world works.

This whole thing is a self-indulgent whine fest. You're not depressed because some people didn't offer you a gig that you think fits your imagined status and because you didn't take a shower in a few days. The fact you think depression is such a trivial thing says a lot.

I think that you should not necessarily take the next offer that comes your way, but you should change your criteria for accepting an offer. You've got to start somewhere, and it's ok for your first job to be relatively "uninteresting". You may find that you learn a lot. At the very least, you'll be getting important experience to add to your resume so that you can get closer to the job you want in the future.

>i got laughed at and was asked to find a job and stop being spoiled and lazy.

And they're right. According to the comments you're living in France. You got offers around 30k. I started at 18k. Such is life-- your first couple of jobs will probably be shitty. That's how it is. And it's good because you'll realize that you're not as good as you think and that there is many flavors of everything out there.

You'll adapt, learn, grow, and your salary will follow, as your experience.

First

Don't give up the job hunt Unemployment is devastating You are not alone

Maybe there are other things in your life outside your CV and job situation you should address.

Definitely shower daily and lift heavy weights often.

I would recommend posting to /r/getmotivated and /r/therepill for further advice

This is a good opportunity for learning. Your perception of the world apparently did not match up with how the world actually is. We've all been there. Get back up, readjust your perspective, and accept the next offer.