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Ask HN: How to create a long lasting relationship?

15 points by knlam ↗ HN
Imagine being in hospital alone, at night, and the only one you can call is your mom. Yep, I now know how suck it is to be that nerd who only care about computer. I can talk to people and make friend. The problem is the friendship is not sticky enough. How can people go out and make friendship last? The kind of friendship that you can call your friend and he/she will be by your side when you are in hospital alone, at night.

5 comments

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rcavezza
I think the big thing is making yourself vulnerable to take that next leap.

There's a few people you probably know (at least a little bit) from work, or meetups, or maybe they live near you.

Ask them to get lunch or grab coffee. Start sending them texts or emails more often.

Some people might say no over and over again or they just might be busy.

Also - if someone asks you to do something - Just say yes. I learned that if you say no the first 1 or 2 times someone asks you to hang out or come to a party - the invitations will stop.

basetensucks
I found "The Like Switch" to be an interesting and useful guide in building relationships. It's written by an ex-FBI agent that successfully built relationships with various, often hard to reach individuals using the techniques that he writes about in the book.
jotux
I found this article a while ago: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-m...

Which distilled the typical requirements to making close friends:

>the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other

thecupisblue
By sharing experiences. Not just by talking about it, but sharing them like experiencing them together. I've looked back upon some uncommon friendships I've made that are now stronger than relationships by people I've just met at college or work.

1. We went out and experienced stuff together. Makes us closer and gives us memories to reminisce upon.

2. We've had points of mutual interest and that kind of gave us a push to be together more often and experience more. From music, to programming, to specific food.

3. We made mutual connections. I plan something with friends, I invite them, they invite theirs sometimes, such stuff.

4. We shared stuff about each other. Dreams, goals, relationship talk, stuff like that.

AznHisoka
i had the same problem as well and i just surrendered to the fact that i will simply initiate all the conversations myself. pick up the phone and call them even if they dont call you. then reveal the skeletons in your closet and be vulnerable.