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Ask HN: Could you review this idea for Smarter Online Sales System?

9 points by JarekS ↗ HN
I've created a Landing Page with the idea description (Landing Page is part of the application - that is why I would like you to go there). http://ourown.smartupz.com/

Thank you very much in advance!

3 comments

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yourentwesplit
First thought, is that your slogan contains multiple errors. I'm assuming you mean, "Get leads, Make Offers, Send Invoices, and Turn Your Customers Into Your Affiliate Sales People."

Not sure where you're from but language errors make me initially think that a site is spammy and I usually click away quickly.

Secondly, you need a call to action. You claim that I can create a landing page in 45 seconds yet I have to email you to start the process.

Third, the text is hard to scan (and there's too much of it). Simplify the process at least add headers to relevant sections.

Those were my initial thoughts. Good luck with the site.

JarekS
Thanks for this great feedback!