Ask HN: I'm 27. Why Do I Feel Like I'm Getting Too Old or Running Out of Time?
Perhaps it's the remarkably young tech scene, or maybe the funding bubble, but I'm 27 years old and feel like I'm too old, and that I'm running out of time to succeed.
Wtf is going on here? I can't be the only one.
57 comments
[ 3.4 ms ] story [ 81.2 ms ] threadThe only logical hypotheses introspection has given is that it's reasonable to recognize that compounding value is probably the #1 reliable way to greater wealth/freedom later, so by not generating that initial compounding value early the time is "doubly lost". That combined with newly minted billionaires significantly younger than me off of photo apps makes me feel like I missed the train somewhere as I crank away in a corner on some insane analytics SaaS. The only pragmatic response I've found to that is to just keep cranking, and if this doesn't work change my approach, but that doesn't really help with the mental conflict of if I should enjoy the time I have now but shared with work, or 100% myself now for the purpose of "buying" myself more 100% free time later on.
I realize I gave more of a braindump than anything else, but I hope it gives you a window into the thought process of someone else in a similar sort of mental tumbleweed.
"Keep doing what you're doing unless it doesn't work in which case do something else"
That sounds like woody allen.
The vast majority of savings is simply unspent income. Income accumulates at a more or less fixed rate, and the extra income you get for extra experience grows much faster than the extra income you get from interest on the unspent portion of that.
If you want to have more money, MAKE more money.
There is a maximum amount of money you can make with your skills, If wealth is truly your goal you should figure out what that is, and do whatever is required to get it.
But don't go 100% on one thing at any aspect in life. Things change, if you go 80% on something the 20% left is investment in something else.
As you say yourself you need compounding value.
And what is the point of working hard if you don't enjoy it? If you consume yourself with work you don't enjoy do you actually think you'll be able to find things to do in the hypothetical future when you've retired?
https://www.jwz.org/blog/2011/11/watch-a-vc-use-my-name-to-s... puts it: "do what you love because you love doing it. If that means long hours, fantastic. If that means leaving the office by 6pm every day for your underwater basket-weaving class, also fantastic."
If you really want to not work, buying freedom is much easier by reducing your expenses. Betting on getting rich is a bet, not a plan.
In practice there are many paths to freedom, not just getting enough money to not have to work: https://codewithoutrules.com/2016/09/16/sane-workweek/
First off, this is hard and very few (any?) have this figured out. It took me going through a major depression episode and other, significant, life changes to start to work on this.
About a year ago I've started to change some key habits and that has helped to alleviate this feeling. To start with:
* Reduced the amount of tech news / startup news I consume significantly. I cut down the number of blogs from ~ 300 to ~ 10. * I have a hobby (woodworking in my case). I tried a bunch of hobbies over the years and it took a while to find something that I'm sticking with, but just keep experimenting * Meditation and non-tech and non-business reading has helped. Instead of reading 10 business/startup/tech books for every 1 fiction/biography/history/fun-topic, I reversed that relationship. * Vacations. Not some huge travel-the-world stuff, but a weekend getaway with friends / significant other is amazing. Could just be to look at vintage stores, art galleries, sit on your butt by the pool, etc. Don't have goals, get lost and don't watch the clock
Lastly, the most important piece. Spend the time and the energy you're investing right now in projects and "growing" on figuring out what you want out of life. This is not some existential thing nor is it some grand plan. Starting a company is a goal and good one. Traveling 3 months out of a year is a goal too. Don't get hung up on it, it'll change and evolve over the years. Just start somewhere, you can "pivot" as you move forward.
Here's the most important piece though - how do you measure yourself? Forget realistic/unrealistic or external/internal - doesn't matter. Identify what are the metrics that you use to gauge your progress and what it means for you to have had a successful week (day - too short & month/year - too long).
Then, ask yourself: why that?
The answers to the questions above will help show you a path from feeling like you're spinning in one spot and what to do next.
Reach out if you want to talk about any of it.
The idea of financial freedom is not a one-size fits all. It really depends on what you value and how you want to live.
However, that's another existential question without an easy answer, just lots of work on self-awareness.
Legal? None.
Moral? Not really that either.
It sounds (putting words in your mouth here a bit) like you've taken someone's "should" and internalized it to the point where you've given it pseudo-moral force in your thinking. If so, stop it! You don't have to live up to that person's standard of how they think you ought to live your life. Trying to do so makes you miserable. (I think you aren't really satisfied with where it leaves you, based on you saying "... but nothing else, really.")
However, that person is often a parent. It's not as easy as saying "stop doing that" when you've had it drilled into your head for 27 years. It takes a lot of effort, figuring out why you want what you want, and whether you really want it or just have been told that you ought to, and, essentially, deprogramming yourself.
I am 43 now. The last 10 years of my life have been equal parts challenging and amazing. I have a little girl who is about to turn 5. My teenager is about to turn 18. I've made more "progress" and done more growing and experienced more in the last 10 years, than in all the years before.
Whether or not you have kids, I would do your best to learn how to enjoy each day. But learn. Whatever you do... keep learning.
Contrary to popular thought, you don't have to be young for great things to happen. They happen all around you, all the time.
Also, there's an author by the name of James Altucher and he's written some things about just being a little bit better, a little more improved than the day before. His stuff is good. I'd recommend it. Also, Deep Work by Cal Newport.
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts. I'd be happy to talk more if you ever want to.
How you do this?
However, I am starting to realize that the options I had before are simply no longer available as I get older. I'm never going to be a doctor or pilot or in the military, for example, as I chose to go into software instead. While I could have simply decided 10 years ago to drop everything and do something different, there's no time to do that now and expect to have the same level of success that I would have had if I kept going with what I'm doing now.
A friend of mine, bus driver at 30, decided to become a pilot.
10 years later he's a captain at a major commercial airline.
Sample size of one, but never underestimate some good old determination :)
http://neopythonic.blogspot.com/2016/04/kings-day-speech.htm...
I always do a little bit of study in new tech / use them in side projects / when I see fit in work.
On that note, I don't feel like I am missing anything to achieve "success", I am 28.
Perspective.
Perhaps you could provide some specifics to receive pertinent advice.
Good luck!
Two things.
Mark time with longer references. School is a good one since it's 4 years and you likely repeated the cycle twice. Freshmen, sophomore, junior, senior. Freshmen, sophomore, junior, senior.
However short that felt for you, that's how fast the next 4 will hit you.
Now the second thing and the real reason you feel the way you feel.
Youth is forever refreshing. Someone will always replace you. And you just got done being replaced. You aged out of that 22-26 bracket. Welcome freshmen to the 26-30 league.
Better grow the fuck up and stop feeling sorry for yourself, kid. You've only got 4 years before you start feeling the next growing pains, the one about success. And how success is always intangible, how everyone else is better off than you.
That one was a doozie.
"According to research by Vivek Wadhwa, an academic and tech entrepreneur, and the Kauffman Foundation, the average age of successful start-up founders in these and other high-growth industries was 40. And high-growth start-ups are almost twice as likely to be launched by people over 55 as by people 20 to 34."
Do the things now that you won't be able to do once you've got a family (assuming you haven't started one already.) Take a few risks, learn more than a few things, and stretch yourself in ways that aren't comfortable. You've got plenty of time—what you lack right now is perspective. Work on that.
[1] http://business.time.com/2013/03/14/ask-the-expert-the-best-...
Do you run daily, swim, eat healthy food, do yoga, do gym, do you change your position during work, do you go and speak fun stuff with friends, listen audio books of philosophers and autobiographies, check health with various doctors?
Or you sit all day long, drink coffee, smoke tobacco, much of sugar, cheeps, other drugs you sit on, no physical training, read only news or only books from you pro sphere, TV/serials before sleep?
Body age changes hormones change brain. Drugs and exercise and food do change hormones do change brain. Endogene drugs are better than exogene, I believe. Age changes what is good drugs good food good exercise good read good movie is for you.
My father started a successfull company when he was almost 60.
You need to realize that the young founders seem to be quite successfull for high risk ventures but the big mass of successfull startups is built in the not so visible B2B market, where your value significantly increases with work and industry experience. The B2B market is also much easier to bootstrap since you're much more likely to know your potential customers before you built a product.
- Make peace with everything that is happening around you. Be happy.
- Building meaningful relationships will help you to be happy. When I say relationships, it must be done without any self interest. You should never expect anything to get from it but to just give with generosity. It works. Trust me.
- Most importantly delegate your work. Do not try to do everything on your own. Consider example of your body, if one organ starts on its own, then whole body is unstable. Same is with the community. If you play your part very well & you'll get to have more fun.
- Do not think in terms of milestones. Think in terms of journey. Marathon mindset. If you think if you hit the milestone you will be successful & content then you are doomed. You're already successful. Be content with what you have. But keep up the hard work.
I would suggest to you to read James Allen's work.
Start with this -> http://james-allen.in1woord.nl/daily.php If you read it in the morning & practice on daily basis. You will start to see the results.
Thanks for reading.
If you want to feel like there's all the time in the world, leave your cellular at home, and visit the DMV, grab a number and watch time extend into the infinite.
Never made pots of money, but it's kept me in comfort. Success for me is having a lovely wife, great kids, roof over our heads, food in our tums, enjoying time together, doing some of those bucket list things, and laughing every single day.
I still love programming and solving problems for people. You won't have heard of anything I've written, but much of it is still in use and (I like to think), makes people's lives a bit easier and hopefully helps them have the same kind of success I enjoy.
We can't all be millionaires, but maybe we can all improve humanity a bit by the things we create.
As developers we're always sharing and reading stories of young millionaires who did something that "We could do in an afternoon" and think we're failing if we just get a decent job that keeps us in comfort.
I felt a lot like OP as I was moving into my 30's. Then I realized that traveling and photography make me much happier than stressing out over being the best programmer or trying to make millions on some novel new idea.
When i look around, i realize that i am actually doing pretty great compared to the friends around me. I have had the privilege to study or work in each continent of this planet, Antartica excluded. I travelled and experienced lots of different places during my twenties, which are arguably the best time do have these experiences. On top of that I bootstrapped two different companies which are running and profitable (one in South Africa and one in Hong Kong), but not yet enough to pay for my living expenses. Both amazing experiences, but probably also adding to the psycological pressure of "not being there yet".
And YET, i am somehow still deeply unsatisfied. I feel that i am not free and still unsure of what my life will look like in the future. Still bound to a salary.
Over the last year i made some small and big changes to my lifestyle to keep things in check: - stopped the digital nomad life and got a easy, well paid job in berlin. That gave me the financial security and peace of mind back. - completely scrapped tens of tiny dead-ended side projects, which were only adding clutters to my mind and taking away preciuos time. - slowly accepted that things happen when they are ready to be. I'm dumping this "launch fast, fail fast" mindset. Most of the time a project takes lots of years to become successful. - Code less and talk more to people. - forced a bit myself to enjoy the small moments in life, like having a beer with my old time non-business-savvy friends. - stopped drastically reading noise-making magazines like Techcrunch. You just read about the million dollar exits, but not about the majority failed stories. - stopped reading business books and switched over to novel (sci-fi in particular).
Overall, my well being has improved a lot since one year ago. However, I believe once you experience this lifestyle, it's hard to go back and settle for the old one.
For the future, I will try to be more patient and wait for things to fall in place. But overall life is not a destination but a journey. As long as you enjoy the entire trip, it's all good!
I'll be 34 this year and life is great.
Set a big Mission for yourself, have great experiences and human connections.
What keeps me going is the thought that people in 3rd world countries have it worse, so maybe I shouldn't complain too much.