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Ask HN: Books/Resources to read for parents to be

16 points by gls2ro ↗ HN
What are some recommended books or resources to read for parents?

I would like to know also why are you recommending a specific book (or what can I learn from it)?

11 comments

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jwdunne
Best way is to wait and see what circumstances bring. It is an experience that makes your strengths and weaknesses clear as day.

The big one is sleep. A book on sleeping routines usually always help everyone. The contented baby handbook is a good one.

The problem with reading books before hand is that a lot preach to an unrealistic ideal. You will find what works best for you, your partner and baby afterwards. It's the only way.

jon-wood
I'd second this, reading books on raising children I found made me feel a bit of a failure until I got over the fact every child is different. In our case the particular thing that really got to me was that I was all ready for baby led weaning, with our son eating proper food as he felt, but he was completely uninterested in food. Years later we've finally got to the bottom of it and found he has food allergies which put him off trying new foods because so many gave him horrible stomach pain.

Having now accepted that I also accept that I'm not in fact a failure of a parent if all he wants to eat today is chicken nuggets and chips, and that we're making progress in helping him to try new things.

Don't subject yourself to ridiculous expectations, learn the basics, and then take solace that at least for the first few months if everyone is fed, clean, and clothed then you're winning.

romuloab42
That's completely true. I think the most revealing thing about being a first-time parent, is that all children are different. The art of being a parent is to learn from your child, and to adapt accordingly. It is also worth mentioning that each kid learn in its own pace, so don't sweat if he/she isn't, say, walking within one year, or speaking phrases with 2.
jwdunne
Of course, we say don't sweat it. Most likely will. I did the second time: "oh god, Lilly seems well behind Maggie" to now: "wow Lilly is a touch ahead of Maggie now".

The other thing you will sweat is the newborn stage. You will try your hardest to get them to sleep only to panic because they are quiet, waking them up in your efforts to make sure.

One thing I do know: I changed the day my first child was born. What used to matter to me, things at work that bothered me, do not matter as much anymore. How can it? The most precious and beautiful thing is your child and all the damn hair they make you tear out!

jlengrand
I have to agree with this one. I became a father last September, and I took it on myself to basically not read anything before hand. This is not work, and I believed in "feeling things" rather than learning them beforehand like I would for software.

Turns out for me it worked perfectly, maybe because I was more in listening mode rather than trying to apply things I read in books.

In any case, I would advise to just trust your guts. If you feel like you want to know a lot, just read! Congrats in advance, and enjoy the first months as much as you can! Becoming a parent is the best thing that can happen to you :)

brudgers
For fathers, Cormac McCarthy's The Road.
dpeck
Every kid is different, but we had lots of success with the calming techniques from Happiest Baby on the Block.

At end of the day its simple stuff, but during those first few months when you're in survival mode simple is what you need. Would highly recommend grabbing the DVD and going through it a couple of times before your little one comes.

johnnycarcin
I don't have a specific book but instead I have the advice I was given three years ago before our first kid was born: "Pick a book both of you connect with and ignore the others". Up until that time my wife and I would look at any book with the word "baby" in it, read a few pages and assume it was THE book. The problem was that we typically never agreed on one which led to conflict which is something you don't want, you have enough stress already.

Looking back though we didn't really gain anything from books, it really was all on the job training. It's scary as shit and you'll reach limits of stress you never knew existed but even with all of that it is still awesome.

With a newborn the routine is pretty basic: eat, poop, sleep. If you are having issues ask your pediatrician. If your child is unhappy think about why that might be. Things are very simple in their world so don't over complicate things and think as if they were an adult (we were guilty of that).

Good luck and enjoy the snuggles while you can!