Ask YC: Dealing with post startup depression
Hi, I recently shut down my first startup ever. I am having a really tough time getting over it and starting all over again. A feeling of extreme weakness and failure has taken all over me , clouding my judgement. Any tips on getting back to normalcy would be highly appreciated.
58 comments
[ 2.7 ms ] story [ 110 ms ] threadI ran into Adam last year in a $3-a-night hostel in Egypt. He's got some decent tips for nerds wanting to get out for a bit:
http://geekeasy.com/travel/articles.html
Link here: http://blog.pmarca.com/2007/08/age-and-the-ent.html
The ratio of success to failure in tech startups ranges from 1:3 to 1:10 depending on who you read. That means pace yourself, you might have to do this a couple of times before you get a home run.
http://www.lovemytool.com/blog/2007/10/riding-a-bike.html
"I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life."
In my experience, the best athletes have a spooky accurate memory of failure... post-game. They figure out what went wrong, every time it went wrong, even if the overall result was success. So it is not amnesia, it is just a failure to influence their present action.
Exercise and a break from the computer are both a good idea. I think you have to reflect on what happened but with some emotional distance. Remembering Thurber's observation that "humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility" you should write down your lessons learned once you can laugh about it (at least a little) so that you are not just re-opening wounds. Some amount of lateral drift (reading books, seeing folks you've neglected as your firm was failing, etc..) can also give you perspective on what to do differently next time. I had a painful failure about a decade ago and concluded "I am through with being an entrepreneur." After five years at a big company I realized that I had mis-assessed and that I couldn't help being an entrepreneur. Failing at a startup doesn't mean you should give up being an entrepreneur, but you should get some perspective on how to make "new mistakes" the next time out.
This reminds me of my college friend who spent much of his spare time climbing the outsides of campus buildings, smokestacks, et al..
Then one day he claimed to be afraid of heights, which made me laugh. "How can you be afraid of heights when you're constantly taking risks at high altitude?", I asked. His response was something like: "Oh, I'm afraid. But I can ignore that and keep going."
At the end of the day, their target is to win the game so it doesn't matter who lost any number of the shots. If they lost the game then the team and all fans are emotionally affected.
The players will get paid at the end of the day. If a startup fails nobody cares and you are certainly not gonna get paid.
But post game the coaches and players go back to the tapes and see what they can learn from the game. Then they hit the practice courts.
As an aside, my personal experience is that success can also be cause for depression, feelings of failure and weakness. Growing is hard. Surrendering control, and the (inevitable?) cultural dilution post acquisition is hard. It was my baby. Now it's not.
For this too you mourn.
i'd consider trying to get a corporate job. being bossed around, having structure and timelines, and not innovating much will fill your brain with ideas and have you itching for a startup in no time.
edited to add: i'd also consider trying to find a job in another field if you have the skill set or the means to potentially take a lower-paying job. taking a break from the tech sector could definitely re-energize you.
http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/2006/...
Take that knowledge and try again. If they say that 1 out of ten startups make it past the first 3 years, then you are one more closer to the 1 out of 10. On the flip side if you never reach the one out of ten, it may be time to consider becoming a career politician :D
Chris http://blog.itrealm.net http://www.propertystampede.com
Guy Kawasaki gives experience in startup failure +3 points on his venture capital aptitude test: http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2006/11/the_venture_cap.html
But the economy being what it is, don't wait too long if you want a decent choice of corporate jobs.
I have said this before, and I will say it again, in conjunction with some of the other people's advice of some exercise, try some meditation. It helps you relax, and at the same time, allows your mind to both calm down and reflect at the same time. You will feel more confident and composed, and if you keep the practice up it will help you in your next endeavor.
The link above is a good read. Doing something (Deliberately) without measurement essentially means that you are doing it in vain. It has been a philosophy of mine that if you watch (measure or log) something, it will grow in the direction you want it to. Look back at your time with your startup and try and assess where you could have done more, or less (invariably you spend time doing things that you are not good at, which means you spend an exponential amount of time and effort trying to accomplish it). Take notes, makes index cards, whatever works for you. Don't try and do it all at once, rather let it marinate for some time in your head, constantly jotting down anything that comes to mind. Talk to people who were involved or were somehow affected by your startup work. Ask them for advice, sometimes people notice a whole lot more than they give you credit for. For example, I tend to be very agitated and quickly irritated when I am trying to put the finishing touches on anything. The very last details (like lining up elements in the UI to the last pixel) tend to get me antsy. I think they are important, thats why I do it, but on the flip side, I tend to be very good starter and executor, but a poorer finisher. Ironically it was a project mate who mentioned it to me for me to realize it. There are several books on the topic, like "Now Discover your Strengths" that can also give you some insight.
Again, Congratulations! I wish you well.
Don't go burying your head in a carton of Breyer's though.
I'd like you to ask yourself one question, what is your definition of success? Remember, if you had a blast doing what you did, then there is no point in regret. Hey, if you had a miserable time doing whatever it is you did, it's great now that you are out of it.
Bottom line: learn to live with yourself, everything else will fall in place.
Very well said.
This is worth reading: http://shadow.wordpress.com/2006/06/28/297/
Finally, be proud of the fact that you ventured out and took some risks. Life isn't meant to be spent hiding from potential failures.
The thoughts from others on taking some time off, getting into a different head-space are very good. Getting some exercise, seeing some shows, travel, eating some decent food, all good ideas if you have the cash for them.
If I spend too many days in front of the computer, I start to go stir crazy. I've had to force myself to stop and pick up some genre fiction and history books that I used to enjoy reading recently.
Even if your first project is a smashing success, the chances are high that you will want to go through the process of starting something new again (and with this process comes the possibility of risking failure -- don't forget this!). There should be no difference with the outcome with any project.
Embrace your failures as they will teach you better and more thoroughly than anybody on a message board!
http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Higher-Success-Vernon-Howard/d...
"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same;"
http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm
Then, whenever you're ready, come back here and talk about it. That's what we're here for. Even though you're only 2 hours old here, you're already a veteran. Share your lessons with us and take what you need. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how you'll feel then.
To use the old cliche: what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Take heart; this too shall pass.
I've always wondered -- how does one recover from the financial setback of the initial failure? In good times, this may be easier if one either has savings or can quickly find a job to fall back on. But in times where jobs may be more scarce, how does one get through this?
Also, do the subsequent funding rounds get easier or harder? Do subsequent startup funds lean more towards VC or angel sources, assuming that one cannot save as much for the next rounds for a self-bootstrap?
I completely understand that the emotional roller-coaster must be difficult to overcome after the first setback, with a similar toll for a spouse/partner and family. How do people also overcome the financial setbacks?
Stay away from your machine. Go somewhere for a couple of weeks. Exercise. Eat well. Sleep well. Drink a bit of wine even. Have sex. Be human.
No guilt.
No regrets.
You'll be fine.
Specifically, if you are doing something that you have a little experience with (like, say, starting a business), it is generally a good idea NOT to assume it will work out. Better yet, treat as a wild card experiment with a great risk of failure. Approach it as something that you are trying out and using to learn what works and what does not. Very few people can succeed on unfamiliar grounds and it is almost always a matter of luck. Far more people succeed through trial and error. So learn from the mistakes and try again.
I would also recommend reading: * blog.pmarca.com * Founders At Work * Startup by Jerry Kaplan (old tome but a good read) * Bhagvad Gita, an ancient Hindu scripture which talks about work, victory, defeat (I can lend you a copy)
You have your servers, source code repository, development environment, bug/feature tracking stuff and all that ready. Heck, you might even have got the logging in, authentication, monitoring and all that done as well.
I would go so far as to say : Everyone should do a dummy startup just to get all the above straightened out. :)
I agree about exercise and a change of pace in your lifestyle (backpacking, academia, even a day job). The important thing though is to realize this isn't even near the worst thing that could have happened. You can still try again. Only this time, you have more information and are better prepared to deal with adversity. This sort of thing is hard for everybody.
I look forward to reading your new startup beta announcement soon.
If you look at anyone successful, the reason you know about them is rarely their first endeavor. Everyone can start and and shut down a start up, but people that continue that cycle are those that succeed.