HN Explorer

Ask HN: What did you have to give up to be successful?

26 points by rm2904 ↗ HN
Everyone wants to achieve great things but not all of us are willing to sacrifice for that. There may be a balanced approach but everyone has only 24 hours in a day and to be really great at something, they need to make choices. Would be great to learn from everyone here about what they gave up to achieve what they wanted to.

23 comments

[ 3.4 ms ] story [ 46.0 ms ] thread
[deleted]
(comment deleted)
lsiunsuex
We have definitely put off having kids for our careers. First, with my startup then with the wife going back to school to switch careers. I'm 37 now and she's 35 - If we're going to do this (have kids) this year or next is the time. Any later and I don't want to be that super old father moving my kid into a college dorm or worse, not living long enough to see it happen.

This all assumes we're healthy enough in that area to have kids. I know the older you get, the harder it is.

On the other hand, I'm open to adopting and she hasn't been so maybe if it doesn't pan out this year or next, she'll change her mind. If I can't have my own, the next best thing IMO is to change a child's life for the better and adopt.

SirLJ
To me having kids is being successful, the more the merrier... The younger you are the better, then you can enjoy early retirement, grand kids, etc...
Sohcahtoa82
Funny, I'm hoping to be able to retire earlier by not having kids. The money savings is huge!
SirLJ
For me, the money are just the means, the family and friends is what is important in life...
Sohcahtoa82
My brother has kids. That's good enough for me. I'm pretty well off, too, so I get to play the part of the rich uncle.
12s12m
Everyone has different definitions about "success" and "being happy". I can tell you as a father of 2 kids, that having kids has been one of the greatest things that has happened to me. I am really happy when they are around me. I am 32 which is relatively young but even I can't match their energy levels, this is only going to get worse. So, I am happy that I've had kids earlier than most fathers.

My definition of being successful is being happy and content. I make decent money and have a happy life, that is successful enough for me. What are you going to do after you retire with all that money? You should do that thing now!

Sohcahtoa82
> My definition of being successful is being happy and content. I make decent money and have a happy life, that is successful enough for me.

You and I are the same, then. I just don't feel the need to have children to feel successful or happy.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to put people down who genuinely enjoy having children. I just know that they're not for me, and my soon-to-be-wife is on the exact same page. We've been together for 7 years, and I'm 35 and she's 34, so it's highly unlikely we'll ever change our mind.

> What are you going to do after you retire with all that money? You should do that thing now!

Travel. Without having to worry about where I'm going being family friendly. I plan on spending less than 3/4ths of my time at home, the rest being out of state.

I can't travel as much as I'd like to right now because I only get 17 days of PTO per year, and my company shuts down between Christmas and New years so I often need to bank 4-6 days of PTO for that time.

My fiance and I went on a 7-day cruise to Alaska last year. I couldn't imagine doing it with a kid tagging along. Sure, they have some kid and family friendly activities, but if we had one with us, we couldn't decide to get shit-faced at a bar or head to an on-board dance club.

Yeah, I could find babysitters, but I prefer the other option: Just not having kids. I never have to tell my friends "Sorry, we can't join you...we can't find a babysitter". My brother has had to say that too often.

caspercrf
You are I are almost the same. Me and my girlfriend are both 38, no kids, no plan for kids, been together for 7 years, just got back from a 7 day Alaska cruise.
wolco
You don't have to give up anything but change the meaning of those things/concepts. A normal workday may be 12 hours for some but for you it might be 5.5 hours. You define success so you are successful as you want to be right now.
mattbgates
I'd say I sacrifice some sleep in order for what I hope is to be more successful. I also think that I have sacrificed a bit of romantic time that I could be spending with my spouse, which definitely, I was a lot more the first year or two of our relationship, but in all fairness, at one time, I was probably too romantic, and she kind of "tamed" me, and each time she did that, I would just go off and do some programming to calm my mind.
itamarst
Sleeping less is a bad idea. It'll make you less productive, because you'll make more errors. See http://www.igda.org/?page=crunchsixlessons for many references.
mattbgates
I tend to be more productive and I code until I pretty much can no longer concentrate and my mind just lets me know I need to sleep. It's a weird schedule, but if I don't do it, I'm just lying there, awake in bed, trying to get to sleep for 2-3 hours. I figure I'd take that 2-3 hours and code instead.
rl3
Should also have a "What did you have to give up to try and be successful but fail anyway?" thread, considering the fact most startups fail—many without any funding.
perilunar
I'm beginning to think that I'll have to give up HackerNews. It's too easy to spend hours per day here instead of working on my side project.
fosco
Yes. :-)

something that might help, check out your profile.

In my profile, what is noprocrast?

It's a way to help you prevent yourself from spending too much time on HN. If you turn it on you'll only be allowed to visit the site for maxvisit minutes at a time, with gaps of minaway minutes in between. The defaults are 20 and 180, which would let you view the site for 20 minutes at a time, and then not allow you back in for 3 hours. You can override noprocrast if you want, in which case your visit clock starts over at zero.

babyrainbow
First of all what do you see as "successful"?
12s12m
I have given up my free time which I used to spend enjoying movies, television etc,. I don't get that much time to do that. Most of my time is consumed in the startup that I am building, my kids and a bit of contracting work. But, I am happy :)
tixocloud
Rather than give up, I would say it's about finding the right balance and knowing who you are as a person. I've drastically reduced the time I spend watching tv and movies but I haven't cut it out completely.

Success is also in your mind - if we keep moving the goalposts further away as you're approaching it, you may never feel fully satisfied.

The best way I found to get me willingly motivated to shift the balance of things was taking time to reflect on myself and my life. After that, I never felt like I had given up on anything.

The Dicken's Process is a take on this exercise: http://www.endlesshumanpotential.com/Super_Human_Development...

AnimalMuppet
"Anyone can be successful by working half time. Half time is twelve hours a day, seven days a week."

I forget who said that, but I don't want to be successful at that price. In fact, right now I'd define "success" as "having a decent life without having to pay that kind of price".

Powerofmene
Sleep. I chose to have kids and love my career. I find time to be creative and attended almost all of the events that were important to my kids. Wish I could have made the 2 I missed but they were okay with it.

I mainly gave up sleep and early on, virtually all recreational time. Now that my kids are older I make time for dinners and plays with friends and family. I do woodworking when I am stressed or just want to piddle around. But I can honestly say, I gave up more sleep than any person should.