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vmasto
Please can you make the async version return a Promise. It's 2017 for cryin' out loud!

five.asPromised?

Uberphallus
Yes, please, it's 2017, nobody wants to block all I/O waiting for an int.
JepZ
And that require is so 2016... Today we use import:

  import five from 'five'
BenoitEssiambre
Supporting promises would maybe be one level too meta since they are a prime example of what this library is making fun of.
[deleted]
(comment deleted)
fiatjaf
Ok, this is a joke. But why? Why would someone waste so much time just to make a stupid joke like this? The left-pad as a service joke at least had some context.
bluetidepro
> "...waste so much time..."

I think you are overestimating the time they put into this. Ha

pivotal
IMO you don't need a reason for something like this, it's just fun. We all spend a lot of time solving problems with software and I believe most of us neglect that you can make stuff just to make stuff. I wrote an angular directive that prints out ascii butts: https://www.npmjs.com/package/pw-butts, I doubt anyone will use it for anything, but I enjoyed making it and it's fun that it exists. If it helps, think of it as "Art".
rimunroe
I think asking why something is a joke, or why someone could possibly find a dumb thing funny is pretty similar to asking people to justify why they enjoy some type of art.

I don't get the appeal of abstract expressionism and I feel like trying to make something in that genre would be a waste of my time, but I wouldn't go around criticizing it as stupid or vocally expressing my perplexity.

Different people get amusement/enjoyment from different things, and it often appears weird to others.

cjCamel
How come

  five.english() // Five
But

  five.french() // cinq
(lower case)?
lozzo
I know some people who write excellent JS libraries, submit their work on GitHub, post their work on HackerNews and others and get either unnoticed or collect a handful of stars. It's sad to see that five.js has more than 800 stars on GitHub and it's documented like if it was of any value
taneq
It's got 800 stars because it's funny. And it's documented seriously because, if it wasn't, it wouldn't be as funny.
fiatjaf
You are right. People tend to think of these unfunny things as funny. That's why 9gag and other services are crowded with people making and sharing mostly idiot jokes.
krapp
>People tend to think of these unfunny things as funny.

Humor is entirely subjective. If someone thinks it's funny then, by definition, it's funny.

mcphage
> People tend to think of these unfunny things as funny.

Luckily we have you around to help us distinguish between the two!

jmkni
Are there Typescript definitions?
shizcakes
So, I realize this is a joke, but there's a small silver lining here IMO. This is potentially an interesting way to illustrate to new or non-programmers just how many ways there are to slice any problem. If 5 can be creatively represented so many ways, imagine how many ways a more complex business problem can be implemented?
gregjw
Finally, a worthwhile JavaScript library.