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Ask HN: How do shut-ins get their motivation back to find a job?

4 points by ccdev ↗ HN
I'm a software engineer in the US, who's worked for five different companies in this role, but financially I'm not better off than I was when I started. Not having a job for so long has taken a toll on me. I lost the interest to hang out with people. Since losing my last job a year ago, I couldn't really hang out with my friends without bringing up jobs at some point, because that's all I can think of right now. Money and the prospect of an average-paying job are on my mind.

I didn't want to be that guy who only complains to their friends, so I took a sabbatical and "went silent" with my friends with the exception of occasionally PM them online for small talk. Almost none of my friends are programmers nor know many people who hire them, so I stopped bugging them. As for my colleagues, it's the same story- I ask them if they know anyone that's hiring, they say no but they'll "keep an eye out". They always say something like that.

A couple months ago I applied for Medicaid from my state's Dept. of Human Services because my savings were getting very low. I eventually got approved, but was left wondering why my taxes to the state could only offer cash, TANF and medical assistance, but why gov't sponsored "job matchmaking" for able-bodied people doesn't exist. A lot of people would rather just get an appropriate job no-strings-attached than sit around sending job apps and collecting welfare.

All I do now is apply for jobs online, randomly browse places like Reddit and hit the occasional tech meetup. Other than that most of my time is taken up doing errands for my mom.

These meetups, well they are good time killers, but not making any headway there either. I get business cards, email people and get placed into a few interviews but not getting offers.

I wonder what place is there for shut-ins like me in this world to be a productive member of society again without the barrier of the hiring process. Volunteer activities do not excite me. How do I make getting job offers second nature for people who are right now socially withdrawn?

7 comments

[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 17.9 ms ] thread
RubberSoul
> get placed into a few interviews but not getting offers.

Sounds like converting interviews into offers is the problem. Being socially withdrawn probably makes that harder.

Have you considered meeting with a therapist/clinical social worker? Dealing with depression and mental issues is actually only one aspect of that job. Life coaching and developing social/interview skills is something they can do. It might be hard to take the first step, but find someone [0] and try it out. The first intake meeting might even be free.

[0] https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/life-coaching

ccdev
If it helps expedite the process of getting an offer, I would go for it. I will not consider it if coaching starts to feel more like a detour than a straight line to getting a job, especially when I am "overdue" for a new job. However, there's also the issue of cost. I only have a few hundred dollars on my account, and life coaching seems too costly to sink into if I go on more meetings.

Job interviews have a great variety. It could be that the variety of job interviews, at least locally, does not easily extend to fit people with my personality type. But I do not consider myself to be one-of-a-kind. I know there are many more like me. I want to find that niche that people like me fit into.

RubberSoul
That's understandable. Hard to offer advice without knowing the reasons for the unsuccessful interviews. If you did a few and did not get an offer, that's pretty normal and the solution might be to just keep trying. If you did a dozen and can't see what's holding you back, then maybe you need an outsider's perspective.

Also, move if you can. Do not limit yourself to local opportunities unless you must for family reasons. You will adjust to a new location quickly even if it's intimidating at first.

ccdev
Very difficult to move with only a few hundred dollars in the bank. Also it's generally not recommended to move to a place where you know very few people or no people, without first having a job lined up.
brooklyn_ashey
I feel for you. I have been in that position myself. I have not yet found a great solution. Over time and through several interviews I realized I was not being hired due to my age. I don't know if you are in a protected class, but perhaps you are. We need some kind of blind hiring practices to become the expected standard because illegal discrimination is rampant in tech jobs. It leaves those of us with ample skill unemployed for no good reason and with no access to a strategy that has any hope of working. I'm open to ideas...
coderpact
This is partially why i've started working on a side project that aims to help developers connect with peers to advance their career. If you're interested, you (or ccdev) can sign up to see what i've built so far at: https://www.coderpact.com
amcooper
I don't have much in the way of ideas for you, but I did want to comment to offer solidarity. HN is full of bravado and braggadocio, and acknowledgment of holes in the software labor market is rare here. And here your post has been downvoted into the grey.