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Ask HN: I'm a solopreneur and I feel demoralised

137 points by ministrator ↗ HN
Created a throwaway for a variety of reasons. I am currently running a profitable service business, making $10k+/mo. But I feel miserable and I don't understand why. The work I get to do is easy and enjoyable. The clients I get to work with are great. Once I get started working I get stuff done pretty quickly, but the problem is getting started every morning. ONCE I get started, everything is fine, but every day I feel demoralised to GET STARTED. The time period of waking up until getting started feels absolutely miserable. I have no idea how to solve it since, from my perspective, it isn't clear what the problem is. Like I said, the work + customers are fantastic. But why do I still feel so demoralised and horrible every single morning? How could I solve this?

Update: Additional info

* I work from home

* I only work 5 days a week, around 3/4h a day.

* Don't follow a specific diet and don't exercise regularly

I've been struggling with this feeling for a few months now and I can't seem to see why. My days are not long, the work itself is fun, but to get started in the morning is absolute hell. I keep postponing work until late in the afternoon sometimes.

144 comments

[ 3.0 ms ] story [ 215 ms ] thread
k__
Maybe a question of how long you are doing this?

Getting a month off could help if you are in constant "work mode" for over a year or something.

[deleted]
(comment deleted)
fairpx
What helped for me is build a team around you. The moment there are others that join your mission, everything changes. I started out my service based UI design business (http://fairpixels.pro) as a solopreneur. At some point, I started getting the same feelings as you're describing and realised (from past projects) that having a team for support had always worked for me. If you don’t have the budget, no worries. You don’t have to hire full time people. These can be VA’s, freelancers that occasionally help you out or even a mentor that actively pings you to keep updated on the progress you’re making. Knowing you’re not by yourself has been a huge motivator for me and might be the solution you’re looking for. Good luck & feel free to ping me if you have additional questions.
davismwfl
fairpx has the right advice. I can echo it nearly word for word. Get some help even if you are specifically carving out say work that takes you 10 hours a week to do and you hire a VA or freelancer to do it each week.

A few additional things I'll add, make sure you are eating well, getting some exercise/activity everyday and make a plan to take say a week off 1-2 months from now. Part of your job during that 2 months is to make it so you can take the time off and not panic. Just remember this, if you can't take time off you don't have a business you have a job.

One other suggestion which I have personally done. I was having trouble with doing the above personally, but I knew I was going to implode if I didn't do something. So in my case I took my laptop got a hotel room on an island and worked from the pool, hotel room, etc during a week. I found I could work a few hours a day and accomplish everything and had enough time to go explore and relax. That helped energize me, I think just getting out of my pattern was the most important part.

Good luck!

vineet
In particular - it helps to do your work in a coworking space. Even if the team is not people working for you or your company, it is really nice to have others that you see every day who have a similar goals as you.

Alternatively, maybe find meetups and/or online communities for other solopreneurs.

wyldfire
This response was my first instinct -- a team will help motivate you.
vayeate
If you're looking for a cheap American developer OP, check my comment history.
phil21
Yep, I was going to suggest this as well. $10k/mo is borderline on being able to hire someone else, but if you can scale the business it should help a lot.

As someone who works solo probably far too much, and in the past did the self-bootstrapped startup thing the stuff I can think of is:

1) As soon as possible get someone to join your team as an employee. If it's not working out fire fast and find someone you mesh well with. While it was certainly a huge challenge hiring and finding the right people, after the initial pains there is absolutely nothing as motivating to wake up in the morning after hacking on something the previous night, only to see the project being progressed in your absence. You go from "ugh" to "holy shit, now I have to do my part!".

2) If you work from home 100% of the time - stop. Shared office space, even getting out once a day to work in a different environment is key for me. I can do 1-2 weeks head down hacking on a project, but beyond that I start to go a little loopy and if I continue I have motivation issues like you describe. Everyone is different, but I'm far happiest when I have an office I can go into but don't have to go into.

3) Network more in the evenings. Sounds silly, but just find some groups for hobbies/industry/whatever you can casually attend. Most you likely won't find that awesome, but when you do find a good fit you'll make some great friends/contacts/mentors.

4) Know when to get out. Sometimes it's time to sell your baby and move on to the next thing when you start feeling stagnant. Again, different types of people on this one. Plugging away at the same thing for half a decade (or more!) where you are completely unmotivated is a great way to kill your soul as well as your career.

5) When all else fails - make a major life change. This kind of motivation issue will kill a career eventually, so it must be addressed. This can be as drastic as moving across the country, or as simple as working from a foreign country remotely (if you can swing such a thing) for a few months. For me it's changing the scenery like that, for others it may be something entirely different.

6) Make sure you are taking quality restorative time off. Since it seems you are socially isolated, it may be best to force yourself to do more social things on the weekends if you haven't been. I know I struggle with this a ton (getting motivated to meet up with friends/whatever on the weekends) - but whenever I do it I feel much better than if I stayed home and binged on video games or whatever.

7) Get out of the house every day!!! I can't stress this enough. Working from home makes it easy for me to stay on a single floor of my house for days on end, much less getting out and getting a little exercise. Just a 30 minute walk a day is a huge benefit - for me I try to find errands I can do, since I hate "idle" active time.

magratargam
get some exercise first, THEN start work
the-dude
Do you work every day?
ministrator
yea, but usually not more than 3h
the-dude
Start taking weekends and holidays like normal people do.

I take days off whenever I feel like it.

Also, if it was me having trouble to start, I would consider it as an early burnout symptom.

Good luck.

pcmaffey
Journal, meditate, exercise _before_ you work. Before you even touch your phone. When you get in touch with the WHY each day first, you're more likely to stay aligned with where you're going.
dkns
If it's earning you $10k+ a month then you can probably afford going to specialist and by that I mean psychotherapist. Just do it. Don't listen to random advice from random internet people. If you're feeling miserable (especially if it's going on for quite some time) that might be the symptom of some bigger underlying issue.
whamlastxmas
Alternatively, professional help can also sometimes be tremendously unhelpful.
j_s
If professional help isn't helping, find another professional.

This is actually a real problem when people don't move on when things aren't working, because they assume they alone are the problem rather than in combination with the provider.

Different approaches work differently for different people and it makes sense to try more than one.

adamc
This. In my experience, they are all over the map -- some are great, some are not useful.
kvonhorn
> Don't listen to random advice from random internet people.

> [Go] to [a] specialist and by that I mean psychotherapist.

It sounds like you've got a great setup. The way you're feeling could destroy what you've built, however, and you may not recognize how. Drop a few Benjamins and get professional advice from a psychologist.

You might also consider seeing a doctor and getting a physical, and start the Couch to 5K if your doctor advises you to get some exercise.

twunde
Assuming you have health insurance and are based in the US, your plan most likely covers this. Check your insurer's website or talk to your doctor's office. Many insurance plans also have remote mental health services.
jackgolding
I want to add that it is healthy to see mental health professionals and its probably best if everyone sees one once in their life.
ddorian43
Maybe you're burnout or depressed (see depression signs) ?
vineet
What is your nutrition story like? Do you have a healthy diet?

Your symptoms could also be caused by a vitamin deficiency.

venantius
At $10k/mo, you can easily afford to hire someone else. That'll both give you a community to keep you encouraged and give you a bit of breathing room, which you should use to take a vacation.
sharemywin
Are you sure you don't need another goal? sounds like you might have hit a plateau and it's time to find another goal.
Fradow
Do you work from home? If you do, consider going somewhere else to work, and make that place your workplace. Coworking spaces are especially good because you'll be around people working all day, which will stimulate you to work too, without having to actually employ anyone, like other comments suggest.

Some people are not made to work alone year-long. I know I'm one of them, working for home has been exactly what you described. Now that I'm in an office, I spend most of my workday actually working.

LandR
This co-working thing can backfire a bit. I work alone in a shared office. There are plenty of people around, but they are all in teams and no one really talks other people from not their team / company.
_xhok
I used to be the same way.

Wake up at 5am, meditate, exercise, and shower before starting your day. Stop eating processed carbs and sugar. Get off the computer at 9pm and sleep at 10pm. Clean your room. Schedule sprints of work for yourself, drag yourself over to your chair, and force yourself to start typing anything. Talk to your friends more often. Set 1-3 large goals at the beginning of the day and explain to yourself why they're important.

There are lots of reasons you might be feeling this way, and it's different for everyone. Maybe you're disorganized, or you feel your work is too easy, or your health is bad. You'll have to find out which one it is by trying a lot of different things.

If after doing all this you still feel the same way, please seriously consider the very real possibility of clinical depression, and seek professional help.

dna_polymerase
The sleep and diet parts are really important. Exercise also helps a lot! Can't recommend this enough!
Gideonnn
This goal is too hard to achieve! It is like the 10x programmer, it is just too much to be a realistic goal. I mean, good for you if you can wake up every day at 5 am and meditate. But aside from the 0.0001% of people on the world that can do this, most people can't.

This is a way of life which seems like living in a monastery to me. Totally unrealistic.

ryanwaggoner
Neither getting up at 5am or daily meditation are all that rare or difficult. And if you take perfection out of the equation, as you should, then aiming to do them 80-90% of the time makes it even easier.

I’m a natural night owl, but I routinely (80-90% of the time) go to bed early and get up at 4am. It’s really not that hard.

theonething
> It's really not that hard.

Based on the current research on chronotypes [0], you seem to be the exception, not the norm.

'“If people are left to their naturally preferred times, they feel much better. They say that they are much more productive. The mental capacity they have is much broader,” says Oxford University biologist Katharina Wulff, who studies chronobiology and sleep.'[1]

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronotype

[1] http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20171114-why-you-shouldnt-t...

nicolashahn
Throwing a bit of anecdotal evidence out: throughout high school I had to get up at 6:45 every weekday for four years, and constantly felt tired throughout the day, but it cleared up at night and I'd be energized at 1am. I had to take naps after school, but even if I didn't I'd still be unable to sleep at 11pm. Something about everyone else around me being asleep and not distracting me allowed me to focus on things better.

Now I have a job with very flexible hours so I go to sleep at 2am and wake up at 10am like clockwork. I feel and perform much better all around. I'm convinced that if I had had a sleep schedule that worked for me in my teens I'd have been able to achieve much more than I did.

ryanwaggoner
I think your claim (and probably mine) is too broad. It sounds like most people have a fair degree of flexibility, and I'm skeptical about our depth of knowledge in this area. For example, this:

When they wake early, for example, night owls are still producing melatonin. “Then you disrupt it and push the body to be in the daytime mode. That can have lots of negative physiological consequences,” Wulff says, like a different sensitivity to insulin and glucose – which can cause weight gain.

I couldn't find the study where that came from, but I wonder how long it lasted. Even now, if I revert back to staying up late, it can take a few days of getting up early before it feels amazing.

All of which is to say that I suspect that genetics plays a role in our natural preferences, but our bodies seem remarkably adaptable to different lifestyles.

Also, I think it was probably unfair of me to say "it's not that hard", because it took me years to get to the point where getting up at 4am wasn't that big of a deal. In retrospect, the key is almost embarrassingly obvious: go to bed early (9p). I don't take melatonin or anything, but I've always had a really easy time falling asleep, so others might find that helpful in getting over the initial transition of early bedtimes.

kyle_0110
I don't understand what's so unrealistic about gp post, it can easily be done as a 40 min morning routine.

Meditation can be as short as a couple minutes, budget 5 min. A good workout can be done in 20 min, and 15 min for a shower.

There is nothing magical about that. I dont wake up at 5am, I wake up at 6:45, but the routine is just as effective at 6:45am :)

I also agree mood is highly affected by diet, so save some time and get some good nutrition in by topping that morning routine off with some premade in mason jar overnight oats (rolled oats, milk, chia seeds, a fruit and a nut )

10 minutes to get dressed, and your ready for the day within an hour from wakeup.

sotojuan
When people say waking up at 5am/sleeping at 10 or earlier is hard, they don't mean the physical act of waking up or sleeping early is hard - that just takes some time/body adjustment.

In my experience people fail to do it because of social reasons - if you are young it is likely that your current social activities or groups might lead you to get home past 10pm.

icebraining
Less than seven solid hours of sleep? Isn't that a bit on the low side?
owebmaster
> Stop eating processed carbs and sugar.

If I could pick one of all advices you gave this is the one which I think has more impact. Free yourself from food slavery.

brianwawok
I think cardio edges our carbs by a little bit.

If I am excising well, think marathon buildup.. extra carbs do not make me feel any different. Greasy and fried food gets me, but not carbs.

If I am not exercising, almost any reasonable of carbs makes me feel terrible.

Hard to just pick 1, but I do think exercise wins for me by a small margin over clean eating..

owebmaster
Sure, I don't mean it as radically avoid carbs, but by following this rule I'm much more conscious about the carbs I eat. Including mcdonalds fries.
brianwawok
I find it easier to just blanket ban foods. Works better for my personality type.

French fries are on my never ever touch list, along with soda and a few more items.

jlelonm
What's the definition of a processed carb? I'm scarily ignorant about this.

I feel like anything in the frozen foods / microwave it 2 mins and eat it isle probably falls into this category, but I'm not sure exactly why. Is it the enriched wheat flour? Do you know a good unbiased resource for learning about this?

helen842000
Carbohydrates is a term that groups sugars, starches & fibre together. There are simple carbohydrates (breads, cereals, desserts and other man-made carbs) and complex carbs (fruit, veg, whole grain foods)

Simple carbs are broken down and consumed very easily, complex carbs take longer to be absorbed and energy is released over a longer period.

A good rule is to eat things as close to their natural form as possible.

Most products have been processed in some way before eating - cleaning & packaging being the simplest.

However baking, frying, adding excess sugar/salt, preservatives, additives, etc happens in a large amount of products that we don't realise. It is astonishingly easy to consume these products to excess (muffins, donuts, bread, potato products).

Frozen food / microwave in 2 mins is not actually bad for you. You can get bags of microwave rice or veg that are perfectly healthy (check the ingredients).

A good place to start is getting familiar with where certain foods are in the Glycemic Index.

In terms of improving your own diet and improving energy, just make simple substitutions. Swap fries > sweet potato, or white bread > whole grain wraps, or chips > nuts & seeds.

mabynogy
Maybe you dislike the tools you use, or the domain you work on...

Without details, it's difficult to point the issues.

You could try to ask that to someone you trust.

GrumpyNl
Sound like you need a vacation.
thisisit
How about selling me the services business? ;)

Jokes aside, loneliness is a serious problem ignored in tech circles. The water cooler talks and that annoying co-worker is missed only when that is missing. So build a team.

kowdermeister
I'd move to a co-working space or simply rent a small office. I did that while freelancing and startupping and never had trouble starting the day.

However don't be shy to take @dkns's advice try a professionals help, there's nothing wrong taking care about mental health too.

campbellmorgan
I completely agree with this. While there can be many other issues that are worth seeking professional advice for, being on ones own for prolonged periods is definitely bad for one's mental health. I recently watched a documentary on the effects of solitary confinment on prison inmates and saw that I was developing very mild symptoms described by working on my own at home for many days consecutively. Even having people in view helps immeasurably.
tenkabuto
It sounds like you might be having a difficult time transitioning from the non-work (personal?) mindset to the work mindset. If this is indeed the case, I have found the following to help: develop a middle ground that warms you up for whichever mindset you shall transition to.

Find some topics within the work domain that interest you personally. (Maybe jot some down as you come across an idea or two while working, then set them aside for this semi-work period.) Allow yourself to look into these, slowly getting yourself interested in moving into the work mindset.

This may feel like you're further postponing work, but it may in fact lead you to start work much sooner than if you did not do this.

tw1010
Getting into a habit of exercise is the obvious answer. A less conventional advice that has sometimes worked for me is to totally embrace the feeling of being somber, and binge on some of the classic sort of miserable apathetic existentialist books. Things like Albert Camus' The Stranger, Sartre's Nausia, Beckett's Waiting for Godot, and Dostoyevsky's Notes from Underground. Sometimes after I have read those works, after I have stopped trying to ignore the feeling and just went all in for a few days, do I even get bored with being miserable and then start to look for other emotions to experience, and usually they're a lot happier in flavour. Obviously this advice could also exacerbate the problem, so try it at your own risk.
harness_up
What you describe sounds awful. I'm sorry that you're going through that. Some of the advice already mentioned is good. I would add that everyone needs something outside of work, a social life, hobbies, etc...It doesn't sound like your business suffers if you don't start work first thing in morning. If that's the case, don't worry about it and spend the time from when you wake up on other non-work things. Things that engage your imagination, passions, and body. Then come to "work" in the afternoon refreshed. I wish you the best of luck.
jondubois
That's a pretty good situation to be in.

I think that maybe it's partially because you spend too much time on Hacker News. On HN, you constantly read about people who are luckier than you who complain about their lives... Then you think "Whoa; these people have way more than me and they're unhappy about it; how am I supposed to feel?" - Answer: "Depressed".

malmsteen
Because there's more to life than being successful and earning money: being part of a team, having successful relationships with family/friends/lovers and other factors is 90% of your happiness..

So the problem is not probably the money, nor actually the diet / exercise, it won't make you happy because you are already disciplined enough in many ways so more discipline to you will not make you more happy. Instead you should focus on these other valuable aspects of life:

- Learning to have fun

- Learning to be crazy

- Deepening your relationships.

You're depressed because there's a lack of something and clearly it's not money so i would say it's relationships / feelings maybe.. or maybe a bit of craziness ? We (SWE/maths guys) live in a world of rule and order but it's not most of the essense of life. Life is messy and cahotic and we are made to embrace it somehow... (edit: even it looks hard or if there is a voice in your head saying 'this advice is stupid')

Finally a quote that i like: "sex is like water, it only becomes important when you don't lacking of".. it's actually not only sex the same for food, personal relationships, money, family. Life is pretty much about equilibrating a few of these "basic needs". Just find what is missing to you.

mattferderer
This is really great advice. Balance is something I think many of us forget. Without it I think it's hard to appreciate the good things. It reminds me of a Bible quote I seen in a book the other week that reads like a nice poem. I think it's relevant to anyone.

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Interpret it however you want, I don't personally feel it promotes violence but I do think it shows how one might not appreciate the good without the bad. It personally reminds me that life needs balance & importantly, life needs much of the above not just being productive & wealthy which many of us focus on to much.

arca_vorago
I suspect if you take the time to look back at the last few months, and then the last few months +, then run a mental diff, you will find your answer.
atsaloli
What is your purpose in life? Does your work align with your purpose?
benmorris
I've lived this type of life for the last 5 years (solopreneur as you put it). Reading the other comments it seems like you don't have very strict boundaries of work time. You're getting a lot of good feedback. I agree with others you are likely experiencing burnout. You obviously like your work, but if you aren't motivated to get started then it will probably not get any easier. Again, from experience, spend your off time not doing or thinking too much about your work.