Ask HN: What should I do with my life?
I have no real interests other than hanging with friends and family and socializing. I browse reddit all day due to a lack of other things I want to do. If I won the lottery I don't think my life would change at all.
How am I supposed to figure out what I want to do for a living when I have no interests? I've tried many things in my life but I find them boring after trying them for a while. I have all the time in the world and a decent amount of money and I'm under 30 and healthy. I feel like I'm throwing away my life.
I used to have an entrepreneurial spirit and worked on a startup for a bit before I had my crisis last year and had to stop. I feel like the passion for that is gone now because there's nothing I'm interested in and want to work on.
What's my first step supposed to be when there's nothing I really want to do?
74 comments
[ 2.0 ms ] story [ 199 ms ] threadI mean if you find life dissatisfying now. What do you have to lose? But you may discover something you never even knew existed. You said you have time and money. What else are those things for if not trying new things in life? You only get one to do things as far as we can tell. If what you're doing now sucks and small things don't help try making a big ridiculous terrifying change. Just do something on a whim. I've done it lots and I can tell you my life certainly has been interesting. It doesn't always work out well but it's never boring. I've been everything from a biologist to a programmer, to a garderner to a cnc operator. I've ran my own business, I helped start a non-profit organization. That's just work let alone my fucked up personal life. I've never had a lot of money or time though. I just take the opportunities that come and go where life takes me.
I learned valuable things from my experiences - I learned how much I value the meaningful friendships and connections I have in my life. I learned that my concept of "I could be happy if only I found the right place to live" to be untrue, as I knew before but had trouble believing until I tried it for myself. I learned how great it is to meet new people, which was new for me as a life-long introvert.
I do really value my friends, my relationship, and my family. They give me meaning in life more than anything else, and I don't just want to leave it all behind to find myself because I feel I've mostly already done that.
My last resort in life would be to move to Thailand to become a Buddhist monk. But I'm not quite there yet.
If that's the case, then reframe the question to some variation of "what should I do with my life that will enhance/maximize the relationships I find meaningful?", or perhaps "what should I do with my life that will bring me into contact with more of the kind of people I would want as friends?".
For example, if your family/friends tend to be literary folks, you might consider becoming a librarian, or managing a bookstore.
There are heuristics for doing this. You don't have to explore randomly. One heuristic is to start from people you think are cool, and learn about what they do. Another is to ask yourself if there are things you're overlooking because they seem too hard, or not what you're expected (by e.g your parents, or society) to do.
There are so many things to do. The probability that not one of them would be fun for you is very low.
I think this is really good advice, thank you.
I think running a business is cool, being the one who facilitates everyone else in their work so that something meaningful can be made. I guess that's sort of a product manager position, which I think would be fulfilling if it was a meaningful product. But the problem is that it's pretty difficult to find a job like that for someone with no management or leadership experience and it's not something I can just do by myself. Maybe I can find a project manager position as a stepping stone to this?
I will give this more thought. Thank you.
For some people work isn't their goal, it's other things. So it's not "how do I find the job that will be the be-all of my life", it's "how can I get paid enough to fund the things I actually care about."
If you have enough money that you don't need to work for now—that's fine. Reduce your living expenses and it'll go even further.
When you need money, you can just get a job that you don't hate, cash your paycheck, and not worry about "passion".
Guard the paths; protect the weak.
Teach what you know.
This journey, your journey, the words you wrote they will be questions asked silently elsewhere by others.
In asking you are already brave.
Write about the journey as you have written this question.
This will help others and perhaps it will lead to someone suggesting something, another good heuristic for knowledge is have many other minds helping to answer your questions.
0 - https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0195374614
https://moxie.org/blog/career-advice/
Most people are in the rat race of this materialistic life and do not even get time to think, let alone find meaning and purpose of their life which is not necessarily worldly as proven by your lottery comment.
My advice - see if connecting with God and reflecting on his creations helps you find the right path and purpose.
That's some confusing advice.
For example, I found a literacy center near me that teaches adults who want it reading/writing/basic math. I spent 3~ hours a week for 9~ months teaching a man who had immigrated here and it was an extremely fulfilling experience for both of us, at minimal effort.
Think of it kind of like major surgery. You don't go back to work full time the day after surgery. It can take weeks or months to recover post surgery.
I get super frustrated during periods when my energy is rising, but I still don't really have my act together yet. I am bored and restless and aggravated and can't focus and it makes me crazy.
Work on your physical health. Work on your sleep hygiene. Work on any loose ends remaining from your crisis.
You sound to me like someone still physically and mentally tired and not really over whatever went down. You need to completely recover before you will feel inspired or interested in anything.
If money is not an issue, give yourself another 3 to 6 months to wrap up your recovery process. Revisit The Meaning of Life and Whatever Shall I Do? type questions when you are more recovered.
Tying up loose ends from my crisis is difficult because it involves someone else I haven't spoken to since. I'm not sure it's my place to instigate that, and it frankly feels as though it may still be too soon for both of us. Regardless you motivated me to draft a short message inviting a discussion and I'll spend the next few days considering whether to send it.
Thank you for the kind and thoughtful response.
1. Journal as a way to sort your thoughts and deal with your feelings.
2. Figure out how and why things went wrong as a means to learn from it so you are less likely to go through this again. Fear of being hurt in the same way is a huge obstacle to moving on. The best antidote is to learn from the experience so that is unlikely.
3. Pursue a creative outlet, like music, art or poetry, as a means to fully express the depths of your feelings about the matter.
4. "Forgive" yourself. Most people are raised with either a shame or a guilt model and really beat themselves up when things go wrong. The reality is that life is a growth experience. You aren't going to have all the answers, all the time for everything. Accepting that and dealing gently and compassionately with yourself is one of best things you can do to help you move on from social drama.
Best.
I think I'll go grab a guitar a friend offered me for free and play with that. I used to in college.
I think this is a good start, because of course our Creator is the person with most wisdom. And simply, our Creator is the one who create us, so we must know why he create us to have a meaningful life.
For the rest of the bible, pick one with modern language. Although the antiquated language of the King James Version feels more serious, it's easy to misunderstand.
Particularly, there are exercises meant to help you find your values, then figure out how to do more things you find valuable in your life.
Link: https://www.amazon.com/DBT%C2%AE-Skills-Training-Manual-Seco...
Seriously, the truth is, you've got it right. There is no pre-defined 'purpose' to existence. One day, the sun will be a bit of charcoal, and that'll be the end.
With that established, you do have a whole life ahead of you that you're sort of stuck with. There isn't much to do except have a blast while it lasts! What else would make sense, after all.
There are a few restrictions, such as that you'll probably want to be sufficiently productive to sustain a lifestyle with healthcare, food, clothing and a safe place to sleep.
You have a lot going for you. You have the intelligence to figure out that there questions about existence that society doesn't really have an answer to. You have the wisdom and warmth to value friendship and family above other things. You are probably physically healthy too.
Kind, wise, and a bit too smart than is good for your mental health.
Now, a few practical steps...
First, lay off Reddit and the like. It's just the digital equivalent of alcohol: to be enjoyed in small doses, not too waste your days away. If you find out that skipping a few days is hard, then you have discovered how addictive these screens really are.
Second, much like advice already given, think of something you find cool, and look into that. Do check if it allows a lifestyle that you want.
This is hard.
Today I dreamt of walking into a local bank and saying: "let's stop foreclosing homes and making entire neighborhoods worthless. Let's just let these people keep their house, and work on their budget management skills and find a job for them. We'll issue a local iou-currency that costs us nothing, give micro-credits in it, and start building a local, small-scale community and economy. It's the only way to save them, and thereby, our bank." Unfortunately, it's a few years late for that one.
Or I imagine working on transport and neighborhoods, just making things nicer.
Or try to figure out rules that would lead to a cost-efficient health care system.
You say you have some financial freedom, maybe you can make a sufficiently profitable dream a reality.
If you manage, let me know how you did it. I'm still working on that part.
Third, do keep busy. You'll have less time to think about your existential crisis and you'll be more likely to come across something that you'll like, which would solve the whole thing. At least it beats being on Reddit the whole day.
Good luck.
I can at the very least be a listening ear, and maybe provide some advice having been in similar places.
I don't have any general advice but would love to help.
Info in profile.
Cultivating a real hobby will be more fulfilling for you than reddit, you'll be happier.
I'm sorry, but I don't think you have. You're browsing reddit all day and seem unmotivated.
You need to speak to a therapist and consider medication. This is not a troll post, I promise - I'm stuck in the same hole as you right now. A breakdown last year that's given me a real sense of depersonalization.
I also don't have health insurance because it's ridiculously expensive and I'm quite healthy and always have been and accept the financial risks of not having it. That said, getting medicated right now is probably prohibitively expensive without insurance.
I appreciate your perspective on me maybe not being recovered. It's not something I considered, and I'm historically a very poor judge of my own mental well-being. I will spend time considering this.
Truly, thank you so much for the response
i can't say i support all the advice on this board to find religion. but to each his/her own.
when i was in your shoes, i took some time off, traveled a bit. going to the gym and showering every day is a good plan. Get StayFocusd or similar browser extension, and set a 10-minute total-per-day limit on all news + social media between the hours of 7am and 10pm.
try a musical instrument. it's social, fun, challenging, there's no end to how good you can get if you stick with it, lots of lessons on youtube, and it's relatively cheap (eg - used stratocaster guitar and 20W practice amp, and some cables and a tuner and spare strings and an effects pedal or two and you're set for a long time for <$1K)
If you can afford to be idle, maybe try auditing some classes at your local university this semester. just browse the catalog and pick a few that sound good, nobody's going to notice you in a lecture with more than 50 people in it. computer science, economics, liberal arts, philosophy classes, whatever amuses you. you're learning something and college campuses are full of ideas and energy, and maybe it will inspire you.