Ask HN: Why do the things you are most afraid of?

Example: triathlon: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triathlon

Swimming first - cause if you are really tired you have higher odds of drowning.

Cycling after - cause if you're really tired you might fall off at high speed, run into something, again, at high speed, therefore possibly hurting yourself badly.

Running last - cause you have the lowest risk of injuring yourself seriously if something bad happens.

I guess the guiding principle would be "fail fast". Do the hard stuff first cause if you can't do it you have time to recover. And obviously, if you manage to do it, congrats, everything else is smooth sailing.

When you're averse to something, you don't even tend to think of it as a possibility, even when it would be the best solution to your current problems.

Anecdotally, I've found that doing a thing I'm afraid of dramatically expands my mental universe of available options, which helps me get better in all important facets of my life - business, dating, friendships, etc.

"Because there is no growth in comfort."

Different domains have different requirements, other comments suggest this is fine advice for sports.

Perhaps the original was "do the solution that will teach you the most"? But even then, there are cases where learning is not a goal.

"Do the thing you're most afraid of" has some caveats, presumably, like "where the actual worst case is not dying." Like, I'm afraid of being hit by a car if I run through a red light, so not planning on running red lights.

That doesn't sound as catchy as the fortune cookie version, but it's better advice IMHO.

Scared of Snakes: Held snakes my at many different times. My older brother even had a pet snake. My dad had a store he went to that had dozens of HUGE pythons and I spent a while in there. I STILL HATE SNAKES

Scare of heights (Uncontrollable shakes): At 18 I decided to do roofing for the summer. Climbed up and down ladders for 3 months. I still shake and it didn't get worse.

Positive: I had the self-discipline to still do things that scare me.

Negative: I have no control over the things that still scare me. I can't make them not scary.

Fundamentally, people are afraid of events associated with FUD because they perceive that dealing with them will yield emotional trauma, failure, negative social outcomes, or all of the above. Frequently this is based on past negative outcomes in trying to deal with these problems or watching others fail in trying to deal with these problems, so a defense mechanism gets built up which tries to avoid the context all together via anxiety, procrastination, or denial.

In my experience, almost all of my fears associated with FUD have significantly negatively affected my quality of life, and contrary to my emotional reactions and assumptions, I have dramatically improved my quality of life by tackling them. These would include fears surrounding starting a business; career changes; sexual desires; dating and relationships; acknowledging health problems; conflict at work; and acknowledging psych defects, biases, and inefficient models of thinking.

The way I tend to approach these problems is by logically deconstructing the problem into it's component parts without emotion, finding best practice ways of tackling each component, and trying to implement that methodology as to give me the highest probability for success. I also find it helpful to enlist close friends for emotional support and to see how they have dealt with similar problems in the past. While I stumbled frequently with this technique and did indeed experience short term unhappiness, in the long term I was able to successfully deal with most of my major problems which made me substantially happier.

When people talk about choosing the harder path, it's normally around finding your weakness and fix it, or at least be able to admit and be comfortable with your shortcomings. Having too many insecurities make you mentally weak.

There is also greater sense of accomplishment after succeeding something hard.

On more practical side, every now and then, life presents you an easy choice and a hard choice, like starting a new venture versus staying at a comfortable job; cutting down on expenses to stay focused on school versus work more hours on a menial job for better material comfort; follow others versus taking charge. The harder choices normally have better rewards.

Again, take things in context, use your critical thinking to understand your choices, don't just apply advises blindly.

Overcoming irrational fears is a huge part of personal development.

My even more powerful version of that is seeing that platform of 'took action' is actually right there next to me every second and the moment I act I stop descending to worse situations.

Helping quite a bit to train myself out of fear responses that I've had for decades.

The only way to grow, to expand your capabilities, is to go beyond your limitations.

Going beyond limitations, into the unknown, into a situation where we lack knowledge and understanding, places you into a place of uncertainty, of metaphorical darkness and chaos.

The only way to illuminate the place beyond and make it know is to go there. This is terrifying, because it involves risk.

You must overcome your ego, which orders the way in which we see the world, and evaluate possibilities that will aid in our survival.

In order to grow, and attain mastery, the ego must collapse, and with it all the ideas of what is possible or impossible, knowable and unknowable.

The ego beyond itself in order to expand into something greater.

You cannot grab hold of the new when you are holding onto the old.

Letting go of the “old” means letting go of everything you thought you new, in order to embrace new experiences that instruct us toward something greater than what we were.

Struggle is essential for personal growth.

Struggle is pain, and pain is a primitive instinct that is always to be avoided.

But if it doesn’t challenge you, it cannot change you.

Most fear is rational according to the prevailing ego who is fearful.

But it underestimates its potential to adapt to the unknown.

Change occurs due to inspiration or desperation.

Evolution requires change.

Sometimes you get to pick your challenges. Sometimes you don’t.

But the only way to adapt and gain strength to overcome obstacles that are perceived to be impossible or insurmountable is to confront that fear and do it anyway.

Once you have courage to step into the darkness, you illuminate it, and embrace and figure out whatever you were unprepared to encounter. This process, while sometimes easy, is most of the time uncomfortable, and challenging.

By persistenting, and making the unknown known, our ego can become stronger, and more adept at handling difficulties.

I used to be terrified of spiders. Various things have helped me get over that, including being a parent. Hunting down large spiders in spite of my fear to protect my kids because that was my duty as a parent plus other parenting experiences has put a stop to that phobia.

I don't actively seek opportunities to face my fears, but I don't shirk my duties or let my fears stop me from having a life or accomplishing goals. Because I'm not their bitch and will not be owned by them.

You can go after your goals or cower in the corner and let your fears unduly limit you. I choose the former, not the latter.

That doesn't mean I won't avoid things I hate if I can. If there is an easy out that doesn't have an objectionable downside I absolutely will take that. It's a case by case judgement call as to what the best answer is.

I'm not sure why this is puzzling for you; maybe you are imagining important/useful fears like a pedestrian's fear of being hit by a car.

I don't remember hearing the "pick the harder solution" version before. But Bob Brown (inspirational Australian environmentalist/politician) said "...if ever you are faced with two options, choose the most adventurous." - which makes a lot of sense to me, and maybe is what they meant. Just doing the harder option for no particular reason doesn't make a lot of sense.

Are you afraid of being homeless and destitute? Good. That is a good fear to have, and you shouldn't "make it happen." Afraid of jumping off a four-story building? Likewise, good. Afraid of bungee-jumping? That one's questionable, but still not a bad fear. Afraid of asking for a date? Okay, you need to do that one a little so you get over it. Short answer? It depends on the fear and the consequences of failure.

I usually do the thing I am afraid of _if my fear seems irrational_. I have had good success with this: about 70% of the time, I overcome the irrational fear, about 30% of the time, I am still just as afraid later. If my fear is healthy, I leave it alone. So far, I have also had good success with this.

Avoiding the first one is mostly a matter of which city you live in. Back when I lived in Austin, beyond buying a wide-angle mirror and being attentive, I just had to accept that if I wanted to get groceries, I would need to risk killing a cyclist. Now that I live in London and can take public transport everywhere, I can totally avoid that fear.

With writing, I often run into situations where to accomplish some goal I really care about (getting a new job, applying to mentor kids, etc.) I need to write as a means to that end. There are things I can do to make that easier, but fundamentally I do need to bear the discomfort. I think this is what the articles are actually getting at: when you have some irreducable and unavoidable barrier in front of you, then you need to be able to say to yourself "This is scary; This is uncomfortable; But this is necessary and worth it and I am stronger than I think."