Independence, being in great physical shape, and sharing as many meals as possible with friends. Having interesting friends outside of tech. Enough money to never worry about money, which varies widely from person to person. Never, ever worrying about hierarchies of any sort.
Helping others around me. As Ive grown up and become (I guess) a little more successful, material things dont matter so much, but helping my employees grow and fulfill their potential is very satisfying.
As a gay man I wonder if theres some latent paternal forces coming through here, any straight people (bosses) with employees, do you also feel some sense of crossover with your children and employees? Just curious
I do, for sure. Feeling like you're helping your employees (and they're sending signals that they feel helped) definitely relates to the delight you get from watching your children grow.
Yeah, I am straight and have the same instinct. There's nothing quite like helping another person blossom into their full self. I don't think this is uncommon, btw. I think this is basically coaching, but in a business setting. There is definitely some overlap with parenting, but there is also definitely some stuff that is unique to parenting.
Sitting by the fire with my feet up. Tea. Coffee. A good book. My dog. Music. Klipschorns. Watching children discover something new. Tutoring. Walking in the woods. Napping.
First it was appreciation. The ability to appreciate everything. When I hit my bottom in college, that was the first piece that shaped the rest of my life.
There is a difference between having your goals and lifestyle preferences hinging on your ego, or simply just that, enhancements.
Now, it's about controlling my schedule indefinitely. Having control of my queue (time) in life is top priority. From there, everything is possible.. your health, family time and so on. On a daily basis, I take inventory through appreciation of waking up today, the things that have been, are, and becoming. The people plus my intentions which are manifesting is some of what keeps happiness remaining daily.
I've given up on trying to find happiness and instead, find things to be happy about in things I do.
I have an old project I've been working on, on and off. Fixing bugs doesn't make me happy; but I asked the client if I could spend some time / billable hours updating some of my old code and they approved; that made me happy.
I don't particularly like going for walks, but the girl friend and her son do; spending time with them makes me happy so I go for the walk.
Paying bills, cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, doesn't make me happy. But being out of a bad 8 year marriage and on my own (when the girl friend isn't around) makes me happy so I do them, willingly (and they need to get done, lol...)
You can find happiness in anything around you that you do; you just need to be willing to find it.</poetic>
Ebullient happiness is an epiphenomenon. It's a fleeting thing that happens as a result of actions whose ultimate goal is satisfaction and a sense of peace.
Shooting for happy is, to quote bruce lee, "...like pointing a finger at the moon. Focus on the finger and you miss all that heavenly glory." It's a gift, but it's not a reward. Treating happiness as a reward or something you deserve is a great way to make sure you never get it.
I appreciate and revel in the happy moments that come, for me, from service and exploration and study.
The classic dyad, caring about someone deeply and having them care about you, is a great way to do that.
But even if you’re unpartnered, or partnership isn’t your thing, the best parts of life are often when you’re caring for others.
After that, it’s more about knowing how you’re wired and doing whatever serves that. I need to spend a lot of time in physically beautiful places and experience novel sensations and adventures. Other people are homebodies.
Interestingly you will get a completely different answer if you ask people how happy they are with their car compared to asking them how happy they were with their morning drive to the office.
well, not sure about others, but for myself, I know what makes me happy after paying attention to my feelings I have after doing various stuff and reflecting on the circumstances in which I have had them. I do it pretty often.
Sometimes, though, I do fall into a trap of mixing up causality and correlation.
I may feel happy after talking to someone... and only after concluding a thorough analysis of my feeling and the timeline, I may realize that the fact of _finishing_ the talk with that person makes me happy and not the talk itself 8-( )
Last year I got myself a copy of "The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom" by Jonthan Haidt. It has an interesting take on what really makes people happy.
To quote wikipedia -
In it, Haidt poses several "Great Ideas" on happiness espoused by thinkers of the past – Plato, Buddha, Jesus and others – and examines them in the light of contemporary psychological research, extracting from them any lessons that still apply to our modern lives. Central to the book are the concepts of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning.
I have been following some of the suggestions in there - more vacations and holidays, meditation, helping people etc which has surely helped me become happier.
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[ 1.5 ms ] story [ 183 ms ] threadI need to fit this in here somehow: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdfeXqHFmPI
(Note: That's what I want, not necessarily what I have atm.)
That’s it. When I make happiness any more complicated than that, it instantly begins to elude me.
But when I take happiness down to those basic elements — I’m happy :)
As a gay man I wonder if theres some latent paternal forces coming through here, any straight people (bosses) with employees, do you also feel some sense of crossover with your children and employees? Just curious
- Spending non-screen time with my wife and 2 year old daughter.
- Exersize.
- Unsolicited positive reviews of a product I built, talk I gave, or book I wrote from someone I don't know and don't want anything in return.
And something a lot of people on HN probably is thinking but doesn't want to admit:
- Out innovating and out performing the products I compete with. Especially if they are a much larger company than mine.
But I hope I can soon also add to the list:
- Relaxing without worrying about a deadline
- Reading books again
There is a difference between having your goals and lifestyle preferences hinging on your ego, or simply just that, enhancements.
Now, it's about controlling my schedule indefinitely. Having control of my queue (time) in life is top priority. From there, everything is possible.. your health, family time and so on. On a daily basis, I take inventory through appreciation of waking up today, the things that have been, are, and becoming. The people plus my intentions which are manifesting is some of what keeps happiness remaining daily.
I have an old project I've been working on, on and off. Fixing bugs doesn't make me happy; but I asked the client if I could spend some time / billable hours updating some of my old code and they approved; that made me happy.
I don't particularly like going for walks, but the girl friend and her son do; spending time with them makes me happy so I go for the walk.
Paying bills, cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, doesn't make me happy. But being out of a bad 8 year marriage and on my own (when the girl friend isn't around) makes me happy so I do them, willingly (and they need to get done, lol...)
You can find happiness in anything around you that you do; you just need to be willing to find it.</poetic>
Ebullient happiness is an epiphenomenon. It's a fleeting thing that happens as a result of actions whose ultimate goal is satisfaction and a sense of peace.
Shooting for happy is, to quote bruce lee, "...like pointing a finger at the moon. Focus on the finger and you miss all that heavenly glory." It's a gift, but it's not a reward. Treating happiness as a reward or something you deserve is a great way to make sure you never get it.
I appreciate and revel in the happy moments that come, for me, from service and exploration and study.
The classic dyad, caring about someone deeply and having them care about you, is a great way to do that.
But even if you’re unpartnered, or partnership isn’t your thing, the best parts of life are often when you’re caring for others.
After that, it’s more about knowing how you’re wired and doing whatever serves that. I need to spend a lot of time in physically beautiful places and experience novel sensations and adventures. Other people are homebodies.
Not trying to be a wise ass here - just curious how people know what makes them happy. Asking because I have a hard time answering OP's question
Sometimes, though, I do fall into a trap of mixing up causality and correlation.
I may feel happy after talking to someone... and only after concluding a thorough analysis of my feeling and the timeline, I may realize that the fact of _finishing_ the talk with that person makes me happy and not the talk itself 8-( )
To quote wikipedia -
In it, Haidt poses several "Great Ideas" on happiness espoused by thinkers of the past – Plato, Buddha, Jesus and others – and examines them in the light of contemporary psychological research, extracting from them any lessons that still apply to our modern lives. Central to the book are the concepts of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning.
I have been following some of the suggestions in there - more vacations and holidays, meditation, helping people etc which has surely helped me become happier.