When I'm feeling the most down, I find getting outside helps more than anything else. More than talking to someone, more than drinking/smoking or any other substance. Also, stay away from social media or even watching youtube videos.
Thanks for asking! I think this is an important topic that not enough people talk about.
First and foremost I know myself. I've spent a long time figuring out who I am and why. This allows me to set myself up for success. I've lived around the world, and I've had lots of different experiences and friends. Ultimately that led me to understand where I want to be and who I want to share my life with.
I avoid toxic people in my life. I know who will just make me angry and bring me down, and I choose to avoid spending too much time with them, even if they are close family.
My dad took his own life last year, and that led to me seeking help. Know when to seek help. You don't have to go through anything alone. Therapy and support groups have been amazing for my mental health.
Finally, mindfulness. I allow my emotions to move through me freely, but I don't let them take over if I can. I acknowledge them and their purpose, and I know they will pass. Even the darkest, scariest feelings or visions eventually pass (in my case anyway).
I've been working as a cofounder of a startup and fullstack engineer the last 4 years and have tried a lot of different things to manage mental health.
One important comment I want to make is that even well managed, life is a journey with peaks and valleys. Its part of being human to struggle with this (and occasionally conquer it).
Current habits / beliefs:
1. I've been practicing MBSR (mindfulness meditation) for 40 - 60 minutes 5 days a week for almost 2 years. I cannot stress how powerful I believe the impact of this practice has been for me, nor how challenging it is to develop this habit. The investment is absolutely worth it.
2. I cycle in and out of a ketogenic diet (2 - 3 months on , 2 -3 months off). I lost 40 pounds and got to a very healthy weight in the very first cycle, haven't needed to lose weight since but I believe the diet + the weight have a profound impact on my mood stability and self perception respectively.
3. Connect with people. I'm not sure if its because I enjoy writing software so much or have any natural tendencies toward introversion, but I've gone through periods where I don't do this and there's a good correlation there with my mental health. I'll prioritize activities with friends and families at the same "strict" level as meditation. They can add perspective and meaning to life in ways nothing else can.
Edit: Also in the worst of times I'll turn to "Feeling Good" by David Burns, and finally the plug for if things are really rough professional help is the way to go.
- Exercising (doesn't have to be strenuous, can just be a walk around your neighborhood)
- Writing my thoughts down when I am overwhelmed
- Never trying to keep too much information in my head at once
- Talking with a family member or close friend on the phone
- Avoiding social media and comparing myself to others
- Reading (about anything)
And most importantly is not being hard on myself. As a perfectionist, I have to take a step back sometimes and force myself to gain a different perspective. It's easier said than done but it's important for me to realize this.
Learning a CBT(cognitive behavioural therapy) tool, and make using it a habit.
For me it was "the work", by Byron Katie, which beyond all the mumbo jumbo, is just a very simple(great for habit formation) and very effective such tool and supposedly has some similar effect to meditation , learning to discern truth from all the stories our mind invents.
I made the decision to be positive and happy. Previously I let my mood/happiness levels be dictated by external factors. I realized that it was my decision so I started to make it a habit to be more positive.
I have a list of values/sayings which I review every week and I set a reminder on my phone. It keeps me focused on the most important things in life like my health and relationships with friends and family. I also believe in abundance mentality.
This is okay. Sometimes it's all you can manage. Honestly I've been going through a bout of something for about a year.
I'm fully functional 5 days a week at work but not when I am home and not on the weekends. At the moment, my apartment is a mess. I keep saying I'll get to it and at some point I will.
The thing that I had to learn to do was to not punish myself for failing to meet my own expectations. It isn't helpful.
Disappointed to see that "See a doctor or mental health professional" has not yet been mentioned. So I'll recommend that. My anxiety had started manifesting physically as panic attacks. After verifying my situation wasn't an emergency, he said my diagnosis was a no-brainer and prescribed Sertraline. It's helped a lot, and I've had no ill side-effects.
Please, please see a doctor or mental health professional if you suspect you have anxiety or depression. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll need medication if you're not keen on that. At the very least they will help you establish a baseline.
I see a therapist in the same way that I see a dentist – even if there's no immediate crisis, preventative care is generally much easier than waiting until there is some sort of major issue.
If we have someone check our teeth and gums a couple times a year just to clean out the gunk and make sure everything is ok, why wouldn't we do the same for our (arguably) most important organ?
In many states insurance covers these costs. On my insurance the cost is the same as a doctor appt, $40, and that includes both the subscriber and the dependents. Psychologists and psychiatrists. It can be hard to find doctors who are accepting new patients but its not impossible.
I'm sure that works for many. A mental health professional helped me a lot.
I saw an LCSW not a Psychiatrist. First thing he suggested, supplementing B vitamins and magnesium, along with exercise and diet. He said our other work would have limited effect otherwise. The healing therapies we engaged included directed breathing exercises, meditation, inventorying love relationships, and just talking through my limiting beliefs and my assumptions/misconceptions about myself and others. Most of the limiting beliefs were manifestations of survival skills developed in response to childhood trauma. Seeing it that way made it simple (not easy) to leave all that shit in the past and write a new future for myself.
That said, when it comes to medication, it's kind of like Russian Roulette. The documented side effects of SSRI-based antidepressants of suicide and homicide are catastrophic when the subject has a co-morbid disorder or perhaps genetic distinctiveness making them susceptible those side effects. There's no way to screen if a subject is prone to those effects, and basically there is no screening at all (similar to your own experience -- it was a "No Brainer") to determine if someone is clinically depressed. Such a diagnosis is achieved through non-invasive, casual observation, and is far from perfect.
Every mental health professional I have seen has suggested some sort of medication. And when I say suggested I mean pushed. It's like dude, how many times do I have to tell you NO.
Psychiatrists usually do, but I've never had an actual Ph.D. Psychologist do. They're usually all for cogantive/talk therapy/stress release techniques, etc. (At least in my and my family/friends experiences). Are you dealing instead with maybe mental health professionals without advanced degrees?
- Diet: Paleo-ish, I initially did the "4 Hour Body" diet to lose some weight and noticed I felt better all-around not eating bread/heavy carbs. On the other hand, bread is delicious. Mostly, I just try to avoid tons of sugar/insulin spikes.
Being disciplined about these things is pretty critical for me.
Totally agree. I go the work with my bike, it's good for mental and physic health. When I go back to my home - and if I don't have extra-urgent work, then I shutdown my laptop, my mobile phone, and enjoy the evening with my wife or with some quiet reading as story (not too technical stuffs to have good nights). Yes, of course, take breath and sleep as much as possible.
If you want to cut to the root, you have to get rid of the "I." There's no suffering without an I who suffers.
My grandma used to say "stop starring at your own belly button." There are many saints, sages, gurus (alive and dead) that guide you to shed identity with your person, but Mooji is especially compelling to me. Here's his YouTube channel:
I think that especially difficult because for most, managing mental health is a means to improving life satisfaction, relationships with friends and family, and achieving goals.
There's a lot of 'I' in all of those things. I don't know much about getting rid of the 'I' but they _appear_ incompatible? I wonder if there's some middle ground?
Mental health is an issue I live with on a day-to-day basis. I struggled for the first 42 years of my life, always finding it difficult. I experienced great short term successes but they never lasted. Finally, two years ago, after losing my wife and family, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (Type 1) and began treatment. These days I take regular medication, speak with a psychiatrist monthly and a psychologist every two weeks.
Life is easier but it's difficult knowing that I lost everything and it could have been prevented. Now, I have a startup of eight people and it's challenging but I'm doing it for my children. They're also the reason I stay on treatment.
When you say your children are the reason you stay on treatment, would you go off treatment if you didn't have kids? What about treatment makes you want to get off of it?
I was a cofounder of a struggling startup for 3 years and probably one of the things that helped the most was a commitment that once a week, I meet with my band and we practice music. I play guitar and sing. It's mostly a non-negotiable commitment, so I'm leaving work on time that day of the week no matter what. I know it's not everyone's hobby, but singing does wonders to make you happy. Being around friends while doing so also helps.
Apart from "generally trying to stay healthy", I have trained myself to go through this process if I "Feel bad and don't know why":
Did you eat well? Sleep well? Exercise properly? Have a meaningful conversation today? Articulate and share an emotion? Listen to someone you care about? Do something intrinsically satisfying today? Enjoy yourself today?
If you can't answer yes to all of the above (add your own prompts), then blame that rather than Random Problem X and come back when you can answer yes and if you still feel bad and don't know why then tell someone, possibly a professional.
Usually once I can answer yes to the above I'm fine.
It may seem odd, but I took up flying. It's just been one of those hobbies that has made everything else in my life (the problems/complaints/etc.) seem so ridiculous and trivial. I spend the week thinking: "I got into a plane... and fucking took off and flew it.... by myself." It's been over a year and hasn't gotten old yet. It has just helped me put a lot of other things in life in perspective, mostly by making me realize that my life can't be all that bad if this is what I get to do for fun and with the support of friends and family.
- Spending time with loved ones and invest in those relationships.
These types of relationships provide a comfy safety harness for my mental health. I know that no matter how bad things go in my day to day life, they are always there and will always provide help, guidance, and love. You have to put effort in here though and can't just reap all of the rewards.
- Strenuous exercise. Great for my self confidence and sense of accomplishment. It's a nice feeling to look at yourself in the mirror after consistently working out for months/years. The discipline it takes to workout every other day will leak into other parts of your life.
- Hobbies. Playing a video game instantly turns a bad mood around. Finishing a multi weekend wood working project gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment. In both cases I am improving skills which also makes me feel accomplished/important, exercises my mind and allows me to be creative.
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[ 3.0 ms ] story [ 162 ms ] threadTake time out for yourself, make sure to remember to have fun, try to surround yourself with good people whose company you enjoy.
I wonder how much mental health would be improved if people lived and worked close to nature.
First and foremost I know myself. I've spent a long time figuring out who I am and why. This allows me to set myself up for success. I've lived around the world, and I've had lots of different experiences and friends. Ultimately that led me to understand where I want to be and who I want to share my life with.
I avoid toxic people in my life. I know who will just make me angry and bring me down, and I choose to avoid spending too much time with them, even if they are close family.
My dad took his own life last year, and that led to me seeking help. Know when to seek help. You don't have to go through anything alone. Therapy and support groups have been amazing for my mental health.
Finally, mindfulness. I allow my emotions to move through me freely, but I don't let them take over if I can. I acknowledge them and their purpose, and I know they will pass. Even the darkest, scariest feelings or visions eventually pass (in my case anyway).
I wrote about happiness here: https://wiki.nikitavoloboev.xyz/life/happiness.html
I also wrote down a set of rules of my own to follow: https://wiki.nikitavoloboev.xyz/focusing/rules.html
The rules get updated as I learn new things in life.
One important comment I want to make is that even well managed, life is a journey with peaks and valleys. Its part of being human to struggle with this (and occasionally conquer it).
Current habits / beliefs:
1. I've been practicing MBSR (mindfulness meditation) for 40 - 60 minutes 5 days a week for almost 2 years. I cannot stress how powerful I believe the impact of this practice has been for me, nor how challenging it is to develop this habit. The investment is absolutely worth it.
2. I cycle in and out of a ketogenic diet (2 - 3 months on , 2 -3 months off). I lost 40 pounds and got to a very healthy weight in the very first cycle, haven't needed to lose weight since but I believe the diet + the weight have a profound impact on my mood stability and self perception respectively.
3. Connect with people. I'm not sure if its because I enjoy writing software so much or have any natural tendencies toward introversion, but I've gone through periods where I don't do this and there's a good correlation there with my mental health. I'll prioritize activities with friends and families at the same "strict" level as meditation. They can add perspective and meaning to life in ways nothing else can.
Edit: Also in the worst of times I'll turn to "Feeling Good" by David Burns, and finally the plug for if things are really rough professional help is the way to go.
- Exercising (doesn't have to be strenuous, can just be a walk around your neighborhood)
- Writing my thoughts down when I am overwhelmed
- Never trying to keep too much information in my head at once
- Talking with a family member or close friend on the phone
- Avoiding social media and comparing myself to others
- Reading (about anything)
And most importantly is not being hard on myself. As a perfectionist, I have to take a step back sometimes and force myself to gain a different perspective. It's easier said than done but it's important for me to realize this.
Good apps for this: Keelo, Peloton. I use them both in combination since they are totally different. Insanity is also great but their app blows.
YMMV but really hard exercise has proven invaluable for my mental health.
For me it was "the work", by Byron Katie, which beyond all the mumbo jumbo, is just a very simple(great for habit formation) and very effective such tool and supposedly has some similar effect to meditation , learning to discern truth from all the stories our mind invents.
I have a list of values/sayings which I review every week and I set a reminder on my phone. It keeps me focused on the most important things in life like my health and relationships with friends and family. I also believe in abundance mentality.
I'm fully functional 5 days a week at work but not when I am home and not on the weekends. At the moment, my apartment is a mess. I keep saying I'll get to it and at some point I will.
The thing that I had to learn to do was to not punish myself for failing to meet my own expectations. It isn't helpful.
Please, please see a doctor or mental health professional if you suspect you have anxiety or depression. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll need medication if you're not keen on that. At the very least they will help you establish a baseline.
If we have someone check our teeth and gums a couple times a year just to clean out the gunk and make sure everything is ok, why wouldn't we do the same for our (arguably) most important organ?
That's what you meant, right? The most important organ, the kidney?
For this reason, the vast majority of "good' therapists, in this market anyhow, choose to not accept below-market rates.
I saw an LCSW not a Psychiatrist. First thing he suggested, supplementing B vitamins and magnesium, along with exercise and diet. He said our other work would have limited effect otherwise. The healing therapies we engaged included directed breathing exercises, meditation, inventorying love relationships, and just talking through my limiting beliefs and my assumptions/misconceptions about myself and others. Most of the limiting beliefs were manifestations of survival skills developed in response to childhood trauma. Seeing it that way made it simple (not easy) to leave all that shit in the past and write a new future for myself.
That said, when it comes to medication, it's kind of like Russian Roulette. The documented side effects of SSRI-based antidepressants of suicide and homicide are catastrophic when the subject has a co-morbid disorder or perhaps genetic distinctiveness making them susceptible those side effects. There's no way to screen if a subject is prone to those effects, and basically there is no screening at all (similar to your own experience -- it was a "No Brainer") to determine if someone is clinically depressed. Such a diagnosis is achieved through non-invasive, casual observation, and is far from perfect.
That may be because they aren't allowed to.
- Exercise: weightlifting 4x per week
- Meditation: 15 minutes daily in the AM
- Diet: Paleo-ish, I initially did the "4 Hour Body" diet to lose some weight and noticed I felt better all-around not eating bread/heavy carbs. On the other hand, bread is delicious. Mostly, I just try to avoid tons of sugar/insulin spikes.
Being disciplined about these things is pretty critical for me.
My grandma used to say "stop starring at your own belly button." There are many saints, sages, gurus (alive and dead) that guide you to shed identity with your person, but Mooji is especially compelling to me. Here's his YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/user/Moojiji
There's a lot of 'I' in all of those things. I don't know much about getting rid of the 'I' but they _appear_ incompatible? I wonder if there's some middle ground?
Whether I run a mile or three, doesn't matter. Feeling is the same.
Life is easier but it's difficult knowing that I lost everything and it could have been prevented. Now, I have a startup of eight people and it's challenging but I'm doing it for my children. They're also the reason I stay on treatment.
Out of curiosity, why would you want to go off?
Did you eat well? Sleep well? Exercise properly? Have a meaningful conversation today? Articulate and share an emotion? Listen to someone you care about? Do something intrinsically satisfying today? Enjoy yourself today?
If you can't answer yes to all of the above (add your own prompts), then blame that rather than Random Problem X and come back when you can answer yes and if you still feel bad and don't know why then tell someone, possibly a professional.
Usually once I can answer yes to the above I'm fine.
- Spending time with loved ones and invest in those relationships. These types of relationships provide a comfy safety harness for my mental health. I know that no matter how bad things go in my day to day life, they are always there and will always provide help, guidance, and love. You have to put effort in here though and can't just reap all of the rewards.
- Strenuous exercise. Great for my self confidence and sense of accomplishment. It's a nice feeling to look at yourself in the mirror after consistently working out for months/years. The discipline it takes to workout every other day will leak into other parts of your life.
- Hobbies. Playing a video game instantly turns a bad mood around. Finishing a multi weekend wood working project gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment. In both cases I am improving skills which also makes me feel accomplished/important, exercises my mind and allows me to be creative.