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How do you approach a coworker in a different department?

3 points by therealtomsmith ↗ HN
I'm crushing hard on a coworker but I never get a chance to talk to her.

What I am trying to do is figure out if she is okay with me going for her. If she is, I will. But if she isn't I'll drop it and move on.

I want to just walk over to her little hidey-hole cubicle and introduce myself. The problem with that is we've had a conversation before and my inner feelings just exposed themselves directly to her and I think she either reciprocated or was embarrassed beyond belief.

So if I go find her exact cubicle it's going to be super weird and uncomfortable for her if I am just this weird guy who is crushing on her.

10 comments

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techjuice
Don't do it, this normally just doesn't work out very well. Unless you two are falling hard for each other every time you see each other, already hanging out after work and have each others contact info and talking regularly and going out on dates I wouldn't recommend it.
therealtomsmith
But I'm just trying to figure out if she is okay with me even trying. You can't even asking that question, though, without spilling the beans. I just have very little direct contact with her and I wish I could get more exposure to her to get a better feel for what she thinks.
techjuice
Since you are at work it could go south pretty quick if she does not feel the same way or even knows about you it can get very awkward and weird for both of you quick. Less career and emotional risk to search outside of work and treat everyone at work as your work brothers and sisters.
matt_the_bass
Make plans with some other friends from work (mixed gender) and invite her along.

Or organize a bowling night, build a team from you cube farm and ask her to captain a team from her cube farm.

Just be a grown up and don’t act scetchy. Show respect regardless of her reaction.

laszlokorte
Just go over to her, tell her she caught your eye and ask if she likes to have some lunch with you today or any other day. If she confirms that she would like to, great! spend some time with her and see how it goes.

If she is overwhelmed by you approaching her or tells you she would rather not, tell her that it's fine and that in case she changes her mind she should feel free to contact you (she knows where you work). Then just to back to your work and get her out of your mind.

edit: fixed typo

cimmanom
Ask once. Ask directly. Be unambiguous about the fact that you're asking for a date, not just "want to be friends?"

"Hi Jane. Listen, I like you a lot. Would you like to go out for coffee some time? If not, no hard feelings, and I promise not to bring it up again."

Yes, it's awkward, but at work ambiguity will create problems. So will gazing longingly at your crush. If you can't work up the courage to ask, then you need to get over this crush post haste.

If she declines, then do not bring it up again. Conduct yourself towards her in a professional manner. If you can manage it from an emotional standpoint, continue to be as friendly to her as you were previously, especially if you ever work together directly (women dread retribution in the workplace for turning down romantic overtures).

Treat her exactly as you would a male colleague or a female colleague whom you found unattractive. This is also what you need to do if you decide not to ask.

If she accepts, then congratulations!

Source: I'm a woman. This is how I would prefer to be treated and also what most female friends I've spoken to about workplace romance would prefer.

therealtomsmith
I'm going to do this. May God have mercy on my soul. Any advice on how to meet her aside from creepily waiting for her somewhere?