Ask HN: How do I deal with the extreme stress of being a founder?

Do your employees understand the status quo clearly, or are there things that are hidden from them? The last thing in the world you want to do is avoid giving them bad news because you hope you can right the ship. You owe it to them to be honest and forthright.

Time kills everything, your stress and pressure. think what way you can kill few weeks of your time. you may try things like - give visibility to your employees, spend your time with them and be with positive people or loved ones. hope this helps.

I have a friend I don't see often who invented the thing which didn't become mysql. I believe he's philosophical about it.

Another pair of friends at work (at a university) were sold down the river by co founders who accepted their "I'm out of here" 24h before the unknown independent buy-out he was orchestrating went wild. They're less philosophical I think but it was over 20 years ago.

Another friend had a pre-nup go very bad on him because she thought the vesting value she had was worth more than him, which I think totally sucked and misunderstood his values, and value as an entrepreneur. he's now very very very successful in lots of fields. He also worried a lot about the burden he owed his staff, building a sustainable business. I respect that. I value he cared enough to worry. Many don't worry, and consequences can be dire.

So my take-away from this, is that you need to develop a thick skin against "slings and arrows of misfortune" but remain empathetic to the concerns on the employees, and if you get knocked down, get up again, and keep on trying. And expect there to be lots of venal, nasty people out there.

Another had a varied work life before being a founder. He'd been a restauranteur. Thats stress. far more stress in some ways.

Another had good corporate lawyers. He did well. Maybe sharing the money with smart people with business chops and legal chops paid back, I don't feel he suffers from founders burn-out.

Find value in a life outside work. Be prepared to have to walk from a work-passion, and exist (as most of us do) for reasons other than just work.

btw, I'm not a founder, and I have chosen not to experience this stress, but I do talk to founders. They're interesting, but I appreciate they live in another world to me.

If you know some experienced founders, they will have had direct experience with staring failure in the eye. Talking to them in person will help.

Founder here. I'm going to give you my 2 cents but staying anonymous for obvious reasons.

My background: I dropped out of a respectable CS degree 4-5 courses short of graduation (burning bridges too) and went on this crazy ride of building a random company lol. I went about $250K in debt and had to move into my parents'... I made every mistake a founder can make and came close to being completely ruined many times. I saw some of my very truly smart/genius level friends start companies that crashed and burned with the friends going down with them (mentally that is). My friends all got married, settled down got a good job and moved on with life + good salaries at good companies.

Here's why I managed to fight all these adversities and never burn out: I simply enjoy it! I enjoy the process, I truly don't give a crap about the money but the process is super captivating to me and although my patience has been tested many times I never thought about giving up. I think no matter what happens my company will survive because I love this game so much that failure is pretty much undefined for me: There is no binary goal, only a process and I love the process and am constantly getting better at it.

Now here is my blunt advice and since I'm anonymous I can tell you this: you either have to genuinely love the process or you won't survive. If you think about quitting you should quit and there is no shame in that. However, there is shame in crashing and burning and losing people's money, hopes and dreams. You owe it to the investors and people who work for you to replace yourself if you feel like quitting.

Hope this helps and best of luck :)

P.S. You can reach me and I will help you as much as I can (anonymously): hope.i.can.help.2@gmail.com

Keep a strict routine of exercise and/or aerobic, even at most stressful times. If you fail to keep the routine, use it as a warning sign that the stress level is out control.

First, breathe. There's no single answer for you - and no answer that works for everyone. Everything ebbs and flows - and you'll find different things that worked for you in the past, don't work at the current juncture (and vice versa). That being said, here are things that have worked for me at different times. I'm currently more engaged in some than others. Personally, I think it's all about finding time to just 'zen out' somehow.

It's never easy feeling like the walls are constantly closing in. But every single item here is about just taking a small pause, and resetting. By no means do them - do your equivalent.

* Play a musical instrument - It's not about the music, it's about the mind-clearing process time, while I try (and fail!!!) to play some music.

* If you're into religion (I am) - take some time, whether it's weekly or daily to study or pray, whatever works for you. At the beginning your mind races to work, your heat rate increases... all the bad things happen. I can also attest that (for me) it becomes a very Zen thing, and it's how I start my day.

* Swim/bike/lift weights at random / etc. - It's not about health benefits. The goal again, is a period of mind-clearing time. Do whatever thing you do such that you HAVE to focus on the action at hand.

* Play with some other technical thing - I do this all the time. It feels like you're not working.. but the reality as I've said before, is that I frequently carry ideals from my random projects back to the office. That just happened today, we're literally going to change how we manage a task distribution across a network, based on something that came out of one of my 'huh, mmm?' sessions.

* Book time with yourself - I'm awful at this, I literally fail at it every single day. But the ideal would be to book some 'you' time and just be. Eat breakfast, make coffee, do whatever thing you want to do.

Talk to other entrepreneurs. Join FoundersNetwork. If you need an invite, reply to this message with your contact.

Accept the idea that you have failed and will inevitably fail. Cherish that idea and hold it close. Move forward and try to have a graceful failure or not to fail, but with the knowledge that you have already forgiven yourself for when you do - not if you do. Then you shall have peace.

Read "The Hard Thing About Hard Things" by Ben Horowitz.

Talk to others; exercise more; most importantly, stay close to your loved ones.