Apple refuses to replace my dying laptop battery

I have a 5 year old MacBook Pro that’s been power cycled over 1000 times. The battery dies within an hour of use. I made an appointment at the Apple store, and they ran a battery diagnostic and insisted to me that my battery is actually perfectly healthy. The technician said she can’t change the battery unless it fails the test, regardless of what I offer to pay. I’m now stuck with an almost unusable laptop battery that I can’t get replaced. What the hell Apple?