Just as some people have great technical aptitude, others (I believe) have great social aptitude. While memorizing acronyms comes naturally to some, memorizing faces comes naturally to others. And the other group must work harder to compensate and keep up.
These categories seem senseless to me. What does remembering a name have to do with holding a compelling conversation? What does remembering language syntax have to do with performing quick mental math? If someone has been doing poorly socially they may tell themself, "I'm a brainy tech person, not some vapid socialite" or if they are struggling with a difficult technical concept they may say, "I'm good at talking to people, I'm not a nerd." I think the truth is that any behavior has a corresponding skill and any skill can be learned. Which skills come more easily, I believe, are a matter of past experience and conviction of one's ability to learn that skill rather than a matter of "giftedness". Licking a wounded ego is tempting and people love to be a part of some group that bears a shared identity. Doing so, however, doesn't make you more skilled and likely does the opposite by depriving you of the conviction that a skill can be learned.
I don’t forget people’s names, but I am faceblind. I will remember an interaction involving me and this person named X—and then that story won’t come to mind when I see X, unless/until they tell me their name again.
If I never found out the person’s name, then I probably won’t remember them at all.
The memory is there—I just have no look-up key (where for most people, that would be the person’s face.)
Prosopagnosia sufferer here -- what clues do you use to ID people?
I rely mostly on gait, height /build, dress habit, hair / facial hair, voice. If someone grows / shaves a beard or gets glasses, I'm pretty hosed. Example : my own uncle cut his hair and shaved his moustache, I didn't recognize him until he spoke.
Out of pure curiosity... how absolute is face-blindness? Would you be unable to recognize the face even of someone you’re very close to, like a close friend, everyday coworker, or significant other? Or would you still need non-facial cues to identify them?
Given two people with similar skin darkness, could you recognize that one is White and the other East Asian? Or that one is Indian and the other Black?
Do you notice any deficiencies in other types of pattern recognition, or more generally any other mental differences that you think might be connected?
I used to be really good at remembering names. To the point where sometimes people i met briefly would get weirder out I remembered their name. As I've gotten older and met more people I've started forgetting names more often.
I've never really noticed anyone get offended when i've forgotten, thouhg i guess i don't know their thoughts, and personally I don't get offended when most people forget my name. I dunno I find after a quick little reintroduction and then moving on it's usually ok. Heh actually there's a friend of a friend I see occasionally and we've introduced ourselves to eachother every time. Technically we've known eachother for years now but it's just how it goes I guess.
The thing i've actually been bad with is using people's names in conversation. I don't know why but I used to feel weird saying people's names to them. I've come to learn though it's a bad habit and most people enjoy hearing their names.
I remember faces but not names. I’m sort of the opposite; I won’t engage because I know I have forgotten the name. This is mostly because names are arbitrary and usually common “Hi Matt!”
Ditto. And I am much likelier to remember random facts: where they work, where they live, what type of food they like--than what their name is. I assume it's because, at some level, my brain is saying this is some arbitrary symbol that doesn't really matter and I'm not very interested in.
It seems like (the stories in) this is more about remembering faces than names. Prosopagnosia is face blindness which people often mask by matching hair clothes and other features... while remembering a name or a meeting is something else. You can be great at one and terrible at the others.
The headline indicates that forgetting someone's name is bad, however the article treats that as forgetting someone entirely. I'm curious what the impact of the inbetween would be; that is "I remember I've met you before, but I can't remember your name".
The article also seems to conflate forgetting appointments with forgetting facts. I can easily see how if someone forgot an appointment with me, it would be annoying and damage the closeness of a relationship. I have zero resentment, however, for someone forgetting my name. I have forgotten people's names far too many times to get angry over such things.
> I have forgotten people's names far too many times to get angry
Same here. I've forgotten enough names on people, even people I've known for ten years and deal with on a weekly basis, to be bothered by it. I generally remember the name some minutes later, but it's often too later by then. I've never found asking someone for their name ("Dude, I'm sorry, I'm completely blanking on your name", depending on the formality of the event) to cause any particular problems.
As someone who's absolutely abysmal at recalling names and physical features, but with a good memory for personality and interactions, my experience has been that the impact's rather minimal - while it can lead to a few awkward moments, it's much more important for social interaction to remember who someone is than their arbitrary identifier.
Plus it sets the stage for any number of anecdotes or comparisons.
If I can remember someone but not their name I usually try and be quite frank about - "hey sorry I forgot your name but when we met you had that cool story about how you did X".
Yepyepyepyep -- I struggle mightily with this phenomenon and some time ago adopted the above practice [except my variant is 'good to see you'; my farewell is 'see you later / see you around' for consistency].
Has saved me a hella ton of aggravation and worrying.
edit : if I know from context that I've met someone before but don't recognize them / remember name, I just come right out and admit it straight away : "Hi! We met before but I've forgotten your name, sorry -- what is it?"
Now I'm curious. If lying in general is a terrible idea, how does the person whose name was forgotten benefit, otherwise what makes the terrible lie worth it?
I was bad at names. Until I was reading "How to make friends and influence people" and went to a talk of Daniel Dennet where he talked about "installing Apps into your brain".
Most of "How to make friends..." has come naturally to me since I was a child, except for the names.
So I just started, with Marjolein. After the introduction I turned around and repeated to myself "this was Marjolein. Marjolein". After a couple of times it becomes natural.
Being able to call out people by name, showing you remembered their names, is very powerful.
That's kind of awesome. How good with names would you say you are now?
Also, is that the whole technique? Seems like you'd have to say it for quite a while to get it in to long term memory - if you're doing it straight after it doesn't seem like it would qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later?
I believe studies of note-taking suggest a link between retention and the physical act of writing. My habit is to imitate writing the person's name on my palm several times after an important introduction.
In general though, my brain is not optimized for this. I rely in no small way upon having a digital extension to my memory. Usually, not being able to remember months and years of my life is more of a personal concern than not being able to remember names or faces. But, it's not clear that the broader issue is solvable, so I write on my hand, and apologize for the necessity.
One of the few things I remember from that one neuroscience class I took in high school was that the more physical senses you involve in something, the more likely you are to remember that thing. I think you’re totally right about writing something down, even if it’s just miming the act of writing.
It’s the same effect, I think, where writing down a reminder means I remember it even when I lose the reminder note.
That's a good tip about making the motions to write the person's name on the palm of your hand. One thing I noticed not that long ago was that if I heard someone's name, e.g. if they spoke it to me, I had little chance of remembering, but if I saw the name written down, e.g. I saw it on a name tag, I actually had a much better chance of remembering. I assumed that is because my memory was more visual. But maybe it is simply because of more senses being involved.
> So I just started, with Marjolein. After the introduction I turned around and repeated to myself "this was Marjolein. Marjolein". After a couple of times it becomes natural.
Or even easier: Try to remember the color of their eyes while listening to their name. Don't know why but works wonders for me.
As a bonus, you also make a good first impression thanks to eye contact.
I used to get frustrated at not being able to remember names. After many trials and failures, I stumbled upon a remarkably easy mnemonic (for me).
Due to generations, geographies, culture, etc there really aren't that many different names (especially when only pronunciation matters).
I eventually found that, when meeting someone, I would immediately think of the name and face of someone I already knew with that name. Even if it was a girl from a class in middle school, the number of previous names or the passing of time doesn't seem to matter. If I can apply the new face to a face and name I already know there's a high likelihood I'll remember the new face/name association forever (just like we can all remember the name of some random kid from second grade, somehow). It's as simple as saying to myself:
"This is Shannon, like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to."
Then the next time I see the "new" person I'll often immediately recall:
"Oh, hey! That's Shannon. Like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to."
It really seems to scale almost infinitely and to this day I can go almost anywhere I've been before and remember the names of people I may have "met" once years ago.
If it's a new name the process is slightly more complicated. Many times I'll try to think of a place, town, business, item, pretty much anything and that generally works. I've also found that it happens so rarely simply remarking "WOW, that's actually a new one" is enough to give me a pretty good chance.
The reactions are really interesting but I keep doing this and using this method because the results are almost always positive for all parties. In many cases (especially in the service industry) you can see their face and demeanor change instantly when you've demonstrated you made some effort to remember their name.
Although remembering people's names is a powerful social tool, you shouldn't infer from the article that forgetting someone's name (a very common faux pas, in the title of the article) is tantamount to forgetting having met someone (the leading "Jerkface" example in the article).
Recognition and recall are two very different things. The article conflates failures of recognition (X doesn't remember ever meeting Y) with failures of recall (X doesn't remember Y's name).
I've been listening to the Harmontown podcast a lot recently and I've noticed that the "comptroller" (host) regularly forgets people's names when they call them up from the audience. He just asks them again and it seems to be fine. "What was your name again?"
I've done it a few times and nobody seems to really care.
I think the key to these situations is remembering that others are just as likely to forget your name as you are to forget theirs. Thus, when seeing someone whose name I've forgotten, I always lead off the conversation by reintroducing myself (without asking for their name).
This often prompts a reintroduction by the other party and will soothe their anxiety if they've forgotten your name as well.
I'm pretty bad at remembering names, but my wife and I have worked out a system. If we're in a social setting together and I start to introduce her "have you met my wife..." she will jump in and introduce herself directly to the other person "hi, I'm Colleen...", which prompts the other person to directly introduce themselves to her (and thus taking me off the hook). As a result, if someone is introducing me to someone else, I tend to do the same thing -- hijack the introduction and introduce myself directly -- just in the case the person making the introduction needs an assist. Of course, if they've already greeted the other person by name, then no need.
In my college days we were brutally honest when we had forgotten someone’s name. It was such a large school that if you simply stepped outside every day you met someone new all the time, one way or another. Many people you would only meet once and then never see them again. So it was common to hear some version of “It’s good to see you again! Sorry I haven’t gotten your name down yet, I remember you but I’ve got to meet someone like 5 times before their name sticks” and it was no big deal because the other person would say the same thing back.
I like to think that in the real world being honest about forgetting someone’s name doesn’t hurt, but then again remembering someone’s name is way more impressive.
This is a much better tactic than the worst thing you can do, which is pretend you know and then use a wrong name. I lost a decent retail account by calling an owners friend ‘Ashley’ when she was really ‘Melissa’ when I met them at a party 3 months after initially meeting them at a trade show.
Harsh. I've seen this happen many times and on every occasion it's been taken light-heartedly/no offence/whatever. I think you were incredibly unlucky.
Yes, these individuals turn out to be rather snobby, you could say. Not people I’d endorse as friends or business partners on a personal level, but, it’s business and it’s worth knowing how to not lose customers, even if not means coddling them.
Yeah, I struggle with this. Often when I see someone my brain doesn't present single name match, more often I have a list of potential matches in my head. e.g. "Scott or Rob" -- so I'm forced to just go with one, or avoid saying any name at all. I've gone for it and botched a name before and it was truly embarrassing. Often given a few seconds I can recall with certainty. It's the one-the-spot instant name recall that is difficult for me.
One method I personally adopted in my professional life is delaying the usage of pronouns until the day I personally believe I memorized the names properly. In a setting where I can say "She can do that.", I instead say "Jenna can do that." until I'm satisfied with my memory.
haha this was also one of my tactics. Even when I’d speak to someone one on one I’d slip their name into the conversation.
I think most people like hearing their name being said so even when I slipped their name into things that people normally say without using names it didn’t come off as too creepy, at least I don’t think.
I almost always hijack to introduce myself. People often mis-hear my name so introducing myself gives me an opportunity to state it multiple times and give them a mnemonic device to help them remember.
When I've only met someone once or twice and haven't seen them for a while, I just take my best guess at a name while using my tone of voice and body language to show that I'm making an effort. I remember faces very well, rarely forgetting anyone, but I'm not a natural when it comes to names.
I've found that when I make it clear that I remember a person and want to say their name, they are always very forgiving and any potential awkwardness is diminished. It also gives the other person an opportunity to try to guess my name as well! I'd say most people don't remember other people's names on the first try, and the typical coping mechanism for that is to avoid saying names all together. To allow myself to stumble also allows them to stumble, which is a relief to both parties.
This isn't to say that it's better than actually remembering a person's name from the start, but not remembering a person's name isn't the faux pas a lot of people believe. It may seems that way because we know how good it feels to be remembered, and we want to be that person who remembers everyone else's names, but instead we come up with excuses in our heads to just avoid names as much as possible.
After such incidents, I almost always remember the other person's name thereafter because I now have a rapport with them. Rapport is key because, without it, the garbage collector in our brains chuck out "orphaned" data. Well, at least mine seems to. But I've gotten much better.
For what it's worth, I think I significantly prefer "sorry, I know we've met before, but I've forgotten your name" (with bonus points for 'I remember you from [x]'), rather than "hi... [wrong name]?"
The first is just straightforwardly honest (and forgetting my name is completely understandable), whereas the second can feel a bit disrespectful, though it's hard for me to analyse exactly why. It's not a big deal, and I've done it myself, but personally I wouldn't recommend guessing unless you're reasonably confident you'll get it right.
Mostly I think remembering the person is much more important than remembering the name, anyway. If someone forgets me entirely, that can be hurtful if I remember having an interesting interaction with them. Even if they remember my name, that doesn't mean very much if it soon becomes clear that they don't remember anything from our last conversation. But if you remember me, I don't much care whether you remember my name.
Some people are good at remember names, some people are not. Some people can spell, some people cannot. Some people are good at math, some people are not.
Frankly, I find it unnerving if someone I barely met remembers my name. Is this person stalking me?
Even weirder is when someone just comes up and say "Hi <my name>"...because they hung out with my brother in high school (he is 6 years older than me) and remember me simply because I look like him. This has happened twice, both in my late 30's. Seriously, you aren't supposed to remember people that long.
That was mostly about forgetting people. Not about forgetting their names. Very different.
I rarely forget someone. I also rarely remember their name, even after being told it multiple times. When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan. I just don't find names interesting themselves... They're just labels. And labels don't matter, they things being labeled do.
But there is also some sort of mental block, like a brain stutter, going on. Cause I often(like 1/2 month) can't bring to my lips names of best friends, people I've known years interact with weekly if not daily. It's usually only a few seconds or a minute before I can get their name. But, it's weird and low-level worries me.
> When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan.
I often forget people's names because when I meet someone new I'm so busy thinking "don't forget their name!" that I don't really hear their name properly.
Ditto. I'm awful with names and much of what the grandparent wrote applies to me.
Couple of things that sometimes help, thought not as much as I wished they did -
In meetings, I have a notepad out and write them down. Or ask for business cards. Sometimes with cards I can't remember which belonged to whom, but it narrows the possibilities way down, at least.
Sometimes if I can quickly think of someone else I know with the same name, it will anchor it a bit for me. Without repetition I'll just forget it later, but it gets me through a conversation.
> When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan.
I repeat a person’s name as I introduce myself, yet it’s completely reflexive (“Hi X, I’m Y.”). I don’t internalize the name and then I don’t know it a few seconds later. I developed stressful coping mechanisms in college to hide this, but have since learned to be very proactive about advising people that I often forget names and will need to ask later. I don’t feel any shame or awkwardness when I have to ask because this disarms the situation.
I have a trick. Soon after I meet someone, I scribble their name and some interesting characteristic of theirs into a Google Docs document on my phone.
e.g. Anna, teacher with dreadlocks.
Then the next time I see them from afar, I whip out my phone to refresh my memory. And then I go up to them and say hi.
I rarely forget details about a person, so making conversation is not hard. It's their name I keep forgetting. Writing that down has helped immensely.
Less friction to enter free-form text in Google Docs than in Contacts.
It takes more taps enter details in Contacts, not to mention the Last Name, First Name are fields with limited visible length, and scrolling left-to-right on a phone is tedious.
Also I don't want to pollute my contact list with the 10-11 Annas that have no last names, but have descriptors like "has dreadlocks" or "met at conference".
I’m starting to use Google Keep more and more for this. Seems to be better organized (for me) for digital jotpads. However it is much more limited in the text editing/word processing ability. However, I really don’t need that for quick notes.
I had a colleague that would make it a habit to greet everyone by name in the morning. E.g. ‘Goodmorning Dave’, ‘Goodmorning Ben’.
It felt a bit weird at first but overtime him showing up was a point where the whole team felt connected and would chat about the weekend etc. He was former military (and would shake your hand if he had the opportunity) and he forced a bunch of tech people to bond unknowningly.
I kinda do this now, at least when I come into the office if I run into someone I try to say some type of greeting with their name.
My name, being a traditional Hindu name, is a difficult one for non-Hindus to remember, so it often gives me a get out of jail free card. No one remembers my name, so can't feel offended if I forget theirs. The fact that I often do remember people's names means that I'm often the one left feeling a bit offended (but I don't take much offence anyway).
Moonwalking with Einstein is an interesting book related to this topic. It’s about Joshua Foer’s journey becoming an American memory champion a few years back. Some parts delve lightly into remembering people’s names, among other memory techniques. Was one of Bill Gates suggested reading when it come out too. If you’re interested in this sort of stuff, I suggest picking it up.
And you have people walk up to you and point their phone at a specific part of your body, stare at the screen and away from you while they wait for the info to load, and then say, “Hi Ted”?
Damn these kind of problem are best solved by augmented reality glasses with face detection or simply some QR code scanner which scans other's glass. Name can be made public yeaa
There is a cultural aspect to it as well: when I lived in Switzerland, I noticed, it is very common to use the name of the person in almost every sentence when referring to another person. Be it greeting, asking something or leaving the place. I would often times try to mimic it, yet would not be able to come up with the name of the person fast enough, even though I knew the name. I guess it's a matter of practice.
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[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 209 ms ] threadMoreover, there not one tech aptitude, but more like multiple different aptitudes that makes you more or less suitable for different positions.
If I never found out the person’s name, then I probably won’t remember them at all.
The memory is there—I just have no look-up key (where for most people, that would be the person’s face.)
I rely mostly on gait, height /build, dress habit, hair / facial hair, voice. If someone grows / shaves a beard or gets glasses, I'm pretty hosed. Example : my own uncle cut his hair and shaved his moustache, I didn't recognize him until he spoke.
Given two people with similar skin darkness, could you recognize that one is White and the other East Asian? Or that one is Indian and the other Black?
Do you notice any deficiencies in other types of pattern recognition, or more generally any other mental differences that you think might be connected?
I've never really noticed anyone get offended when i've forgotten, thouhg i guess i don't know their thoughts, and personally I don't get offended when most people forget my name. I dunno I find after a quick little reintroduction and then moving on it's usually ok. Heh actually there's a friend of a friend I see occasionally and we've introduced ourselves to eachother every time. Technically we've known eachother for years now but it's just how it goes I guess.
The thing i've actually been bad with is using people's names in conversation. I don't know why but I used to feel weird saying people's names to them. I've come to learn though it's a bad habit and most people enjoy hearing their names.
Same here. I've forgotten enough names on people, even people I've known for ten years and deal with on a weekly basis, to be bothered by it. I generally remember the name some minutes later, but it's often too later by then. I've never found asking someone for their name ("Dude, I'm sorry, I'm completely blanking on your name", depending on the formality of the event) to cause any particular problems.
Plus it sets the stage for any number of anecdotes or comparisons.
It hopefully works ok.
A few years ago, I picked up a habit I saw Michelle Obama use: she says “nice to see you” instead of “nice to meet you.”
The phrase feels warm and appropriate to new folks, but keeps the ones I’ve met before from feeling forgotten.
Has saved me a hella ton of aggravation and worrying.
edit : if I know from context that I've met someone before but don't recognize them / remember name, I just come right out and admit it straight away : "Hi! We met before but I've forgotten your name, sorry -- what is it?"
Works every time.
I do agree that to lie at all is a terrible idea.
Most of "How to make friends..." has come naturally to me since I was a child, except for the names.
So I just started, with Marjolein. After the introduction I turned around and repeated to myself "this was Marjolein. Marjolein". After a couple of times it becomes natural.
Being able to call out people by name, showing you remembered their names, is very powerful.
Also, is that the whole technique? Seems like you'd have to say it for quite a while to get it in to long term memory - if you're doing it straight after it doesn't seem like it would qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later?
Much much better than average. Some people are surprised I can recall their name months/years later after 1 interaction.
> qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later?
I think with Marjolein and the subsequent 10 - 20 I did. But it becomes "natural" after a while.
In general though, my brain is not optimized for this. I rely in no small way upon having a digital extension to my memory. Usually, not being able to remember months and years of my life is more of a personal concern than not being able to remember names or faces. But, it's not clear that the broader issue is solvable, so I write on my hand, and apologize for the necessity.
It’s the same effect, I think, where writing down a reminder means I remember it even when I lose the reminder note.
Or even easier: Try to remember the color of their eyes while listening to their name. Don't know why but works wonders for me.
As a bonus, you also make a good first impression thanks to eye contact.
Due to generations, geographies, culture, etc there really aren't that many different names (especially when only pronunciation matters).
I eventually found that, when meeting someone, I would immediately think of the name and face of someone I already knew with that name. Even if it was a girl from a class in middle school, the number of previous names or the passing of time doesn't seem to matter. If I can apply the new face to a face and name I already know there's a high likelihood I'll remember the new face/name association forever (just like we can all remember the name of some random kid from second grade, somehow). It's as simple as saying to myself:
"This is Shannon, like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to."
Then the next time I see the "new" person I'll often immediately recall:
"Oh, hey! That's Shannon. Like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to."
It really seems to scale almost infinitely and to this day I can go almost anywhere I've been before and remember the names of people I may have "met" once years ago.
If it's a new name the process is slightly more complicated. Many times I'll try to think of a place, town, business, item, pretty much anything and that generally works. I've also found that it happens so rarely simply remarking "WOW, that's actually a new one" is enough to give me a pretty good chance.
The reactions are really interesting but I keep doing this and using this method because the results are almost always positive for all parties. In many cases (especially in the service industry) you can see their face and demeanor change instantly when you've demonstrated you made some effort to remember their name.
Reminds me of the "What's That Name?" SNL skit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ7OJdDSXVo
Recognition and recall are two very different things. The article conflates failures of recognition (X doesn't remember ever meeting Y) with failures of recall (X doesn't remember Y's name).
I've done it a few times and nobody seems to really care.
This often prompts a reintroduction by the other party and will soothe their anxiety if they've forgotten your name as well.
I like to think that in the real world being honest about forgetting someone’s name doesn’t hurt, but then again remembering someone’s name is way more impressive.
I think most people like hearing their name being said so even when I slipped their name into things that people normally say without using names it didn’t come off as too creepy, at least I don’t think.
I've found that when I make it clear that I remember a person and want to say their name, they are always very forgiving and any potential awkwardness is diminished. It also gives the other person an opportunity to try to guess my name as well! I'd say most people don't remember other people's names on the first try, and the typical coping mechanism for that is to avoid saying names all together. To allow myself to stumble also allows them to stumble, which is a relief to both parties.
This isn't to say that it's better than actually remembering a person's name from the start, but not remembering a person's name isn't the faux pas a lot of people believe. It may seems that way because we know how good it feels to be remembered, and we want to be that person who remembers everyone else's names, but instead we come up with excuses in our heads to just avoid names as much as possible.
After such incidents, I almost always remember the other person's name thereafter because I now have a rapport with them. Rapport is key because, without it, the garbage collector in our brains chuck out "orphaned" data. Well, at least mine seems to. But I've gotten much better.
The first is just straightforwardly honest (and forgetting my name is completely understandable), whereas the second can feel a bit disrespectful, though it's hard for me to analyse exactly why. It's not a big deal, and I've done it myself, but personally I wouldn't recommend guessing unless you're reasonably confident you'll get it right.
Mostly I think remembering the person is much more important than remembering the name, anyway. If someone forgets me entirely, that can be hurtful if I remember having an interesting interaction with them. Even if they remember my name, that doesn't mean very much if it soon becomes clear that they don't remember anything from our last conversation. But if you remember me, I don't much care whether you remember my name.
Frankly, I find it unnerving if someone I barely met remembers my name. Is this person stalking me?
Even weirder is when someone just comes up and say "Hi <my name>"...because they hung out with my brother in high school (he is 6 years older than me) and remember me simply because I look like him. This has happened twice, both in my late 30's. Seriously, you aren't supposed to remember people that long.
I rarely forget someone. I also rarely remember their name, even after being told it multiple times. When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan. I just don't find names interesting themselves... They're just labels. And labels don't matter, they things being labeled do.
But there is also some sort of mental block, like a brain stutter, going on. Cause I often(like 1/2 month) can't bring to my lips names of best friends, people I've known years interact with weekly if not daily. It's usually only a few seconds or a minute before I can get their name. But, it's weird and low-level worries me.
I often forget people's names because when I meet someone new I'm so busy thinking "don't forget their name!" that I don't really hear their name properly.
Spared me from writing this comment I guess, lol
Couple of things that sometimes help, thought not as much as I wished they did -
In meetings, I have a notepad out and write them down. Or ask for business cards. Sometimes with cards I can't remember which belonged to whom, but it narrows the possibilities way down, at least.
Sometimes if I can quickly think of someone else I know with the same name, it will anchor it a bit for me. Without repetition I'll just forget it later, but it gets me through a conversation.
I repeat a person’s name as I introduce myself, yet it’s completely reflexive (“Hi X, I’m Y.”). I don’t internalize the name and then I don’t know it a few seconds later. I developed stressful coping mechanisms in college to hide this, but have since learned to be very proactive about advising people that I often forget names and will need to ask later. I don’t feel any shame or awkwardness when I have to ask because this disarms the situation.
e.g. Anna, teacher with dreadlocks.
Then the next time I see them from afar, I whip out my phone to refresh my memory. And then I go up to them and say hi.
I rarely forget details about a person, so making conversation is not hard. It's their name I keep forgetting. Writing that down has helped immensely.
It takes more taps enter details in Contacts, not to mention the Last Name, First Name are fields with limited visible length, and scrolling left-to-right on a phone is tedious.
Also I don't want to pollute my contact list with the 10-11 Annas that have no last names, but have descriptors like "has dreadlocks" or "met at conference".
It felt a bit weird at first but overtime him showing up was a point where the whole team felt connected and would chat about the weekend etc. He was former military (and would shake your hand if he had the opportunity) and he forced a bunch of tech people to bond unknowningly.
I kinda do this now, at least when I come into the office if I run into someone I try to say some type of greeting with their name.