I struggle a lot with OCD. I have a therapist. We have techniques and routines to try and reduce the anxiety and compulsions to some reasonable baseline. Some days are O.K, others are torture.
My frequent OCDs include:
1. Leaving the cooker on
2. Leaving the taps on
3. Leaving a window open or a door unlocked
4. Some kind of electrical fault burning down the house
5. Causing harm to other people, particularly when driving
6. Searching the Internet for illegal content
7. Doing something awful/unforgivable and being criminally prosecuted or losing all my savings in some kind of civil case
I never usually experience them at the same time. They come and go one at a time and some I have learned to manage better than others.
Would it help to automate stuff? Like detectors on your windows/doors? Or to cook with induction (shuts off when there is no pan and after a certain wattage has been applied to a pan). Or would other things fill the void?
"Leaving the cooker on 2. Leaving the taps on 3. Leaving a window open or a door unlocked"
I fret about these things a lot - so I take pictures on my phone. This completely solves the problem for me and, of course, I never look at the resulting pictures.
Does create some surreal Apple Memories made up of nothing but unplugged plugs and locked doors set to music.... :-)
That's a very practical and straightforward way of addressing it, a really good idea.
In my case I very occasionally worry about having left the gas stove on in the kitchen after cooking, and what usually works, in a way similar to the pictures you take I guess, is re-tracing my actions just before and after switching the gas off. This way I can actually visualize how I turned off the gas just before draining the pasta in the sink or whatever.
This works if I remember something particular about that specific occasion tho, but it usually does the thing.
I too started taking photos on my phone. It's not a solution, it's a safety behaviour. The trouble with safety behaviours is that they can stop working after a while and then you're in trouble.
I found it helped my compulsion to repeatedly check if I locked a door was to check, and then say, out loud, to myself, "OK, it's locked." Just throwing it out there for someone else.
> 5. Causing harm to other people, particularly when driving
I actually think this is a healthy thing to be a little obsessively worried about. Drivers are generally too blasé about the damage they can cause to other humans through their actions.
Like, most people should be worried about that enough that they drive less often because of it.
It's not healthy. For some people their OCD is so bad that they cannot pass a cyclist or pedestrian, regardless of how safe or textbook the manoeuvre, without having deep anxiety that they might have hit them.
Is it healthy for a cyclist or pedestrian to have a deep anxiety that any given driver passing them is going to hit them? Because that bit happens pretty frequently.
You and sibling are right that such a horrific illness shouldn't be trivialized, but I get really tired of people pretending that driving a car should be something you don't feel a little nervous doing.
Please don't trivialse a disabling condition by saying "sure, but everyone does that".
All you've done here is shown that you have fialed to listen to and understand the parent poster.
They're not describing the perfectly normal response of "I'm in two tons of metal hurtling down the road I better be careful".
They're describing the pathological anxiety response. That gentle rumbling noise? That's a dead child trapped in the wheel arch, and I ran over them at that last junction. The air con is working a bit harder? That's because I ran over someone and that accident damaged the aircon. That car behind me, that everyone else says is perfectly normal? They're trying to get my attention to tell me about the cyclist I just killed.
Although I don’t have OCD, I have ADHD. Your condition causes you to have anxiety about it, and my condition makes me more likely to actually do one of those things :)
How I’ve gotten around the anxiety (as I actually have left doors unlocked to my detriment on multiple occasions, have left the stove on etc.), is I say it out loud as I’m doing it. “Locking the front door.” Sometimes I might have to add a day: “Monday morning. Locking the front door.” as my brain will occasionally trick me into thinking that memory wasn’t from today.
I did this enough that now it’s somehow ingrained in my head and I don’t forget to do things as often. I’m not sure if this would work for you, but it might help.
The way I've always described OCD, and this is probably particularly relevant to a Hacker News audience, is that it's like two processes running. There's your normal thought process, and then there's the OCD through process. You completely recognise it as being irrational and ridiculous, yet it often wins and never goes away. It's exhausting.
Yes, but, it helps to picture oneself in the third person. In this case one pictures oneself as a 100% busy CPU, and that may help.
It's a well known trick to picture oneself agonizing over something and becoming aware that you "are not the agonizing" but it is something separate from you. It will make you feel more tranquil.
After seeing some of these comments, I sometimes feel I should get myself checked for a mental illness.
But the symptoms seem so widespread across people, that it seems to be within range of normal human behavior.
I have not been crippled by any of these things (though it is immensely distracting). It's almost like I am looking for an easy explanation for genuine personality defects (which includes being easily distracted and procrastination). Which then again, makes me feel miserable for using mental illness as an excuse for ignoring my imperfections.
Yes, I do have to step on whole tiles (no cracks or breaks) when walking. But, I don't notice it when I am with people.
I have felt an intense itch in my back when then door handle was left at a non-90 degree angle. But, it only happened a few times in 2015.
I do need to tap my feet to high tempo jazz/prog music or talk out loud to focus on work,...but, even without them I have scored above 95 percentile on standardized tests. So, maybe what I am seeking is simply out of reach because I've reached my personal intelligence ceiling.
I do have the kind of distracting thoughts (what ifs and hypotheticals) that the top comment was talking about...but they are never so distracting enough to make me act on them. ( I do avoid going too close to ledges though...I've only so much trust in myself)
Problem is, I know people who call themselves OCD for less. But, I seeing people with genuine OCD makes my problems seem trivial.
I think the bitter pill to swallow, is that I am simply an easily distracted procrastinator with little self-discipline.
But, It would be so wonderful if I could sometimes send these thoughts away, for the few hours everyday that I really do want to work and make real progress.
As a kid, I used to frequently do things in a pattern that I discovered much later to be the [0]Thue Morse sequence. 1001-0110-0110-1001 and so on. For example, "1" would be snapping fingers and "0" touching my nose. Never had it diagnosed clinically so I'm not really sure if I even have OCD but some symptoms tick the boxes.
[0] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thue%E2%80%93Morse_sequence
Hello I had the exact same affliction as a kid. I would always do things in ABBA sequence, up to your 1001-0110-0110-1001 pattern. I remember it made things "balanced" to finalize that sequence. It went off around when I was 7 I think?
Awesome :) It stuck around till I was 7-8 years old in my case too I think. I still do it every now and then. Counting syllables and interchanging vowel sounds is another thing I indulge in frequently.
Vibrant looks really cool btw. Will check it out. I recently started dabbling with graphics and generative art.
Hey thanks!
The ABBA thing is gone entirely.
I have difficulty remembering the mental process that generated that, it scares me a lot I must say. It was quite, uh, compulsive.
I did the same for a time, except the pattern was simply number 5. If I snapped my fingers for some reason, I had to snap them 5 times, or anxiety would chip in, in the beginning not so much, but towards when it got worse, I had some bad times: imagine I snapped my fingers 5 times, and then once again. I had to snap the 5 times again, but then I had snapped them 5 times only 2 times... You can guess what happened next.
At some point I had an anxiety attack, realised it was not normal, and fortunately managed to, on my own, push through the anxiety of not giving in to the repetitions. Eventually it disappeared and if it ever comes back, it's easy for me to detect it early and quickly kill it before developing habit.
Neat. We should start a club :) And I don't think OCD is a cause for concern unless it interferes with your daily functions. I personally feel it is a plus point when it comes to problem solving and research. Apart from this, I also have intrusive thoughts mentioned somewhere else on this page but they have become less intense with time. Stuff like worrying about accidents when travelling, worrying about your loved ones etc. Fret not as long as it doesn't affect your functioning.
" I don't think OCD is a cause for concern unless it interferes with your daily functions"
When I ran into the formal definition of disease in University, that definition let me discard a whole load of thoughts and worries.
It's like that pipe of nirvana and heavenly thoughts that I was basking in and drinking up heavily? Well that's a sewer pipe now. Shut your mouth and let it pass.
When my mind is idle it will consider jumping off the bridge I'm walking over, or pushing strangers in front of the passing train at a station. I never thought I would do any of this, and the thoughts are easy to dismiss. To me, these thoughts were just part of the normal what-if and should-i scenarios my mind plays all the time.
I was surprised to learn that some people don't have these thoughts and consider it worrying if I have them. I still think they must have a very boring mind if they never consider anything off the beaten path. But there was a time in my life where I had the recurring image of punching my conversation partner in the face. It was quite intrusive and while I wasn't ever close to carrying through I started wondering what caused it. I had to change some things in my life to reduce this back to a passing idea like before.
> To me, these thoughts were just part of the normal what-if and should-i scenarios my mind plays all the time.
The problem is that sometimes they might become pretty disturbing, as you can see in the Wikipedia article.
But then again, the bottom line seems to be: as long as you detect them as weird, unwanted, unnormal thoughts, don't worry too much, it's more common than you think, and no, you're not becoming a psycho.
hehe this happens to me all the time...
Thoughts like let's go off the road with my motorbike, punching someone in face, moral dillemas like go to job but at the same time stay home and just get high.... brains are weird I just hope those thoughts stay thoughts and I'll be able to resist them in future
I've had these kind of intrusive thoughts since I can remember. I would never act on it and now, after having had them for so long, I am confident enough to play along sometimes if I don't have anything better to do.
They are apparently very common and most people will have them, to a various degree.
I just see them as weird thought experiments and don't read too much into them.
I started having strange thoughts like this at some point in high school. I remember the first one: I was talking to my supervisor, a male, and suddenly thought about making out with him. It was really odd because I am pretty solidly on the heterosexual end of the spectrum, or thought I was anyway. After some soul searching I concluded I didn’t actually want to make out with this guy at all, but that I wasn’t repressing myself either. Fortunately I wasn’t raised in a totally homophobic environment so while it was a strange thought that didn’t make sense, I wasn’t freaked out by it like others may have been. At “worst”, I thought, I’m suddenly, out of nowhere, gay. I’ve read about intrusive thoughts since then and it seems like they can really freak people out. It’s weird that you have these random nonsense thoughts, but that’s how it is, at least for me.
Every since I have intrusive thoughts every so often. A few times a month or a few times a year. They range from considering jumping off things even though I’m not suicidal, harming strangers who I don’t know, to harming myself or sexual thoughts that aren’t actually characteristic of my sexuality. The mind is weird! It does what it wants. It’s been a real trip dealing with that in life.
Haha yeah the sudden thought of making out was weird the first time around. Then I decided if I wasn't going to be worried about the thought of harming people, I shouldn't worry about the thought of kissing them either.
I mostly get them when I'm stressed or anxious and I put it down to my brain looking for ways out. Eg in a performance review I might be getting a glowing report but if I feel anxious about it (eg imposters syndrome) then I'll start fantasising about smacking my boss round the head with my coffee mug or such like. I think my brain is working a scenario where if I get sacked than I've proven I'm an imposter and thus have no need to feel anxious any more.
This is the mild end of the spectrum for some of the thoughts I get too (inc. ones about harming my children). Its horrible. I hate those thoughts but I literally cannot control them. The best I can do is distract myself from them rather than trying to dwell on them but that's sometimes hard to do when some of the more distressing thoughts randomly pop in.
Think of the brain as a pool of subconscious thoughts where only one can rise to the surface of consciousness. To do so, it must be more exciting than the other thoughts also competing for your awareness. The decision of what is exciting depends on your past reaction to such thoughts.
If you're excited (even if not in a good way) at the thought of harming your children, it will cause more such images to get through the filter more. Because your brain thinks it's an important thought and needs conscious attention. The solution (and I'm not saying this is easy) is to discard these ideas as not worthy of your consideration. Tell yourself that they are not related to your life because you won't do what they say you could do.
There was an article here on HN recently that used a nice analogy to explain the concept: The Chamber of Guf[0].
I had a period where I'd picture myself biting some random person in my field of view so hard in the forehead that the skull would split open. Pretty sick, yet I never really worried about it (and never told anyone, just coming out now).
Thoughts like "I could drive my entire family and me off this cliff" do instill some fear, actually I'm happy that it does. When I was about 18 (I'm twice that now) I pretty much figured emotions were undependable, rudimentary things we once needed to function. I don't think that anymore, still it is nice to feel bad at the thought of loosing one's family.
As for the first part of your comment, for me I've always viewed thoughts like that as the opposite side of the coin of "What if this truck beside me swerves? What's the safest way to ditch", "What if a car cam around this bend too fast and jumped the curb? When would I realize it would happen? Which direction do I go? Do I pick up the kid, or push them and where?", or "What if I was bumped onto the subway tracks? Where can I take cover? What do I need to avoid?".
Sometimes I take it a little far I think at first, like keeping waterproof blankets in the car ("What if we're in an accident in the winter?") or rotating out growlers of tap water ("What if there is a boil water advisory or worse?"). In the end though, those blankets and water havn't been used for their intended purpose, but have come in handy just having around.
Then there are things like running through an airplane crash, as we fly with and without kids a number of times a year, and basically thinking of how to keep calm, where exits are, when to unbuckle the kids, make sure to ask for child life vests if needed, ensure that anything I take out of my bag won't become a projectile and how to secure it properly during normal flight, what is the appropriate way for a toddler to brace for imapact, &c. Obviously they're not great "simulations" as I have no real basis for reality, but in the end I sometimes don't feel like I have a choice in thinking about it -- it just happens. It also leads me down many interesting paths and I've learned quite a bit.
I've told a few close friends that I feel like my "special talent" is to figure out what's wrong with everything (both physical systems and protocols, real and digital) I encounter: How will it break? Where will it fail? The flip side of that is also thinking about how to deal with those problems.
Like you said,"part of the normal what-if and should-i scenarios my mind plays all the time." I guess I never considered that this wasn't normal/common. It's the background music of my life.
I also do that, but without really having any expertise besides interest in the subject, I'd say this is different from intrusive thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts are not voluntary things, they seem to come randomly and by accident, so to say. You say that all these things you think just come to your head also, but like in my case, I'd think they are consequences of a certain mindset.
In my case I would even dare say this is how I've been raised. I see the benefits of observing these details, of having a plan, not only in my day job (I'm a software engineer, and probably most people here would agree that it's very useful to be able to easily go into "what if..."), but also in daily life, i.e. I'm on a hike, what could go wrong? or a better example: I'm one of the Fire Wardens in my office. Believe me, I've run plenty and plenty of scenarios for that in just an attempt to be more prepared for situations that could actually happen at some point.
So when you care about these things, you have awareness for them... I guess you end up thinking about them just as business as usual.
As humans (and as mammals) we're "on the long leash of evolution" because we can think through our actions and mentally prepare for calamity. We do this even during sleep. (The organisms that can't are "on the short leash" because behaviour modifications happen through death of the maladjusted.) This ability is selected for in nature because it keeps us out of harms way. Unfortunately for some people it can overshoot into crippling worry.
Sometimes when walking over a bridge the thought comes to me: "What if it started collapsing?" And I'll consider my options only to conclude: I'd be smashed to bits not matter what I did. It takes some force of will not to walk faster at that point. I have a friend who sometimes can't cross bridges for the fear of leaping off. Both thoughts are irrational in the sense that the chance of it occurring are remote. Still, the same kind of thoughts have saved my life on numerous occasions. In traffic for example.
I like the picture of these thoughts being the (sometimes dramatic) background music of our lifes.
I'm so glad to read other people have this. I get it all the time, some of the thoughts actually disturb me a little, and I always thought I was sick in the head for even having he imagination that wonders there even though I never had the compulsion to follow through.
N-Acetyl Cysteine, available OTC, supposedly helps with intrusive thoughts, I take it and haven't noticed a large difference but I'm not aware of any adverse effects.
I had a long history of intrusive thoughts about bad experiences I've had. You know, poor decisions, arguments with other people, bad breaks. If I wasn't "self-medicating" with either alcohol or video games (to completely occupy my conscious thinking), I was ruminating on terrible things.
My solution was to write about them. It completely changed my life. I just worked through them as they came. It took many hours, and filled dozens of pages.
I almost never reflect on these things any more, and, if I do, it's usually in a "proper" way, to consider new lessons about them, and not get bogged down in hating myself about them.
To clarify, as someone who checks things many times, like the stove, fridge etc. this is _not_ ocd, but “obsessive tendencies”, according to multiple therapists. True ocd is one client they have who literally can’t leave their house because they spend 8 hours every single day cleaning it.
61 comments
[ 7.6 ms ] story [ 130 ms ] threadMy frequent OCDs include:
1. Leaving the cooker on 2. Leaving the taps on 3. Leaving a window open or a door unlocked 4. Some kind of electrical fault burning down the house 5. Causing harm to other people, particularly when driving 6. Searching the Internet for illegal content 7. Doing something awful/unforgivable and being criminally prosecuted or losing all my savings in some kind of civil case
I never usually experience them at the same time. They come and go one at a time and some I have learned to manage better than others.
I fret about these things a lot - so I take pictures on my phone. This completely solves the problem for me and, of course, I never look at the resulting pictures.
Does create some surreal Apple Memories made up of nothing but unplugged plugs and locked doors set to music.... :-)
In my case I very occasionally worry about having left the gas stove on in the kitchen after cooking, and what usually works, in a way similar to the pictures you take I guess, is re-tracing my actions just before and after switching the gas off. This way I can actually visualize how I turned off the gas just before draining the pasta in the sink or whatever.
This works if I remember something particular about that specific occasion tho, but it usually does the thing.
I actually think this is a healthy thing to be a little obsessively worried about. Drivers are generally too blasé about the damage they can cause to other humans through their actions.
Like, most people should be worried about that enough that they drive less often because of it.
You and sibling are right that such a horrific illness shouldn't be trivialized, but I get really tired of people pretending that driving a car should be something you don't feel a little nervous doing.
All you've done here is shown that you have fialed to listen to and understand the parent poster.
They're not describing the perfectly normal response of "I'm in two tons of metal hurtling down the road I better be careful".
They're describing the pathological anxiety response. That gentle rumbling noise? That's a dead child trapped in the wheel arch, and I ran over them at that last junction. The air con is working a bit harder? That's because I ran over someone and that accident damaged the aircon. That car behind me, that everyone else says is perfectly normal? They're trying to get my attention to tell me about the cyclist I just killed.
How I’ve gotten around the anxiety (as I actually have left doors unlocked to my detriment on multiple occasions, have left the stove on etc.), is I say it out loud as I’m doing it. “Locking the front door.” Sometimes I might have to add a day: “Monday morning. Locking the front door.” as my brain will occasionally trick me into thinking that memory wasn’t from today.
I did this enough that now it’s somehow ingrained in my head and I don’t forget to do things as often. I’m not sure if this would work for you, but it might help.
I remember this appeared around HN some time ago, you might find it interesting: https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/pointing-and-calling-j...
It's a well known trick to picture oneself agonizing over something and becoming aware that you "are not the agonizing" but it is something separate from you. It will make you feel more tranquil.
But the symptoms seem so widespread across people, that it seems to be within range of normal human behavior.
I have not been crippled by any of these things (though it is immensely distracting). It's almost like I am looking for an easy explanation for genuine personality defects (which includes being easily distracted and procrastination). Which then again, makes me feel miserable for using mental illness as an excuse for ignoring my imperfections.
Yes, I do have to step on whole tiles (no cracks or breaks) when walking. But, I don't notice it when I am with people.
I have felt an intense itch in my back when then door handle was left at a non-90 degree angle. But, it only happened a few times in 2015.
I do need to tap my feet to high tempo jazz/prog music or talk out loud to focus on work,...but, even without them I have scored above 95 percentile on standardized tests. So, maybe what I am seeking is simply out of reach because I've reached my personal intelligence ceiling.
I do have the kind of distracting thoughts (what ifs and hypotheticals) that the top comment was talking about...but they are never so distracting enough to make me act on them. ( I do avoid going too close to ledges though...I've only so much trust in myself)
Problem is, I know people who call themselves OCD for less. But, I seeing people with genuine OCD makes my problems seem trivial.
I think the bitter pill to swallow, is that I am simply an easily distracted procrastinator with little self-discipline. But, It would be so wonderful if I could sometimes send these thoughts away, for the few hours everyday that I really do want to work and make real progress.
I wonder how common it is. These are other accounts I've found:
http://linkdot.link/thue-morse-prouhet-sequence.html
https://trapezzoid.livejournal.com/82863.html
Wow: http://linkdot.link/thue-morse-prouhet-sequence.html => explain it very well
Vibrant looks really cool btw. Will check it out. I recently started dabbling with graphics and generative art.
At some point I had an anxiety attack, realised it was not normal, and fortunately managed to, on my own, push through the anxiety of not giving in to the repetitions. Eventually it disappeared and if it ever comes back, it's easy for me to detect it early and quickly kill it before developing habit.
I don't think I'm OCD, but this thread is kind of freaking me out.
[edit] I also use my fingers to count binary on each hand independently, starting from different numbers and moving them forward in lock step.
When I ran into the formal definition of disease in University, that definition let me discard a whole load of thoughts and worries.
It's like that pipe of nirvana and heavenly thoughts that I was basking in and drinking up heavily? Well that's a sewer pipe now. Shut your mouth and let it pass.
I was surprised to learn that some people don't have these thoughts and consider it worrying if I have them. I still think they must have a very boring mind if they never consider anything off the beaten path. But there was a time in my life where I had the recurring image of punching my conversation partner in the face. It was quite intrusive and while I wasn't ever close to carrying through I started wondering what caused it. I had to change some things in my life to reduce this back to a passing idea like before.
> To me, these thoughts were just part of the normal what-if and should-i scenarios my mind plays all the time.
The problem is that sometimes they might become pretty disturbing, as you can see in the Wikipedia article.
But then again, the bottom line seems to be: as long as you detect them as weird, unwanted, unnormal thoughts, don't worry too much, it's more common than you think, and no, you're not becoming a psycho.
They are apparently very common and most people will have them, to a various degree.
I just see them as weird thought experiments and don't read too much into them.
Every since I have intrusive thoughts every so often. A few times a month or a few times a year. They range from considering jumping off things even though I’m not suicidal, harming strangers who I don’t know, to harming myself or sexual thoughts that aren’t actually characteristic of my sexuality. The mind is weird! It does what it wants. It’s been a real trip dealing with that in life.
This is the mild end of the spectrum for some of the thoughts I get too (inc. ones about harming my children). Its horrible. I hate those thoughts but I literally cannot control them. The best I can do is distract myself from them rather than trying to dwell on them but that's sometimes hard to do when some of the more distressing thoughts randomly pop in.
If you're excited (even if not in a good way) at the thought of harming your children, it will cause more such images to get through the filter more. Because your brain thinks it's an important thought and needs conscious attention. The solution (and I'm not saying this is easy) is to discard these ideas as not worthy of your consideration. Tell yourself that they are not related to your life because you won't do what they say you could do.
There was an article here on HN recently that used a nice analogy to explain the concept: The Chamber of Guf[0].
[0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18259656
Thoughts like "I could drive my entire family and me off this cliff" do instill some fear, actually I'm happy that it does. When I was about 18 (I'm twice that now) I pretty much figured emotions were undependable, rudimentary things we once needed to function. I don't think that anymore, still it is nice to feel bad at the thought of loosing one's family.
I may have issues, don't I...
Sometimes I take it a little far I think at first, like keeping waterproof blankets in the car ("What if we're in an accident in the winter?") or rotating out growlers of tap water ("What if there is a boil water advisory or worse?"). In the end though, those blankets and water havn't been used for their intended purpose, but have come in handy just having around.
Then there are things like running through an airplane crash, as we fly with and without kids a number of times a year, and basically thinking of how to keep calm, where exits are, when to unbuckle the kids, make sure to ask for child life vests if needed, ensure that anything I take out of my bag won't become a projectile and how to secure it properly during normal flight, what is the appropriate way for a toddler to brace for imapact, &c. Obviously they're not great "simulations" as I have no real basis for reality, but in the end I sometimes don't feel like I have a choice in thinking about it -- it just happens. It also leads me down many interesting paths and I've learned quite a bit.
I've told a few close friends that I feel like my "special talent" is to figure out what's wrong with everything (both physical systems and protocols, real and digital) I encounter: How will it break? Where will it fail? The flip side of that is also thinking about how to deal with those problems.
Like you said,"part of the normal what-if and should-i scenarios my mind plays all the time." I guess I never considered that this wasn't normal/common. It's the background music of my life.
Intrusive thoughts are not voluntary things, they seem to come randomly and by accident, so to say. You say that all these things you think just come to your head also, but like in my case, I'd think they are consequences of a certain mindset.
In my case I would even dare say this is how I've been raised. I see the benefits of observing these details, of having a plan, not only in my day job (I'm a software engineer, and probably most people here would agree that it's very useful to be able to easily go into "what if..."), but also in daily life, i.e. I'm on a hike, what could go wrong? or a better example: I'm one of the Fire Wardens in my office. Believe me, I've run plenty and plenty of scenarios for that in just an attempt to be more prepared for situations that could actually happen at some point.
So when you care about these things, you have awareness for them... I guess you end up thinking about them just as business as usual.
Sometimes when walking over a bridge the thought comes to me: "What if it started collapsing?" And I'll consider my options only to conclude: I'd be smashed to bits not matter what I did. It takes some force of will not to walk faster at that point. I have a friend who sometimes can't cross bridges for the fear of leaping off. Both thoughts are irrational in the sense that the chance of it occurring are remote. Still, the same kind of thoughts have saved my life on numerous occasions. In traffic for example.
I like the picture of these thoughts being the (sometimes dramatic) background music of our lifes.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4423164/
My solution was to write about them. It completely changed my life. I just worked through them as they came. It took many hours, and filled dozens of pages.
I almost never reflect on these things any more, and, if I do, it's usually in a "proper" way, to consider new lessons about them, and not get bogged down in hating myself about them.
As always, your milage may vary.
However, what helped me immensely, was to start meditating regularly. This led me to being able to control and freely dismiss any thought whatsoever.
I encourage anybody having those problems, not being able to fix them, to try this.
Those things have helped me be master of, rather than mastered by, OCD.