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Think about a police department or intelligence agency who can make you disappear anytime they want, without needing to devote manpower or risk lives at the task. Disturbingly dystopian.

Think about a black-hat hacker who can have a side gig making sweet ransom money by kidnapping you or your child from a thousand miles away. Aggressively anarchistic.

Think about a rogue employee who works for Tesla or someone and has legit access to the tech, and knows the GPS coordinates of the nearest body of water. Maniacally murderous.

Think about a terrorist group whose only objective is to cause as much damage as possible, and figures out how to access the whole fleet of vehicles at once. Grandly genocidal.

Self-driving cars are downright terrifying.

I think you mean humans are downright terrifying, and self-driving cars don't need remote controls.
Whether it is self-driving or not, should not need remote controls.
- if the thief is inside he will remain locked inside until police can arrest them.

Right, they'll just sit there patiently instead of kicking out the window at the next set of lights.

Or have the car rendezvous with the nearest police car which wouldn't probably leave the thief time enough to exit.

Even if he successfully gets away how likely is he then to steal another Tesla?

Even if a hacker sells them a zero day hack then it will only last a single day before Tesla updates its entire fleet.

imagine a kid locked in a toasty car for a whole day before the update gets deployed
It would be the other way around. You wouldn't be able to electronically break in using the zero day after the update.

Then you do the same thing as you would in an unconnected car, break a window.

Couldn’t that be thwarted by thieves using car covers that were designed and made to act like Faraday cages? Like those bags they sell for cellphones?

This would prevent automatic updates to the software and remote control at the same time.

They could do that, or they could use a 30 year old flatbed tow truck bought at auction for $800
Hell, if you can afford it, just buy a tow truck, the police would probably help you. (I recall a study from many years ago, where people would functionally help a car thief because of how annoying car alarms were)
I've thought about the idea of a "lock the thief inside" kind of alarm system, but you're right. How do you stop them jumping out?

I've also thought of this.

1. Lock doors, secure windows.

2. 100% throttle

3. after 15 seconds, 100% steer left

Of course, there are certain... moral issues... surrounding this idea which have prevented it leaving the notes on a napkin stage.

100% throttle for 15 seconds means my car has gone through my garage door into my garage.

If another car isn't there to stop it, the car has now gone through my kitchen or my daughter's bedroom.

100% throttle for 15 seconds on a multi-level parking garage means my car has now plunged N stories, or gone for a swim into the pond/river/drainage ditch behind the parking garage.

Don't be judge, jury, and executioner.

Or in less cliche terms: separate the asset recovery function (where you can help without moral issue) from the law enforcement function (where you cannot help without creating moral and privacy issues).

Just immobilize the car: the car's owner, leasing/financing company, insurance company, and police department will all be happy with just that.

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Person breaks into your car to escape violent gunman (let’s assume we’re in America), your car summarily executes them.

Alternatively: person is stealing your car, you have decided that theft deserves the death penalty, you execute them with your car.

Someone steals your car, your car accelerates and turns hard left, killing the occupants of other cars around them.

Seriously, I don’t get people who are so hell bent on trying to come up with ways to execute people for committing crimes.

yes.
So I could execute you if your high speed left turn injured me?
Technically, you don't need windows in an autonomous car, and even on a normal car you could have the views captured by the external cameras projected onto the windshield and windows. all made of solid steel ...
That's where I want to be when my autonomous car crashes or collides. Inside a crumpled steel coffin.
> “The police tested several cars; Tesla, Audi, Mercedes, and Toyota,” he continues. “We do this in collaboration with these car companies because this information is valuable to them, too. If we can hack into their cars, others can as well.”

At least they have the right attitude about it, as opposed to "Don't worry, only we can hack it, you can trust us!"

it's too early in the morning and I don't really follow conspiracy theories that close to remember details now, but didn't a journalist working with NSA(?) leak died last year when he supposedly accelerated his audi into a wall?
And that is why we should never buy internet connected devices without having root on them. The potential for abuse is staggering. I think that we need to start seriously thinking about what is ownership when something has software inside.

Because - well if the property can drive ifself - it is not really a theft. But also is not really ownership.

> Imagine this: You’re leaving work, walking to your car...

Imagine this: You’re leaving work, walking to your car, you close the door and your car arrests you and takes you against your will to a black prison site.

This is basically Minority Report
Not quite. Minority Report is about pre-crime: a crime you haven't committed but allegedly will.
Not the whole movie, just the way they try to capture him.

He's in that weird automated hover car with the rotating front/rear that can transition to/from being an elevator up the side of a building. It locks him in and starts driving to the police. He kicks out the window, then jumps onto another moving vehicle.

I think of this every time there is any discussion of cars that have data connections or can drive themselves. If stopping a driver is as easy as entering something into a computer, then it will be done far more often and with less justification.

Oh, I forgot about that scene. It's been a while since I watched it.
imagine this: you're leaving work, walking into your car, and your car arest you and start driving to some remote area and your phone rings with text message with a dollar amount you have to transfer to avoid being kidnaped and killed.

great time to be a criminal, I guess.

Time to install an open source firmware update.