Ask HN: What can I do when I'm not a culture fit?

4 points by Novashi 7y ago ↗ HN

I'm a quiet person and parties make me anxious.

I joined a company that loves to party and talk a lot and it feels a little required because I get hints that I should attend them.

While I've gotten up-to-speed on technologies relatively quickly and then thrown into the deep end to drown (2 months in), I feel like this company just doesn't value that contribution compared to if I had quickly made a bunch of office friends and wasn't up-to-speed tech-wise.

I've had counseling but I've told them that I'm happy being alone and quiet (and I really am), so they don't recommend medications for me.

If everyone wants people who engage in the culture, wouldn't I be better off cutting my losses and leaving sooner, or should I go for the standard 1-year before leaving?

1 comment

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AnimalMuppet 7y ago ↗

How uncomfortable is this making you? If you need to introvert after work instead of hanging out, just do that. Don't feel bad that you're not "meeting expectations" or whatever. You don't need their permission to use your "not at work" time however you want. If it's not hurting you, I wouldn't leave.

And how uncomfortable is this making them? Is it "nobody ever did that before, and we're not sure how to react"? Well, their culture needs to learn how to deal with introverts sooner or later; it might as well be now. Or is their reaction more like "we want to be your whole life, not just your working hours, and you won't let us, and we don't like you thwarting our goals like that"? That's more like a cult than a job. If that's the deal, then you may need to eventually leave, because they're going to increase the level of pain on you until you leave or comply.