Ask HN: How to not feel bad/guilty about quitting the current job for a break?
I have enough money saved up that I could afford to not do anything for many years and live off my savings if I wanted. I am single with no house, no kids or responsibilities and a simple lifestyle, the most expensive thing I own is my $2500 desktop.
However as I get closer to handing in my resignation the more self-doubt is creeping in. The thing is this job pays incredibly well and I feel guilty quitting it to take an extended break without having anything lined up. Another thing is that I have been working basically non-stop since I was 16-17 so the idea of taking 2-3 months off for myself is also making me feel bad and guilty. Moreover I see people who are much worse off then me who continue to grind and that makes me feel even more guilty for doing this.
I imagine there are many here who might have been in similar situations and can share their story and offer advice. I would love to hear your thoughts on this What should I do and how do I stop feeling like shit for considering this?
15 comments
[ 4.2 ms ] story [ 49.6 ms ] threadSounds like you have a great job, those are tough to find.
Take 1 week or 2 off, unplug and see how you feel after that.
You can probably recharge quite a bit in 1 week or 2. Vs. worrying about what you're doing next.
If that doesn't work, see if you could take 1 month off paid or unpaid and travel.
It might be a good idea to see a life coach or therapist too just to explore what you're feeling.
Good luck.
How do you feel after joining again? Do you feel energetic/normal and interested in tackling office work? Then all you need to do is take care not to work 80 hour weeks and take an occasional long vacation.
Back from vacation, do you start dreading going to office more? Then the office is the problem and it is deep rooted. There is the justification you need, right there. Run away as fast as you can, protect yourself . You totally deserve that.
Unless you were actually managing them you are not responsible for their happiness. Get yourself back on track before worrying about others (it’s cliché but think of the oxygen mask metaphor).
Even when I was abroad, I would still put in a 4 hour day, dedicated to whatever project I felt like working on. What you don't realize is how much work occupies not only your physical time, but your mental time. I had 8 full hours that I never had to think about things I wanted to do. In the end, it re-ignited my passion for code and gave me a new perspective on how I want to work the rest of my life.
> The thing is this job pays incredibly well
So? What does that actually do for you if you're unhappy? You're getting paid in money, and money translates into wealth, i.e. things that you want. But only if you spend it. What are you even bothering earning all that money for, if you're going to spend your life being miserable? You have no house, no kids, no responsibilities, a simple lifestyle — do you want to spend this time in your life in a job that is burning you out and making you miserable?
edit: As for not feeling like shit about quitting — I don't know what will work for you (I didn't have this problem when I quit; I didn't feel a moment's regret), but you might for example set yourself some amount of time (2 months? whatever) during which you are explicitly permitted to be self-indulgent and relax, and after which you tell yourself you will sit down and plan for what comes next, whether that's looking for work or donating to charity or starting some project or helping others or whatever.
Unless you want to be a saint and donate all your money to charity then there will always be people less fortunate than you. Though perhaps donating some money to charity will make you feel better about it? And of course be a good thing to do. But to ruin your mental and physical health by working yourself silly just because there are others who have to go through the daily grind in worse conditions would be a real shame.
Some people spend their money on fancy cars or big houses, you spend your money on 2-3 months off, think of it that way.
Also, perhaps you should look into freelancing sites like toptal? I don't have experience using them myself but from what I hear if you are good enough to pass the interviews then they have a wide range of work available and you can choose how many hours per week you want to work. Apparently the pay is not as good as you would get in New York but it might be enough to live on if you have a simple life. Perhaps consider working 20-30 hours a week after your break so you don't have to feel guilty about using up all your savings?
Instead of trying to self-treat, you really should go see a mental health professional; that's what they're there for. Your work very likely will cover it; if not, well, this is why you have savings. Once a professional has helped you deal with your unhealthy attitudes towards work and what could very possibly be depression, then you can determine the best way to move forward with your life.
I used to pool my vacation and take entire month of December off and just relax. I used to work out in the gym almost every day, wake up late, take naps, watch movies. Other times, go travel to far away places etc.
If you come back and have forgotten passwords, then you have used up the time well.
Trip around the world, meditation retreat, extra-tech study, family reasons, whatever.
And of course, have your mind made up in case the answer is no. Make it clear that you've decided to take the time off regardless, but would really like to return to work for them in three months.
I've done this very thing myself. 2-3 months off, going part-time, etc. The cost of losing your experience and abilities down the road usually out-weighs any short term difficulties it presents to the company.
But yeah, I would ease into it like the others said. If you have a well-paying job that you kind of like, that's not a bad thing. Me myself, I've taken long travel breaks before so I know what I'd be getting into (with tweaks from maturing).
Take a 2 week vacation and disconnect. If you like it, then ask for a 2 month sabbatical. If they say no, then just quit and go for a 3 month slow travel trip around Europe or SA. Hit some meditation retreat and a music festival.
For me that's about 3-4 months. I get sad and angry and bored and need need need to work with a group of skilled people again. I've heard from others that it takes about a season, no less than 8 weeks, no more than 6 months (except for people that are fine working alone).
Since you have enough money to retire this should be easy. Don't worry about this particular job. Worry about doing well in your career. If you're good head hunters will contact you.