Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?
The same question was asked a year ago with so many amazing answers, experience, and deep advice. Asking the same question again after almost a year.
Previous entry: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17316120
236 comments
[ 4.0 ms ] story [ 94.4 ms ] threadAll my emotions are there with a reason, it's important to figure out what is it.
self-discipline and pursuit of your goals is a road to healthy, stable self-confidence and self-esteem.
Everyone around you seem to know how you should lead your life, listen to only those whose life is similar to what you aspire, filter out the rest.
Surround yourself with people that make you feel good. Cut out the toxic relationships and habits.
Practise gratitude for the people in your life, your health etc...
Do things that matter to you.
Well put. I thought about this a bit when collecting advice on next career steps from a range of acquaintances and contacts earlier this year - I realized that it made almost no difference the level of detail/context I provided to them about my situation - they invariably ended up suggesting something in line with what they wished they would've done themselves.
So my way of handling that was just like you wrote - working backwards and prioritizing the feedback from people whose path seems to be in line with my own and heavily de-prioritizing the rest regardless of who they were.
> Do things that matter to you.
Also, simple but true.
So I believe for the most part, I have been following this advice and I'm not sure if it has been optimal for achieving my goal. I'm not debating, I quite literally don't know. I'm current attending university.
The issue is, I aspire to start my own company, and eventually build a billion dollar company. That is my life's ambition and I will do anything to make it happen. The issue is, the vast majority of people Ive met in university just want to work for Google or Facebook, and don't have any other aspirations outside that.
I purposefully push people away and don't listen to advice because I don't think somebody whose entire purpose in life is to work at Google is somebody I want to be close friends with. I'll be nice to them, but not super close. It really stings because I haven't really made any close friends here and have a hard time fitting in. That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make but I'm not sure it's the optimal path to my goal.
Maybe the optimal path is becoming close friends with these people even though your goals aren't aligned?
Am I going about life wrong?
Regarding the Google/Facebook group of potential friends: I would describe most people there as hardworking, diligent, and smart - all wonderful traits to look for in friends even if your end goals aren't necessarily aligned. And given the nature of the companies they're working for - there's plenty of value in hearing their perspective of how things operate from the inside of these companies in addition to the potential networking/social connection opportunities.
My advice (for whatever it's worth) would be to focus on finding a few people you could consider mentors or advisors - preferably people that have founded or are in the process of founding companies and look to them for advice on your particular path and situations. You're right that you likely won't find these people at school; I'd say the a better bet would be something like AngelList, Twitter, in-person events, or even cold-emailing those who you think you can provide some value to (this is important).
Best of luck on your adventure!
I wish I exercised more, did more yearly blood tests checks and was more considerate around my diet.
2) That one should be thankful for what they have
- artificial intelligence is a vast scam,
- global warming is a massive scam,
- neo-liberalism is a vast scam,
- the wars waged by the United States are a massive scam,
- that feminists, immigrants and gays are the new proletarians of the new world order,
- that the United States is waging a war against the rest of the world with widespread indifference,
- that the banks are our new masters.
For the most part I don't agree with you, but your comment is as valid as any other in the context of this thread (unless you are in fact a troll).
Edit: I accidentally a letter
Toned down my habit of almost compulsorily seeing the good in people. I am less trusting of new people now. Made me more aware of my own characteristics that I had not given much thought to. My patience levels have gone down the drain, compassion out the window and I have more of a GTFO attitude for anything that, in my opinion, is bullshit.
Several traits have changed. I don’t like some of the changes that I see in myself - but I suppose that happens when someone slowly shreds your life and emotional and mental well-being over several months.
The lowest point in my life was probably over last few months. Most of what I built over last 5-6 years is gone, but that’s okay.
I am at peace, with occasional bouts of depression over past events. Perhaps I will be able to learn my lessons and avoid making the same personal mistakes in the future.
I am rebuilding. Let’s see how that goes. Hope I see this question next year. :)
Do you think this is a good thing? I've personally tried to do the complete opposite, and I think it's thoroughly improved my life and mental wellbeing.
I think it's very possible to be introspective and aware of oneself while still seeing the good in everyone.
I hope you feel better :) Life has it's ups and downs, and I've found that time fixes most of it - we just have to learn to enjoy the ride (which can be nigh impossible at times, don't get me wrong)
I am hoping that this is just a temporary effect of all the damage sustained over last year. As I recover and move on, hope to get back to normal. It is really a positive trait to have - for your own well being as you are not mentally consumed by negative thoughts about others.
You are right! It will all get better, and I am going to give as much time as needed to ride this phase out.
Also learned that running can feel good.
It was always just suffer and put one foot in front of the other for the first 15 minutes, then you get the "runners high." That part wasn't all that amazing either. I see how you get in the zone, and it gets easier to keep going, but it's still not enjoyable at all for me.
So started doing some weekly job on a short distances (4-7 km) on a nice run (île au cygnes + banks of the Seine) and it just felt good, whereas the last times I felt pretty terrible. Perhaps because those times I didn't push myself too hard or unlike the previous times, stretched afterward. I don't know.
And I finished just behind my uncle, less than a minute after him, I was a little disappointed, but still happy to have made a good time (~ 30 min, if I remember right).
- Just a reminder I could die one second from now. Tuesday a friend of 21 years, had his heart stop. CPR was performed all the way to the hospital where they found a blockage that they cleared, however his brain had been without oxygen for quite some time and there was no brain activity. 72 hour protocol was started (arctic sun) but he died Wednesday evening leaving his girl, 1 kid and 4 step kids.
Taught:
- The general population is extremely ignorant to climate change and the rather serious consequences it brings. I've had many people tell me it's fake, it's just something politicians use in debates, it's a conspiracy, that we aren't experiencing global warming but in fact are headed for a mini ice age, that they don't care because they can't stop it so they're going to keep on living their life how they want, etc.
- That without a college degree, you are effectively a second class citizen in the workplace. I've had company after company reject me in the past 18 months for not having a degree, including one company doing the exact same job I do now that wouldn't even interview me citing "we require a BA/BS degree as well as previous experience" while at the time I had 12 years of experience and their company was 5-6 years old... my own employer does not promote without a degree, they will flat out tell you to get at a minimum a BA/BS and then preferably immediately start an Masters. Oh if I could go back 16 years and tell myself to get a degree.
- I've learned that tech is largely elitist. Founders only want to deal with other founders once they've had a taste of mild success. Those in power can be college dropouts but they require BA/BS at a minimum for entry-level, non-technical, roles in their companies. They will tell you things like "the best way to stand out is to complete a major project or produce an important result" for entry-level work in their form rejection email.
- I've learned that most of the current people at the helm will admit they were extremely lucky to have a mentor, that helped them without hesitation, when they had no experience or accomplishments behind their belt and were effectively still naive children, but they will only help those people that are well qualified on paper and stand a good chance of making them bank. They would rather bet on a likely win by throwing investment money for a cut at someone and introductions instead of helping someone by actually giving them work, creating something in their empire that the person can prove themselves on, and then give them more responsibility, and more, to let them learn by doing and building a reputation. Instead it is "come to me when you have a sure-fire idea, I'll buy a ridiculous amount of your company for a small sum, and you can make a little while I do little and get richer".
- That Silicon Valley is comical. I'd always pictured it as these brilliant people doing neat stuff, making breakthroughs and driving future technology. Last year I had a lot of introductions made and had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people in the Bay Area that I never would have without the introductions, being a non-STEM, no-degree, no billion dollar idea guy in Indianapolis. While some of these people were truly brilliant, I realized nearly all of them are extremely myopic on one thing that interests them, they mostly don't care about anything else and they will pursue their idea at all costs even when it's something ridiculous or so fantastically unlikely to ever pan out. You'll ask for an introduction "I'd love to help, but I'm really busy" you'll ask if they need a janitor so you can get your foot in the door somewhere to try and build out your CV because you lack a degree "I'd love to help, but I'm really busy", they're friends with umpteen Giving Pledge members and you ask if they could introduce you to someone at one of the dozen phi...
With companies that have rejected me for not having one the past 18 months, I've found that (via LinkedIn) a notable percentage of their employees have random liberal arts degrees and then 2 years out of college they are on their 3rd-5th job upgrading their title at each stop...
Hi, hello, I've been at my job 13 years. I'm in it for the long haul if you pay me well, I only want to leave my current employer because after 13 years on the job I make a whopping 34k a year in a state where the hourdly median wage was 16.25 in 2016 which is within 500 dollars of what I make (a bit less I think). When people were making a big fuss to raise minimum wage to 15$ a year or three ago, I was like "no, that's what I make after 10-12 years on the job and I know my employer won't increase my pay!"
I lost a friend of 17 years last spring (he was 30) to a similar cardiovascular issue, and I'm still picking up the pieces more than a year later. It hit way harder than losing grandparents.
It also showed me that people I'm surrounded by are a lot shittier than I thought compared to him. It taught me to look out for my personal interests more, especially when it comes to health and compensation for my time, and generally standing up to obnoxious bullies.
> The general population is extremely ignorant to climate change and the rather serious consequences it brings. I've had many people tell me it's fake, it's just something politicians use in debates, it's a conspiracy, that we aren't experiencing global warming but in fact are headed for a mini ice age, that they don't care because they can't stop it so they're going to keep on living their life how they want
I think we have to realize that people vary wildly in their cognitive ability, and some people may just never be able to grasp complex abstract concepts. It doesn't make them worse people, but I don't want to be subject to the tyranny of ignorance either. Another part of this is that people are dealing with personal crises much of their time (like loss of loved ones) and that their focus cannot be diverted to global problems for too long. Life's hard enough without having existential crises about the survival of your species every week. Not sure how to tackle this one.
> That Silicon Valley is comical. I'd always pictured it as these brilliant people doing neat stuff, making breakthroughs and driving future technology.
The one place that changed my view of technology is, surprisingly, HN itself. For the same reasons you state, I've committed to being a generalist, because most HN posters and the tech cargo cult shows how easily you lose perspective if you are successful in a narrow field of tech. It circles back to your earlier point about tech being elitist. Just the idea of people who have very narrow perspectives being elitist is hilariously ironic to me.
Thank you. Even at 33-35 we've lost a lot of friends already but this one seems to have hit a lot of us pretty hard because it wasn't a bullet, it wasn't an accident, it wasn't cancer... it was just a heart going "nah, I'm done" and CPR was started almost immedieately and they cleared the blockage quickly in the hospital and got him hooked up to arctic sun but it was just all a little too late, too much brain damage had been done. Also perhaps because his bio kid is only about a year old, he finally had a good job, ya know finally had 'the dream' going for him.
While we were all getting way too old to go to punk shows for bands we went to as kids, we still did and now one of us won't be there.
That's a minority of workplaces. There are many workplaces. Choose a better one or start your own. You are just as powerful as anyone else, so figure out what creates inefficiency in your area, figure out how to solve it, then build it.
Remember we can move to cheap places and be self-reliant during at least the initial phase of company building, so the financial bar to founding may be lowered. If you have no savings at all, you can also take a relatively intellectually uninvolved job with plenty of free time (night security shift supervisor, etc.) to keep you financially afloat while working on your idea.
Remember also there is venture capital out there for good ideas, it's not easy to get ... but it's available.
No, that's nearly every publicly traded company.
> or start your own
See, here's the Silicon Valley disconnect again. You don't just start a company outside of a place like Silicon Valley and go "hey someone give me a ton of money to do this thing so I can get a building, hire employees, buy furniture and computers, I have a vague idea and no experience!"
Contrary to your assertion, I've never lived or worked in SV. You don't need real estate, employees, furniture or computers to run a company. If you'd tried, you'd know that as I do.
This is not easy to do some days, but it is failproof. Try it and see for yourself.
For more information, research "charity, pure love of Christ" and Lojong, which is Buddhist mind training for compassion. Effectiviology also has an excellent article on how charity can be used in arguments: https://effectiviology.com/principle-of-charity/
I realized that I can handle more than I thought, even though it is a pain I haven't felt before. Just trying to make the best of every day since then and keep moving forward.
Good luck with everything.
2. Don't trust your company to do right by you even if you really believe that they will. Only you can look out for you.
3. Cannabis is medicine.
Not that there's anything wrong with coming home, getting baked, and watching TV / gaming. We all gotta unwind, and that is healthy. But you just have to watch and make sure it's not interfering with your goals. It seems that the key to everything in life is moderation.
Now that I'm out of school and I have had a chance to see how others live their lives though, I get it now. It's difficult to enforce in myself since I've been set in my ways for a while, but actually doing things outside of work/for myself is so fulfilling!
Giving your brain a chance to relax and focus on other things rejuvenates its capability to solve problems when you need it to.
that being said, i do think people should be careful with their consumption and make sure that they are actually using it for what they claim and not just using their claims as a false justification for just mindless consumption. that isn't to say that recreational consumption is bad, because in that context it isn't mindless, it is specifically being done for recreational purposes. but ultimately it's just important that one is doing what they actually want to do and not just pretending to want to do it for some ulterior motive
Speaker - There some times when you can't say no and in that situation you have to choose different path. One of my customer asked me to create the existing CRM like Google search page. It should show only one search box in front and all search should work like Google. I said sure and here is the budget for this change. After hearing the $$$ she just stop asking for!
"I'm glad I didn't have any trouble paying the security deposit so I could move." "Good thing I can afford this dental care I need." "Isn't it nice that someone will just tow my car for me? When you have the money it's very convenient."
First read and keep a copy of Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" always at hand - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If%E2%80%94
Root Advice: Do not compare yourself to others constantly. This is the root of all evil. You should only focus on bettering your "present/future" self over your "past" self.
>I've failed,
If you have failed in some, you have succeeded in others. "Failure" is relative. Maybe you have had some major failures but that is no excuse to lose heart. You still have to soldier on and live the rest of your life without allowing a single event to define the future. If you live it positively you will make yourself lots more opportunities and make up for any past failures.
>I'm not as smart as I think
Actually, you are on a multi-dimensional "Smartness" scale where there is always some people much smarter and some people less smarter than you on any given dimension. You have to focus on your strengths i.e. where you are more towards the positive end of the scale and not obsess on the negative dimensions.
>I know I'm useless
Hey, HEy, HEY! DO NOT GO DOWN THIS LINE OF THINKING! SNAP OUT OF IT!
Unless and until you are biologically impaired, nobody is ever useless. They always can define a position for themselves in Society. Do not allow Society to define it for you but define it yourself to find some meaning for your life. That is enough.
PS: The ancient Hindu Text "Yoga Vasistha" opens with a strong emphasis on "Self-Effort" which is worth keeping in mind. Note that you don't have to believe in God/Religion/etc. to get the positive message. Here it is with some slight edits;
Sage Vasistha says: In this world whatever is gained is gained by self effort; where failure is encountered it is seen that there has been slackness of effort. This is obvious; but what is called fate is fictitious and is not seen.
Self-effort, Rama, is that mental, verbal and physical action ...
... When there is obstruction in the fruition of self-effort one should examine to see if there is [wrong] action, and if there is, it should be immediately corrected. There is no power greater than right action in the present. Hence, one should take recourse to self-effort, grinding one’s teeth, and one should overcome ... fate by present effort.
The lazy man is worse than a donkey. One should never yield to laziness ... seeing that life is ebbing away every moment.
One who says “Fate is directing me to do this” is brainless and the goddess of fortune abandons him. Hence by self-effort acquire ... and know that this self-effort leads to [results].
If this dreadful source of evil named laziness is not found on earth, who will ever be illiterate and poor? It is because of laziness that people live the life of animals, miserable and poverty stricken.
As is the effort so is the fruit, O Rama: this is the meaning of self-effort, and it is also known as fate (divine). When afflicted by suffering people cry “Alas, what tragedy” or “Alas, look at my fate”, both of which mean the same thing. What is called fate or divine will is nothing other than the action of the past. The present is infinitely more potent than the past. They indeed are fools who are satisfied with the fruits of their past effort (which they regard as divine will) and do not engage themselves in self-effort now.
If you see the present self-effort is sometimes thwarted by fate (or divine will), you should understand that the present self-effort is weak. A weak and dull-witted man sees the hand of providence when he is confronted by a strong and powerful adversary and succumbs to him.
Self effort is based on these three – knowledge ..., instructions ... and one’s own effort. Fate (or divine dispensation) does not enter here.
Fate or divine dispensation...
My feeling is, that we were doing more complex problem solving at university and my personal projects are much more challenging than most things we do at work.
It's honestly quite a bit frustrating. And makes me want to build something up myself. Problem is, I am just not an idea-person...
Also: tribalism rules the day in politics.
- Sometimes you simply don't have enough information to make a super calculated decision and you have to trust your gut and just go for it
- Performing stack traces on my beliefs and following them down to the people & things I originally got them from has allowed me to clear some real garbage out of my mind
So this really began with reading through Eliezer Yudkowsky's post series on LessWrong about Fake Beliefs [0].
In summary: start with a thought/opinion/belief (the more recurring or obvious the better; thoughts about what I should or shouldn't do, beliefs about society, economics, politics, or biology). I then try to write out my understanding of that concept and try to dig at two questions (and I find typing this stuff out is much better than doing it in thought, but talking to someone works as well):
1. Where did I obtain this understanding of the world - was it my education, something in the media, friends, coworkers, family, childhood) and is it factually accurate? Generally this involves research and attempting to see how in line this understanding of the world is with evidence-based literature or people I trust.
2. Does this belief or understanding actually allow me to make falsifiable predictions about the future or the state of the world, or does it merely give me the feeling of doing that while occupying space in my brain? [1]
Personally, this involved facing and digging into assumptions I had about the world that were given to me before I had a chance to form my own judgement of their validity. Beliefs about morality, societal expectations, and sexuality were at the top of the list but I fixed plenty of my perceptions of economic policies and government regulation. I will say this is an ongoing process, one that I think will never actually end - but it's allowed me to become much more sure of who I am and what I base my decisions on.
[0] - https://www.lesswrong.com/s/7gRSERQZbqTuLX5re
[1] - https://www.lesswrong.com/s/7gRSERQZbqTuLX5re/p/a7n8GdKiAZRX...
Every time I "forget" that I'm lactose intolerant, I pay for it in the bathroom and in my lower back for the next few days, even if I use lactase enzyme pills.
Keep away from all lactose for a week? Back is generally fine.
I thought I was allergic to so many foods, but I guess my gut ecosystem was just messed up. Eating loads of fermented foods everyday has allowed me to eat all the foods I thought I was allergic to again.
Of course, varies per person, but it may help.
I'm sensitive to lactose, but eating too much of anything in one sitting will give me horrendous breath, especially (red) meat and onions.
Omeprazole is required at this point.
There’s loads of ferments out there, just gotta find them and find ones you like so you’ll sustainably keep eating them. Consistency is key I think.
I usually just cook a mix of brown rice and lentils to spread on a plate and throw a bunch of these different fermented foods together on it, mix it all together and it’s delicious and ideal gut food.