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Ask HN: I hate to work with my colleague what shall I do?

3 points by bobnarizes ↗ HN
My colleague is a guy that make a lot pressure and everything is bad - he has a pessimist way of see everything He looks at each opportunity to make me feel bad and make fun of me. Every meeting with him is demotivating. I am loosing my patience. I don't know what to do... I'm an easy guy who loves what he does. Don't feel like arguing with him is the solution.

3 comments

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president
I would do the following in order:

1. Try talking to him about it. Maybe he'll change (doubtful, but worth a try).

2. If the above doesn't work, report to his/your boss or HR depending on the severity. Keep in mind if he is well-connected or protected in the company, this may backfire. Best case scenario is they force him to change or put him or you on a new team.

3. If the above doesn't work, then it demonstrates your company does not give a damn about you and your only option is to find a new job. As a bonus here, you could explore legal options if harassment from this employee is illegal (race or gender discrimination, etc).

lacbuddah
If he's American and you're not, or english is his first language and your's is not, it's probably a cultural thing and the chemistry is lost in translation. He's just "busting balls" "busting chops" or making fun of you because he wants you to make fun of him. Just make fun of him - find some common ground.

The pessimism, he wants someone to commiserate with, ie share complaints with. You should complain about something with him ie your girlfriend/wife, your mom, friend, commute to work, finding a parking spot, traffic, etc - just about anything. You'll see him listen to you complaint and become more friendly to you.

Give it a shot, sounds like your already in a bad place so you have nothing to lose. Hopefully this helps - good luck.

rishikdhar
You have already received couple of strong suggestions, excellent advise there you should try to incorporate.However, both of them are extrinsic rewards focused. When faced with external challenges (things outside of your mind or physiology) changing your outlook, circumstances or expectations in order to adapt to your situation is certainly a good way to handle it. I would only offer one suggestion - if this is an internal struggle by any chance. That would be to find your core empathy for yourself and your colleague, which means be compassionate to yourself and understand why is it bothering you so much. And be compassionate to the other person and try to determine what is driving their behavior. These are both hard things to do. I can't tell you how exactly to do that - but try reading a few books like "Dare to Lead" by Brene Brown or "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey. Good luck!