I don’t know what to do with life

Is it an option to take a "chill" job and take a break from climbing the ladder? Programmers are in such high demand, there are places where you can go and clock out at 5pm, take an hour for lunch and never take your work with you...as long as you're ok taking a pay cut.

My parents don’t care what I do... as long as I am happy I only enjoyed ai work but that requires statistics which isn’t my strong suit...

> I get stressed out from programming

Deleted code is debugged code. There is a fallacy that more lines of code means a better world. Why not try doing things that don't require coding skills, and try doing more point-and-click things. Personally I only code if I really have to and my livelihood depends on it (but luckily I can now afford not to code and focus on other things). I recently switched to doing social media marketing for a small handful of clients. It's good money for what is essentially managing a few Twitter & Facebook accounts :)

Don't worry too much about a career. Worry about being happy. Life isn't supposed to be about work. We work so we have money to live. Our identity should not be defined by how we earn income. I know that's easier said than done but we are more than what we do. I agree with heyoni, chill out awhile. Your overall well-being should be your top priority whenever feeling down. There isn't anything you HAVE to do.

Better title: "I don't know what to do with my life"

your problem seems to have little with your career and a lot with with your depression. I suggest that you visit https://brokenbrain.com/ to listen to what Dr Hyman has to say about the root causes of depression. And guess what... if you can find your root causes you can solve your depression.

Maybe you can work for a while for hotlines. For peoples who are in an extremesituation. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline maybe? So you can talk with people who think/feel same and maybe you have a solution for their problems. Maybe this could be a solution to your problem, too. Or invent a hotline for stressed programmers. Depressions can have different roots. When you know its because youre stressed by programming,then dont do it for money. Do it only for yourself and try something new. I now ask my self, what would they answear to you when you call them and ask for a job?

And if you had always been handed, maybe you should go on a trip. Go visit other countrys, see other peoples problems maybe you could solve, go see how they live. The whole world needs different solutions for many problems.

Another reason I enjoyed college was because money didn’t matter... it was the fun of working on problems with friends. It was fun

Why do you get stressed out from programming? Where are your team members? They should be there to give you support. And maybe you are trying to hard. You don't have to program at breakneck speed every day. I have a feeling you are being too hard on yourself and you are trying to write perfect code. Don't do that. Don't have an ego. Work with your team. Allow yourself to learn and get better, and learn how to take criticism. You are one of the luckiest people in the world to have the occupation that you have. Everyone else has so much more of a tedious, stressful and tiring work life. Appreciate your gifts and what you have.

I think I know what you mean about programming being stressful. It’s not the code per se but programming boils down to getting something with the intelligence of a fly (a computer) to anticipate all the needs (known or unknown) if users while coding in tech stacks that actively encourage things to go wrong, in a world where hackers are one step ahead of everyone, and if anything goes wrong you need to cycle up your brain to 100% to quickly fix it or the business is in trouble, while just being a salaried employee.

Even when working for a laid back company I feel stressed with all this.

I’m sure the same stress is in other jobs. Sales people have their targets and seem to get fired more easily. Support people deal with irate people all day.

Not sure how to solve your problem but if you can live more cheaply, try to do 30h a week or less, maybe figure out what kind of programming job would be less stressful, and scratch some side project itches in your spare time with friends. I reckon that might help.

As for the depression - go see a professional right away. That’s the #1 priority. Book it now.

Sounds like being burnt out. Which in turn leads to depression and all the negatives that go with it.

"Programming" is a very broad category. Since you enjoyed CS and working on problems at university, there could be specifics of your current work situation that are stressing you out. You could analyse your situation and identify which aspects are stressing you out. Is it the technical issues, the management's expectations, the lack of peer support, the constraints of the environment, etc?

Once you have identify what specifically causes the stress, you can plan changes that give you more of what you like and none of what causes you stress. And, yes, there is more to life than programming.

Get a road bike (I recommend a Cannondale CAAD12) and get into cycling... it'll change your whole perspective man.

This stuff is just bits and bytes - don't take it too seriously.

> I get depressed and think of killing myself...

Are you familiar with the State → Strategy → Story framework?

Before you can solve the work/career piece, get out of your mind and into your body.

Simple hack is transformative. > https://medium.com/@BogdanYZ/how-to-start-your-day-better-in...

Please seek help right away if you're thinking of killing yourself. Go see a professional.

If your depression is to the point that you think about killing yourself, the only thing you need to do is seek professional help.

No amount of job switching or career advice will fix that issue.

If you keep chasing the magic job that will make you feel fulfilled and content with life, you will spend your whole life searching.

Please go see a psychiatrist tomorrow. You are depressed. It’s a disease. They’ll give you treatment that’s appropriate. It will remove the bad feelings while you figure out the career stuff.

All you need to know about suicide is it's a fleeting thought that enters your mind usually after you've consumed a lot of alcohol/drugs, and if you don't call anybody to talk you down from doing something embarassing, you'll regret it, because everybody I've ever talked to who tried to kill themselves was completely embarassed and swore it wasn't them, it was just a temporary mental illness who ruled their existence for all of 30 minutes or so before they changed mood.

Anyway, if you enjoy solving problems go work for academia, they're always hiring programmers, they pay next to nothing, but you won't be stressed (unless you fuck up somebody's thesis) but otherwise it's pretty easy. I did it for 5 years and it was the best decision I ever made: working with post-docs and grad students bleeding information from them, total autonomy to do what you want, union position so impossible to get fired, you get a letter from the post-doc's shilling your abilities you can use for grad school. Look at your local universities for these positions, guaranteed no local student will take them because they don't pay enough.

Don't do anything stupid. You might want to quit your job and take some time off. Maybe even start a business.

Have you thought about breaking into Management/Business Analyst? If you like talking to people, solve problems, and have some programming experience I bet you will be an excellent asset for any company. Good luck.