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Ask HN: How Do You Relax?

7 points by markus_zhang ↗ HN
Background:

35+, married, no kid but may have one this/next year.

Career wise, I'm not completely satisfactory with what I have now (Data analyst). Salary is OK but I prefer more technical work as talking to other people over and over is not my expertise and takes too much of my energy away. Plus the hours is demanding, usually 50 hours per week.

So here is the situation that keeps me from relaxation: I need to learn new skills to transfer to more technical positions, but I'm not sure which one so I kind of spent a lot of time learning skills superficially and never go deep enough to make an impact (on reality or on CV). This brings a lot of anxiety and I simply cannot enjoy a good session of games or watch some movies. Every time I try to play a game or watch a movie, the thought of "you should learn skills instead of wasting time" comes up and fucks up everything.

In summary, being anxious so that I do not have patience on my study or relaxation. I don't even play games anymore, just watch longplays.

I'm wondering how do you guys deal with these emotions?

18 comments

[ 3.2 ms ] story [ 51.0 ms ] thread
_carl_jung
I'm lucky enough to find cooking enjoyable and relaxing. It's something you have to do every day, so getting good at it has turned that hour-ish slot every evening into a fun and relaxing experience.
markus_zhang
Yeah this could be both relaxing and rewarding if you are into it. Did you pick it up from childhood or got the click later?
_carl_jung
Much later. Actually only recently.
markus_zhang
Good luck, I'll probably never pick it up but I appreciate that you share the exp.
gt2
Start small! Boil some rice, make a protein salad (eggs, chicken + olives + lettuce etc), scramble a few eggs. Good luck to you.
jimmyvalmer
Take comfort in knowing that whatever "skills" you acquire now means nothing to an employer (perhaps yours) who can readily find them in far younger and cheaper recent grads who are much better trained in said skills. So kick back, relax, and play yo games. Anxiety is only justified if you can do something about it, which at 35+ with kid in the forecast, you cannot.
shams93
Brutal but real once you hit 45 it's really harsh the unemployment system also gets hard to use because nobody wants you it assumes a lack of age discrimination and also assumes the economy is always strong plus they haven't raised the ceiling for EDD since 1976 so there is a lot to be worried about if you're over the age of 22 these days .
markus_zhang
I wonder how other people deal with difficult situations like this (laid off at 45)...must be pretty tough to them. I'm not particularly worried about the finance because we have ourselves covered and do not have needs of luxury. What I really fear is the lack of interesting work to do from now on.

This is part of the reason that I need to find something that I can relax on and maybe grow a hobby out of it.

I have been teaching myself programming these days but the job is very demanding so I don't have much brain power left except for weekends.

Maybe I should regularly work out to increase energy level and go from there instead.

markus_zhang
I actually agree with you in general. However I still see a lot of people transfor to other positions at this age or older. In fact I myself transfered to this position at 35.

And there is also the danger od being layed off in future e g. when I'm 40 or 45.

travisporter
This is bleak. Surely there are some opportunities within the company to learn skills and transfer to another team. It saves them the trouble of the hiring process.
jimmyvalmer
OP can't even code. I agree hiring is expensive, but it can't possibly be as costly as transferring OP to a technical role.
travisporter
I think she/he can since they wanted a more technical role.
fargle
Honestly, learning new skills is what I do to relax.

1. Find something that sparks your interest; could be anything at all. For example, I constantly read HN, hackaday, etc. when I'm bored.

2. Duplicate it and perfect it. That LED cube you saw on hackaday, that X11 tutorial, that Arduino controlled coffeepot, whatever. These examples belie my interests, but you get the idea. Tip: start with something simple; it's always harder than it looks and in surprising ways.

3. Then wait for the magic. Inexplicably, that new skill you are growing will become surprisingly useful for some completely unpredictable, unconnected activity. Ah, you don't really need an LED cube, but maybe now you know how to make a better baby monitor with that Arduino.

4. Repeat, until you don't have time to be anxious or bored. Eventually, it can grow into a career or a lifelong interest.

Doing something concrete with your hands relieves stress. Learning relieves stress. Having kids puts everything in perspective. These are all positive, constructive things.

Watching TV and gaming, not so much. When I do too much of these, it makes me feel very much as the OP seems to feel.'

Don't learn new skills to progress in your career. Learn them to relax and to grow. Learn to measure yourself by your progress on these self-imposed challenges. And the career will take care of itself.

andrei_says_
Out of the mind and into the body: exercise, yoga, dance, slacklining, cooking, hiking in nature. Sex is great, too :)

Take your friends/kids to the beach and jump in the waves.

algaeontoast
Might not be a popular answer among common folk on HN, but for me, once a week I go to a shooting range and practice with my handgun.

I’m improving a skill, I have to be focused since I’m dealing with a firearm and most importantly I absolutely must relax AND focus in order to actually shoot accurately.

Occasionally I’ll go on a “members night” when other members at the range will bring rare or automatic (properly licensed) firearms to let others shoot. Some have very cool historical attributes or uniquely engineered features. Many members are also in software dev as well.

ifend
Flying RC helicopters.

Just got back into it after a 10+ year absence for almost the exact same reasons as you -- relax, get my mind off shit.

It's stressful as hell (in a good way) but you will clear your mind of everything once you're in the air (no time to think about work when you're trying not to nose dive $1000 into the ground).

oh, and the usual stuff: cooking, riding motorcycles, fishing...

Ascetik
Pipe Tobacco and a Book, or praying.