Ask HN: Depression at a New Startup
I started a new job a few months ago at a startup as an early stage engineer- the first engineering hire who's still on the team. I've made some powerful, cool infrastructure. The founders have been telling me how much they appreciate my work, that I got us through the busiest time of the year with my contributions, and that I am pivotal to the team.
It's nice, but I've got this awful feeling that's set into me. I feel like life doesn't have a point anymore- even though work is going well I'm not getting the satisfaction I thought I would have. Each day when waking up early all I want to do is just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, maybe listen to music. It's like a heavy, crushing weight and I feel like it's destroying me- sometimes I wish I wasn't here so I didn't have to feel this way.
I don't have any hobbies or friends outside of work I'm engaged with- last time I met with a friend was on my birthday a few months ago, and I haven't met them since.
At work, everyone still thinks I'm productive, but I feel like I'm working at a fraction of how effective I could be. I don't know how to get my productivity back and how to feel healthy again.
Have you ever had an encounter with depression in a startup? What did you do? How did you counteract the productivity losses? Thanks
2 comments
[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 13.5 ms ] threadFrom what you describe, you've thrown yourself into your work but you don't feel really challenged or stretched. You also seem to have devoted yourself to your work (a plus--I get it) while ignoring some areas of your life that seem important (friends, hobbies).
Balance is really a key here. Work drives us. It provides rewards that can be quantified. But it isn't everything. Make time for self-care. Take a break. Accept that stepping off the treadmill is ok (essential, in fact).
Take time. Laugh. Goof off. Focus on relaxing. The earth (and the start-up) will continue to spin without you for a few hours.
hug