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Ask HN: How do you deal with setbacks / frustrations and self-doubt ?

23 points by rand1234 ↗ HN
Hi Hn, sorry for the anon post, but i just can't post my actual profile as it is tied to my real identity.

i get a lot of work done, and then there are periods of no-work or complete procrastination. i know that a lot of people go through this cycle, but i need to deliver on time, and this leaves me with a lot to do in a short time [this has really been happening more often now] and it ends up in a lot of wasted time and wasted effort.

as a result, i have missed a lot of deadlines, that were pretty important, and i don't know whether i am capable of doing stuff in a proper timely manner anymore. i used to be able to atleast meet deadlines, but now even that seems to be slipping away from my grasp.

in short how do you [i] deal with this frustration, and the setbacks [missed contracts, connections, wasted time, fruitless efforts, etc] that spring up from time to time.

how do i remedy this ? i really have tried the whole GTD + organization/productivity p0rn, and still sometimes at the end of the day, i am unable to do any meaningful work.

what is the best way to deal with self-doubt ? i know a lot of people here say, "fake it till you make it" and i guess i have tried the approach a couple of times, and sometimes, just sometimes i feel like a fake/fraud. at other times i keep asking myself "do i deserve more ?" and its just a crazy spiral ?

tl/dr

how do you deal with frustration, and setbacks that your [in]actions cause ? how do you remedy [in]action? what is the best way to deal with self-doubt ? and questions such as do i deserve more ? when others less able and knowledgeable than you are breezing by effortlessly ?

i am a little bipolar

thanks.

9 comments

[ 4.3 ms ] story [ 30.8 ms ] thread
Jsarokin
I don't know the exact details of your situation, and I can't say I've ever experienced what you're going through but I think it can be boiled down to a simple question.

Are you doing what you love?

I think dealing with the frustrations is different for each person. You have to try things out and find what works for you.

This may be something you want to talk to a psychologist about.

fbea
Try having two things going for you at once. For example, lets say that you have a day job you should also indulge yourself in another hobby. When I procrastinate I like to overindulge myself in my hobbies until I feel sick of doing that hobby. Then I feel compelled to return to whatever work it was that I was doing. But, if you're missing deadlines, then maybe it's a sign that you should move onto something else that you would enjoy (that is unless you're a college student. Then you just have to suck it up).
khanm
the question you ask "do i deserve more ?" seems to really reach into the core of your problem. You may not believe in what you are doing at the present time.

The question you should really ask is why do you want to work? what do you want out of it?

Money?, Interest/passion? or a big ego?

whats the driving factor for you?

Its not really if you deserve it or not, you have more control over this than you think. Many people work ridiculous hours at work and get next to nothing in return. But they do it because they are not really in it for the money. Yes they get enough to pay the bills and save a penny here and there.

But they truly have found what they are passionate about and thats what gets them to wake up in the morning.

Or they love the fact that they are well known at work and have take pride in being a leader or mentor and show it when they can.

2cents

ncash
You are certainly not alone in this! The best way I've found to avoid burnout, even with things you enjoy, is to do things in a balanced manner and adopt good habits. Don't spend your life putting in tons of time squashing fires and then zonking out. Do your best to meet deadlines, but accept some consequences and transition towards a more balanced work ethic. Also, don't be too hard on yourself; that just fuels the paralysis. You are human like everyone else.

Read this: http://www.tophatmonocle.com/blog/2010/12/20/avoiding-burnou...

badkins
I agree that it sounds like burnout to me. I went through this almost a year ago in my day job. My solution was to take a month off without pay. I barely touched a computer over the whole month. I spent most of the time painting my house, and visiting family. Overall, I think it helped.
petervandijck
Do you work as an employee, or as a contractor/consultant?
rand1234
i am a college student, but i freelance quite a bit.
petervandijck
"what is the best way to deal with self-doubt ? and questions such as do i deserve more" -> therapy helps for some.