Ask HN: I got bad news about my housemate
I got bad news about housemate it's related to his work stress. Any advice for me please ?? News below is encoded due to its sensitive nature. Please only decode only if you are mentally strong.
bXkgaG91c2VtYXRlIGNvbW1pdHRlZCBzdWljaWRlIGxhc3QgbmlnaHQgOiggaXTigJlzIGhhcmQgdG8ga25vdyB3aHkuIGFwcGFyZW50IHJlYXNvbiBpcyB0aGF0IGhlIHdhcyBzdHJlc3NlZCBmcm9tIHdvcmtpbmcgZXZlcnlkYXkgZm9yIGxhc3QgNCB5ZWFycy4gSSBndWVzcyB0aGlzIGEgcmVtaW5kZXIgZm9yIGFsbCBvZiB1cyB0aGF0IHdlIG5lZWQgdG8gbG9vayBhZnRlciBvdXIgbWVudGFsIGhlYWx0aCBhbmQgc2VlayBoZWxwIGlmIHlvdSBhcmUgc3RyZXNzZWQuCg==
15 comments
[ 3.8 ms ] story [ 54.4 ms ] threadMy eldest daughter, that is an incredible bright and intelligent person was just where you are early January this year with her partner.
I eventually got tired of telling people that he was sick, that he was not to blame for his actions. And even rationalizing this is very difficult to not feel otherwise.
Stay strong, seek company, don't blame yourself.
Have a nice day.
> my housemate committed suicide last night :( it’s hard to know why. apparent reason is that he was stressed from working everyday for last 4 years. I guess this a reminder for all of us that we need to look after our mental health and seek help if you are stressed.
I don't understand why OP chose to provide his message this way but I think it's good to respect his wishes here while he's processing the event. He put a certain amount of trust into the community and it's possible that having community members post the plaintext like this would give him additional regret.
What a shame and a total waste; it takes away a person's every future possibility.
Things are very rarely ever that bad.
No job is worth it.
No circumstances are worth it.
No relationship is worth it.
No property is worth it.
No funk is worth it.
Progressive incurable/debilitating conditions maybe.
When someone is depressed, they tend to experience one or more of these changes:
- Cognitive distortions (including over-catastrophizing and assuming the worst) - Miscalibrated/misinterpreted orders-of-magnitude about how good or bad things seem. Inflict a mild setback on someone who is depressed, it can seem life-ending to them. (Ask me how I know.)
- All-or-nothing (black & white) thinking - Little nuance. Also, tends to lack a sense of humor and be dramatic as well.
- Hyper-vigilance / paranoia - Anxious all the time. Easily startled. "That shadow over there might get me." "There's snipers on that roof over there, I know it."
- Less situational awareness
- Looking at the ground more
- Less eye-contact with others
- Avoiding social interactions
- Less time outdoors during the daytime
- Sleeping more
- Sleep pattern disturbances
- Sensitivities to light/sound
- Eating less or more (losing/gaining weight)
- Unhealthy diet
- Wearing darker clothes
- Less attention to appearance/grooming
- Not exercising
Life ProTip(TM): When life seems down, get a pet (if you can properly house, water, feed, groom, and meet their attention and veterinary needs. And be sure you know how much time, money and work you're getting into... and puppies and cats like to chew and explore.)
Between the ages of about 8 and 27, I vividly-fantasized about self-termination quite often in a myriad of methods.
I suspect that may be because you have something else in your life that you value. Thing is there's plenty of people that have no friends, no family, no possession. Nothing to value other then little meager work they do.
Take that away, and what would someone like that have left?
In Mental Health First Aid (MHFA), we use the acronym ALGEE in supporting people: - Assess - Listen non judgementally - Give encouragement and support - Encourage professional support - Encourage self-help and other support
You can apply this to self-care as well.
I’d encourage you to be aware of your feelings and emotions over the next few weeks and months. Assess what you are feeling. You can find thoughts re-emerge at odd moments, and your emotions changing. That’s normal and OK.
Finding someone who will listen, without judging you or your housemate, is important. They don’t need to be trained, but they do need to listen without bringing themselves and their feelings and views into the conversation.
In the UK there are organisations such as Samaritans and Shout 85258 (Crisis Text Line in USA) with people trained in how to listen, email or message as support, particularly for those in crisis, but also for those who need someone to listen. There are also specialist support groups for those who have experienced bereavement by suicide such as https://uksobs.org/ who also provide guidance on support after suicide https://uksobs.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Support-after-.... See what is available where you are.
Depending on how you are doing, you may need or want to get other professional support.
Be kind to yourself.