Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

Be here and now. Talk to people you normally wouldn't talk to. Do things without needing justifications. Be an absolute clown for a day, or just do something really crazy (ie. involuntarily funny) without justifying it to anybody. Notice what piques your curiosity and engagement, and pursue some whims of fancy. Notice variations of feelings and how they play with the rest of mind-body system and vica versa.

So here's my very simple, steeped in wisdom, two word advice: dream bigger.

Once, my then girlfriend was telling me that she was having trouble at work and always felt bad asking people for help. I gave her advice that had really helped me - which was to not worry about it and ask, ask, ask for help! It's the most efficient way, and all that.

My natural inclination is to never ask for help and figure it out myself. That can wind up taking me ten times as long to figure stuff out, so for me, really pushing to ask for help balances my natural tendencies and, if I try to ask for what seems like lots and lots of help, it'll wind up being about right.

My then girlfriend, on the other hand, was already inclined to ask for help. She was rightly worried that she was annoying other people and asking for too much help and I, though well meaning, gave her exactly the wrong advice and pushed her to keep doing exactly the wrong thing. The advice she needed was the exact opposite of what I needed. This is a specific example of how you can't really give advice to people without understanding them and their problems.

To go back to koans (which I quite like) - if you meet the Buddha, kill him. Meaning: you can't listen to other people to find enlightenment, it has to come from within you. Other people cannot tell you what you need to know, only you can do that.

And, of course, I'm not an enlightened guru living a perfect life or anything. I try my best. I think about problems and take steps to solve them.

This is something that may enrich your life, but I wouldn't rely solely on volunteering and charity. They should be part of life, but your yearning is more personal than that.

In San Francisco or Seattle, Google "soup kitchen volunteer {city}".

Low commitment, no special skills required. Go try it. Talk to the other people there. Ask where else they volunteer. You can literally google this today and help this week.

Are you following Black Lives Matter? Get involved at the local level. Research your police department and social services funding for your city. Really dig into the details. Find organizing groups there that are working to enact real change through fiscal policies.

Paint smiley faces or flowers on small stones and randomly leave them on sidewalks around your town. No more than one every few blocks. Never check on them again.

Study karma.

Learn how to adjust your presence to uplift the people you pass by. Positive comments, compliments, and even learning how to hope for someone’s recovery when they insult you.

Call a local publicly funded organization and ask if they have volunteer opportunities.

I went through this as well. 10 years ago I was at the peak of a career but missing purpose. I rededicated my life to serving other people. It has given me a whole new lease on existence, and I can't recommend it enough. It really feels better to give than to receive!

The short, overly simplistic answer is that all you need to do to rededicate yourself to a life of helping people is to listen and learn to what they need. Volunteering is a good way to learn about people who need help, but it's not the only way. Volunteering in person can be tough right now because of COVID, but there are some things you can do online, and if you have a bit of patience you could wait until in-person volunteering picks back up again and then establish some goals for yourself (e.g., "volunteer at least 3 days each month for 6 months")

Outside of volunteering, you could take time to listen to and learn about people who you think might need help. Depending on your geography, those might be different folks.

If the things above STILL don't work for you, you could do something that is maybe slightly more dangerous, but still can work. Flip it around and look for things to be outraged by. Things you can't stand. Mass deforestation. Racial injustice. Human trafficking. 1000 other injustices to choose from. And then get active! (Be cautious with this one -- rage alone isn't productive -- you have to mix your outrage with your proactive strengths and positive energies too!)

In my case, I ended up discovering my passion for helping low-income youth prepare for careers, which became my full-time focus and it's been a true privilege to work on.

Check out the Bill Gates documentary on Netflix if you haven't. One notable thing he does is he picks up a lot of books on the problems faced by the world.

Personally, I'd love to help out the average person. People in my area are underpaid and have terrible working conditions - the average "senior" programmer makes a little over $1,000/month and most end up in dead end jobs with few opportunities. There's also people in more remote areas, who are paid too little to find a better job, and labor laws are barely sustainable anymore.

As someone who has implemented what you wanted, maybe you can help others do the same. Instead of giving soup to homeless people, you can give them a reasonable goal to strive for.

Good luck! I feel you will hit upon something worth while.

Total cost is 100-200k depending on the program, including living expenses. Most people borrow that.

My biggest piece of advice would be to not let go of your career too soon. It's tough taking classes and working a full time job simultaneously but I think it's really important to make sure that you can handle that kind of work load and that this is a change you really want to make before giving up your livelihood. It might take you an extra year in your post-bacc but IMO the extra year of financial security and time to figure out the correct path is just worth it... I think what's tough about the PA route is that many programs require applicants to already have thousands of hours of patient contact before applying. This likely means that you will have to find some kind of job in health care prior to applying for a PA program... If I were you, before I set my heart on a PA program I would take a good hard look at nursing programs, NP programs, and MD/DO programs because you can get accepted into those types of schools without having the same kind of professional background a PA school require of you. With that said, if my heart was still set on PA, I would probably try to go for some kind of certificate or associates program first in something like respiratory therapy, pathology/radiology/laboratory tech, or EMT/paramedicine in order to move into the healthcare space with some kind of skill/career prospects before quitting my tech job. Then you can get the hours you need and take any classes the programs your interested in require of you while also confirming that you do indeed want to be a PA. That whole process, from making a plan to finishing your PA program could probably be done in 5 years which, when you consider how long medical school is, doesn't seem too bad. Especially, if you are able to stay in a lucrative profession before beginning PA school.

This is just my two cents. I am by no means an expert but I am at the end of my third and final year of post-bacc classes and I have spent a lot of time thinking about which path out of a tech and into healthcare makes the most sense.

PA is a tough program, and very competitive today; it's not much different from med school (shorter, though).

I'm not sure if PA programs offer a medical masters program, but many med schools do: a 24 month degree program featuring two semesters of coursework that is identical to the first year of medical school followed by two semesters of other stuff including thesis. Usually people do it to prove to themselves and to med schools that they have what it takes; it significantly improves their chances of admission. Probably would help with PA as well. I wish I had done a medical masters degree and that would have helped me either pass med school, or realize it wasn't for me!

PA is also different in that it is rooted in the Vietnam era, giving a pathway to war medics who have lots of field experience but lack the schooling and credentials of med school. To get into PA school, you're expected to have around 1,000 hours of field work -- volunteering, EMT, nursing, etc. This may have changed recently, but was true 10-12 years ago for sure.

I've spoken to quite a few M.D.s who said they wish they had chosen PA -- a shorter path, less stress, and very satisfying.

The tricky part (for me at least) is the memorization. After 20 years of working in a field where I can look up everything I need to know, suddenly I had to commit thousands of data points to memory to pass a test (then promptly forget the data afterwards). It's an archaic system.

Anyway you'll have to find a way to memorize and regurgitate. If you can do that, the rest is just common sense.

I wish you the very best and I'll leave you with a quote from the man himself:

"Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting."

From my experience the answer comes when you least expect it, you might not even recognize it unless you keep an open mind.