How is mathematical exploration and discovery related to asking a fellow student, whom you don't know, through e-mail, on a date?
If I were in your shoes I wouldn't have sent any more e-mails after not receiving a response from them. It confuses me how you thought what happens afterwards was appropriate. In fact, I wouldn't even have made the first e-mail about a date at all.
Your blog post and your reaction to the whole situation shows how immature you are/were.
So, IOWs, here's something you ought had learnt:
a) A lack of reply in this context should be interpreted as a "no" or "I'm not interested.";
b) If you cross paths AFK and there's eye contact but no engagement: you do NOT e-mail the person especially after the previous point - that may be considered harrassment to some people and that's probably why you were labeled as problematic;
c) If you are angry about the whole thing instead of furthering the damage refocus it on something productive and move on with your life;
d) Comply with the faculty's sanctions next time - don't be a smart ass;
e) Don't make these "let's discuss research" about dates, like, at all!
Your naiveté came at a great cost for your career. Think with your upper head next time.
All these strict (implicit) social rules are ridiculous, and I am not interested in that kind of toxic environment, where a simple question results in inter personal conflict.
I also don't care what you think about my maturity or social ability.
A mature adult would have been able to respond with a message saying that dating is not appropriate, and a mature adult would have still been able to talk about math after saying that dating is inappropriate.
To me, it seems more like the other person is immature and not capable of engaging in a constructive situation.
Anyway, over analyzing a simple email with a question is a bit unnecessary, and it was the opposite of productive. The productive thing to do would have been to simply acknowledge the situation and divert towards mathematics. What annoyed me is that none of the university faculty was able to do so.
I actually provided an extremely productive path of discussion via my mathematics called Grassmann.jl which could have taken the center stage of discussion, instead I was suspended and sanctioned and nobody acknowledged my mathematical contribution to the discussion.
I provided the opportunity for productivity via my mathematical inquiry, but it was ignored in favor of inter-personal conflict (over a simple question) on the side of the university.
>All these strict (implicit) social rules are ridiculous, and I am not interested in that kind of toxic environment, where a simple question results in inter personal conflict.
You can't really expect navigating a world where everything is laid out just for you. That's not how it works. The faster you learn this the less you'll suffer. There's a hint of entitlement here that you should probably fix as well.
>I also don't care what you think about my maturity or social ability.
Of course you do, you made a blog post about it, posted on Hacker News and you replied to posters on your thread. All your prose suggests bitterness. Stop being bitter about it and move on with your life. Seek therapy if you feel it's overwhelming you. It has been 2 years now. [0]
>A mature adult would have been able to respond with a message saying that dating is not appropriate, and a mature adult would have still been able to talk about math after saying that dating is inappropriate.
She didn't acknowledge you because you made the e-mail about a date. Had you not made it about a date MAYBE things would have turned out different. But you were too focused on something that's not mathematics to think straight.
>To me, it seems more like the other person is immature and not capable of engaging in a constructive situation.
Take responsibility for your own actions. Admit you were wrong, LEARN from it and move on. Do I have to remind you that YOU e-mailed her first about discussing research and make a date out of it? YOU e-mailed her after you saw her at that public lecture knowing that she didn't previously acknowledge you?
It's not up to the other party to tell you how to behave. She's not your parent.
>Anyway, over analyzing a simple email with a question is a bit unnecessary, and it was the opposite of productive. The productive thing to do would have been to simply acknowledge the situation and divert towards mathematics. What annoyed me is that none of the university faculty was able to do so.
There's no over analyzation here. You made your intentions pretty clear with your first e-mail to her. You should have worded it differently and actually make the "research discussion" about actual research and not a date.
I'm sorry things turned out wrong for you, but I don't feel sympathy for you after you lashed out at faculty like that. Next time, refocus your anger to something productive and not destructive. Just look at how that turned out for you.
> Next time, refocus your anger to something productive and not destructive.
I did do something productive, I have created a mathematics software which has impacted hundreds of scientists. This work is enabling and will continue to enable many people to perform collaborative research not previously possible.
> But you were too focused on something that's not mathematics to think straight.
That is incorrect, I actually was so extremely focused on mathematics to the point that it intimidated most people. It's more of the opposite, I was so focused on mathematics that I did not think straight about non-mathematical things.
> move on with your life
the act of sending the email which caused the suspension was me moving on with my life... so I'm way ahead of you, it was an act of moving on from the get go
the reason why I posted this is to share a story and provide insight into my life
10 comments
[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 38.6 ms ] threadThe feminazi apparati found you.
If I were in your shoes I wouldn't have sent any more e-mails after not receiving a response from them. It confuses me how you thought what happens afterwards was appropriate. In fact, I wouldn't even have made the first e-mail about a date at all.
Your blog post and your reaction to the whole situation shows how immature you are/were.
So, IOWs, here's something you ought had learnt:
a) A lack of reply in this context should be interpreted as a "no" or "I'm not interested.";
b) If you cross paths AFK and there's eye contact but no engagement: you do NOT e-mail the person especially after the previous point - that may be considered harrassment to some people and that's probably why you were labeled as problematic;
c) If you are angry about the whole thing instead of furthering the damage refocus it on something productive and move on with your life;
d) Comply with the faculty's sanctions next time - don't be a smart ass;
e) Don't make these "let's discuss research" about dates, like, at all!
Your naiveté came at a great cost for your career. Think with your upper head next time.
I also don't care what you think about my maturity or social ability.
A mature adult would have been able to respond with a message saying that dating is not appropriate, and a mature adult would have still been able to talk about math after saying that dating is inappropriate.
To me, it seems more like the other person is immature and not capable of engaging in a constructive situation.
Anyway, over analyzing a simple email with a question is a bit unnecessary, and it was the opposite of productive. The productive thing to do would have been to simply acknowledge the situation and divert towards mathematics. What annoyed me is that none of the university faculty was able to do so.
I actually provided an extremely productive path of discussion via my mathematics called Grassmann.jl which could have taken the center stage of discussion, instead I was suspended and sanctioned and nobody acknowledged my mathematical contribution to the discussion.
I provided the opportunity for productivity via my mathematical inquiry, but it was ignored in favor of inter-personal conflict (over a simple question) on the side of the university.
You can't really expect navigating a world where everything is laid out just for you. That's not how it works. The faster you learn this the less you'll suffer. There's a hint of entitlement here that you should probably fix as well.
>I also don't care what you think about my maturity or social ability.
Of course you do, you made a blog post about it, posted on Hacker News and you replied to posters on your thread. All your prose suggests bitterness. Stop being bitter about it and move on with your life. Seek therapy if you feel it's overwhelming you. It has been 2 years now. [0]
>A mature adult would have been able to respond with a message saying that dating is not appropriate, and a mature adult would have still been able to talk about math after saying that dating is inappropriate.
She didn't acknowledge you because you made the e-mail about a date. Had you not made it about a date MAYBE things would have turned out different. But you were too focused on something that's not mathematics to think straight.
>To me, it seems more like the other person is immature and not capable of engaging in a constructive situation.
Take responsibility for your own actions. Admit you were wrong, LEARN from it and move on. Do I have to remind you that YOU e-mailed her first about discussing research and make a date out of it? YOU e-mailed her after you saw her at that public lecture knowing that she didn't previously acknowledge you? It's not up to the other party to tell you how to behave. She's not your parent.
>Anyway, over analyzing a simple email with a question is a bit unnecessary, and it was the opposite of productive. The productive thing to do would have been to simply acknowledge the situation and divert towards mathematics. What annoyed me is that none of the university faculty was able to do so.
There's no over analyzation here. You made your intentions pretty clear with your first e-mail to her. You should have worded it differently and actually make the "research discussion" about actual research and not a date.
I'm sorry things turned out wrong for you, but I don't feel sympathy for you after you lashed out at faculty like that. Next time, refocus your anger to something productive and not destructive. Just look at how that turned out for you.
[0] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumination_(psychology)
I did do something productive, I have created a mathematics software which has impacted hundreds of scientists. This work is enabling and will continue to enable many people to perform collaborative research not previously possible.
> But you were too focused on something that's not mathematics to think straight.
That is incorrect, I actually was so extremely focused on mathematics to the point that it intimidated most people. It's more of the opposite, I was so focused on mathematics that I did not think straight about non-mathematical things.
> move on with your life
the act of sending the email which caused the suspension was me moving on with my life... so I'm way ahead of you, it was an act of moving on from the get go
the reason why I posted this is to share a story and provide insight into my life