I dealt with depression when I was younger, and being completely isolated due to the current world situation has brought it back. I am situationally depressed from a lack of human contact. I feel awful on a regular basis, and I wish more people would come out and just say it now. It's not rare or precious or embarrassing, it's just being human.
Essentially the exact same story here. I knew I'd regress as soon as I heard the phrase "social distancing". I am receiving therapy but there is only so much a therapist can do without the ability to fix the underlying problem.
I was always pretty good at being a loner and my current situation I’m not living alone but man it’s weird that things like not going inside the grocery store anymore make me feel like a part of the human experience is missing. Seeing the country (US) about to plunge into new depths this winter with no leadership is hard to stomach.
I'm not depressed, the weird effect the pandemic has had on me is that not much really changed for me. I do high power rocketry for a hobby so i haven't been able to attend launches but that's about it. I don't get to eat out but my wife and I both have been wanting to stop eating out for a while. I've always been wfh so no change there either. Kids are home more doing school through zoom but that's not a big deal either. :shrug:
I was just talking to a friend about how deep my depression has gotten. It's at the point now where I'm too scared to go to sleep at night because I know it means I have to wake up and do another day.
Congratulations on talking to a friend about it. That's a huge step and an uncomfortable one. Have you managed to speak to a medical professional? With depression that deep, it's definitely worth a try - there are things that can give you respite.
I was suicidally depressed in 2017. A combination of medication, CBT, talk therapy and the love and care of other helping professionals got me better. I've never felt better. It gets better. My email is in my user info.
I wasn't suicidal in 2017, but every day felt like a literal nightmare, I hated living, every day was pain, and I didn't care if I lived or died. Today I'm happy and healthy. You can get out. Email is also in profile.
It's a weird place to be. Nothing matters. I got past the pain into a peaceful place. The state of California kept sending me a tax bill for $4,000 that I threw away. Eventually they seized my bank account and with penalties took out $12,000. My reaction was that it was interesting that they did that. It felt like I was watching someone else's life, maybe someone on TV.
Im no Psychiatrist but your description sounds like derealization which amongst other things is a symptom of depression. I would recommend consulting your doctor about this.
Tomorrow's another day of trying to get better. It's not who you are, it's an illness that can perpetuate and dissipate. Every day is a project to get closer to the latter. Talking helps a shit load, but friends and family can't help you as much as you can, and the talking is you helping yourself.
I don’t know your situation and I certainly don’t think your situation is the same as mine, but I had suicidal thoughts until this past January. I didn’t have hope. I thought the way I was was the way I would always be. I thought most of the people in my life would better off freed from the burden of me. But I found relief that I thought I’d never feel. I don’t know if you will find relief, but I have hope for you. I didn’t have anyone to talk to and that was the hardest part; feeling alone, so I want you to know I’d love to talk. Please reach out. We can text, email, phone, zoom–if there is anything you are comfortable with know that I am here and I WANT to talk with you. You don’t have to, but you can.
I periodically suffer from what assume are symptoms of depression, but I can usually pinpoint the triggers that caused them (a lengthy social media session filled with large amounts of scrolling reviewing dozens of happy families hugging and kissing each other, a missed deadline that I'm emotionally connected to, a hangover, rainy weather, etc.)
Although I don't do this every time I suffer from the symptoms, usually a high intensity workout of some sort (a relatively fast 2 to 3 mile (or further) run, 45-60 min lifting session of fast paced lifts with super sets, etc.) will almost instantly "cure" my symptoms.
I can probably do some research or go see a doctor to confirm whether what I experience is anything potentially connected to depression, but I just haven't been motivated to and again, can usually fix what I'm feeling with a workout. Not really sure how to proceed, if at all...
I feel like I'm in the same boat. Am I making poor decisions and rationalizing the resultant pain as depression, or am I depressed and blaming myself over it?
I badly need my three year old to be in kindergarten so my wife can have six hours a day of just one child and possibly claim back part of our house and energy levels from the abyss.
I feel you, myself I have two toddlers (2, 4) that was a life change for me. Responsibility, scream, lack of sleep, inability to what I used to do to get some energy boost. Which escalated during working from home.
No advice from my side, as I haven't found any good way. Take care,
6 and 3 year old. I feel bad about comments like this. Kids are the greatest gift and I cherish every second with them. Getting to spend more time at home with them has been a god send. I feel like so much of this comes from a lack of control when people feel (for some reason) like they should be able to "control" their kids. Maybe let go of the control thing and just enjoy your time with them?
There are tons of reasons to be having a hard time with kids at home during the pandemic. I don’t know if trying to control them is even in the top five for most parents.
This is true and I relish being able to work from home have extra time with my kids and also it seems that on most days I can get 4 hours of work done and 8 hours of sleep or 8 hours of work and 4 hours of sleep. So either my work has to suffer or my health has to suffer or what has actually happened is they have both suffered.
We are not talking about control here (two toddlers - 1.5 and 4.5 here). We are talking about diaper changes, cooking, feeding, putting to bed, online classes, entertaining them because they can't be outside with kids their own age, tantrums, and usual baby stuff. Doing work full-time and taking care of babies full-time is leading to a lot of depression and loss of concentration on the work-front.
God - we are all in the same boat. I have a 4.5 and a 1.5 year old. I can work 2-3 hours in the morning and then I have to push all my work to late evening and I stay up till 1 am completing before waking up early to help with cleaning, cooking, and then caring for the kids.
Can't wait for daycare and montessori to re-open :(
Commentor I replied to did not write +1. 0800 is also a likely prefix for such a helpline in the UK, for example, probably many countries.
(But really it was just a facetious comment to highlight that 'national' is pretty useless on an international website, without context to help anyway.)
Keep in mind that calling this phone number literally just has police/ambulance sent to your location to 5150 you and put you in an involuntary 3 day psych hold.
You're just better off just voluntarily commiting yourself to a psych center than calling this number. Unfortunately reality, honestly.
Yes, it can be upwards of tens of thousands for the initial 5150 - the ambulance ride (in which you'll likely have two of - one to a hospital, one to a ward) can be $1500 alone.
And, because we're in the U.S., if you do have slightly decent insurance, a fair amount of centers people will be sent to will literally work to keep you in there as long as your insurance keeps paying. It's an absolutely special sort of fucked up that doesn't have a fraction of the light shed upon it that it should.
I've been friends with more than one person that have worked in psych wards for more than a year and the blatant fraud they tell me of is just insane.
Personally it's the pandemic and the ensuing financial stress and isolation that came from it. I haven't hung out with any of my friends in eight months due to a combination of those factors.
As someone who has suffered from depression in the past, I'd like to borrow Steven Fry's words on depression:
“You don’t get depressed because bad things happen to you. . .depression is something that happens like weather to you, it’s inside you. . .it’s not enough to talk yourself out of it by saying, ‘but I shouldn’t be depressed because I’ve got people who are nice to me’. . .It’s very important, at least to get that stage of it out of the way, to recognise it as a mood disorder, as something that is akin to weather.”
I feel like there is a lot of confusion between "Shit Life Syndrome" and depression, and to the people suffering from either I'm not sure the difference is much of a consolation.
I had to put down my childhood dog down today. He was with me every day throughout my depression. It's awful, it hurts and I'll never be able to replace the role that dog played in my life. I don't feel depressed though, I feel distraught.
I'm lucky enough to have lived an incredibly privileged life, with a stable family, excellent education and opportunities etc. so today is the worst I've felt in ages. With that in mind, I don't feel like I can lay claim to even "Shit Life Syndrome", I live in a country that has nearly eradicated COVID, I have a strong support base among family friends and coworkers.
With all that in mind, all I want to drive home is that if you're depressed, you don't need a reason. Though if you do have reasons you could have depression or you could not (I'm never going to tell someone the way they feel is invalid), either way I hope everyone out there is looking after themselves as best they can.
But it often has a connection with your current circumstances, no? I mean, I bet most inmates are kinda depressed right? And most people living in villas in Venice California aren't as depressed. I'm using extreme examples, I know.
There are things which can contribute to depression: stress, lack of agency etc.
But they won't cause depression in everyone, while someone who is susceptible to depression will fall into depression without those - but they make it more likely.
In hindsight your early 20s are a lot more fungible than it seems at the start. 20-25 you can really do a lot of the same things. Heck, even your 30s you can do a lot more than you think you can when you're looking forward from 20.
Also keep in mind that everyone your age is in the same boat this year.
I answered yes, even though I suspect I am not clinically depressed and nowhere near the levels of some posters on here.
But compared to the average person, I definitely appear depressed/emo/sad/tired.
And if you were to talk to me in a conversation, I would inevitably drag the conversation (like I am doing now) to be all about my woes, regrets, and how I find living in one of the best first-world cities to be "sad" and lacking of purpose. I will also cynically suggest that everyone else seems so happy and normal, that no one else really has problems. Then you might start to find me off-putting, impolite, condescending, all of which are actually just unwanted side-effects of my symptoms manifesting in social situations; after the conversation ends, I will surely start to ruminate and regret what I said, realizing that I am a PoS for having left a piece of negative energy in the world, and that the world would be better without my negativity. But since everyone in this thread is chiming in about their situation, I feel perfectly at home, because now I don't feel like the odd one out.
Indeed. I wish there was more nuance here. This has been the second worst year of my 39 years on this planet... but, with that said, I'm not depressed, just kind of shitty.
It's a complex issue and reducing it to a "yes/no" questions doesn't live up to it, is what you mean.
Having said that, just taking a simple poll like this is a great starter, I think. Simplified, but very clear and understandable result and also: Easy to conduct.
I'm not a doctor, of course, but for those who are depressed, but where it's not debilitating, or where you are not suffering from some kind of clinical depression where you need medical attention, I highly recommend that you immediately purchase the book "Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life" by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, and put that information into practice as soon as you can.
Thanks for the recommendation. Do you have personal experience with this book? Do you mind sharing your thoughts on the book as well as the practice of mindfulness meditation?
I can't speak for the book, but I was a participant in a mindfulness study a decade ago. The biggest thing about it, I've taken, is that you recognize your feelings and acknowledge how they are causing you to behave. It doesn't transform you into an emotionless monk, but rather aims to make you aware (or mindful) of how you and your actions are being motivated through your emotions and non-awareness. For example, a mindfulness-driven diet would place emphasis on cultivating awareness of mindless snacking and aim to make you aware that you don't actually need to be eating at the moment - you are just snacking out of boredom or instinct.
With regard to emotion, like I said, mindfulness isn't meant to eliminate emotions, or even eliminate negative emotions. If something makes you mad or angry, you may carry that emotion into later tasks. Mindfulness is about recognizing the anger, acknowledging it, but understanding not to project onto other things.
There's probably more to it, but I was trained in mindfulness by proxy of martial arts (that was the study) [1]. I never studied it outright and only took a Mindfulness Attention Awareness Scale survey a few times over a few years. The paper I linked might give you some ideas on what mindfulness is.
My personal experience with the book, and mindfulness in general, is that it has significantly transformed my life for the better. I say that despite the fact that my practice of mindfulness has been pretty poor, but I keep working on it.
I don't subscribe to what I would call woo woo thinking or philosophy, so I was pretty skeptical at first. However, the fact that this book was written by a medical doctor helped me overcome my skepticism. My initial attempts at mindfulness meditation, however unskilled it was, sealed the deal.
It has been incredibly helpful (beyond what I originally thought was possible) to use the techniques of mindfulness to be able to notice the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing, without judgement, and then gently, and purposely direct my attention towards something more positive or peaceful. I use the techniques, even if just a little bit, every day. It's helped my emotional self-regulation, my relationships, and my ability to focus on work. It's helped me cope with pain, and maintain resilience even when I was feeling particularly low.
There are lots of wonderful books on this subject. Another great one is "Happiness" by Matthieu Ricard (another scientist). Sam Harris talks about mindfulness extensively, so you might check his work, and his app (although the app is a paid service).
I'll also add a suggestion for Martin Seligman's "Learned Optimism" [0]. A mindfulness practice on self-talk (along with giving up sugar and reducing carbs) has made a huge difference on managing my mental health.
I wish more people here could read/listen to some of Dr Burns works, I think his approach to feeling good is a lot like debugging and testing. He gets patients to identify times they feel bad, and what they were doing and thinking when it started, then pick one specific item and work on it to try and help with it - not fixing "depression" as a whole problem, but helping someone get past "I feel hopeless when I think about my future", and then the next one, and the next one, until they feel good.
He starts with testing where the patient rates their feelings such as sadness, anxiety, depression, etc. on a scale of 1-10 before every therapy session, then works through one of these events of bad feelings - what triggers it, why, trying different techniques to help get past it, and finishes a couple of hours later with the same test to see if the symptoms improved. Test-driven therapy, honing in on techniques which help people feel better quickly, and rejecting those which don't.
His more recent work is on identifying and unhooking the thought patterns which resist change, which say "I deserve to be miserable" or "I should feel guilty it's my fault", or "my boss is superior so I have to feel inferior" and then developing techniques to change those.
It's a very practical kind of therapy - not ten years of talking, not digging through a lifetime of history, or making grand diagnoses, but what can help you feel better about a specific thing next week, this week, today?
A person needs a will to live, so to speak, a purpose. While a higher purpose might be achievable through helping others or religion or whatever, you can also distract yourself and have a really cool time by doing cool shit. And that's motorcycles. It's feeling the breeze and the road changing and the temperature go down as you go into a forest, it's smelling the sea and feeling the breeze in your face, it's the speed and the bit of danger and the fact that you're part of that curve, you're not just steering a wheel, you're committed to it. And it's camping at the end of a long day riding, and riding with your buddies, discovering new roads just because they're twisty. And it's working on your motorcycle or being part of a club, or a group of weekend rider friends. It's a hobby, and it's a cool one at that.
And for as long as I've had one, not one bad weekend can't be fixed by a short ride.
I've been off anti-depressants for a few months, having been on SSRIs for about a year.
I mostly feel fine off my meds, though lately I am finding it harder to stay positive. Random negative thoughts surface more often, and it's difficult at times to deal with them. I think the current situation with lockdown and covid is having a toll on my mental health.
I'm not depressed, but I'm scared I may end up depressed again...
suicide hotlines are not the cure all that they are presented to be. 'just talk it out bro' really is not the answer a lot of the time. there are plenty of entirely rational reasons to kill yourself.
We're not in the best decade either. Surely it makes things harder when very often you consider climate catastrophe, collapse, post pandemic economics. Your mental strength is seriously challenged.
Someone told me about talklife app. Never tried it but for english speakers it might be of use.
Also more and more I think it's good to cut off if possible, time off in the green is surprisingly "replenishing".
I'm not depressed. Shit happens sometimes, but overall, it beats a lot of things that people have gone through in History.
Anytime I start feeding bad, I either go for a walk to get the blood flowing, or I realized that in 1914, teenagers were drafted and thrown into a trench to fight and die for 4 years. After that was said and done, the survivors got to experience the Spanish Flu, which killed more people than they meat grinder war they just survived. After a nice 12 year break (0 years if they were a farmer), they got to experience the Great Depression for 12 or so years, followed by WWII, which managed to be even more horrific than the first one.
This is true but it also doesn't invalidate the struggles of anyone who's experiencing depression in modern times. Not saying you were trying to do that but I just want to say that for anyone who reads this and feels like their own struggle isn't valid.
When my wife uses this line of reasoning I point out that she's taking solace in other people's pain. It's kind of a joke, but it's also kind of true. Don't need to minimize your own suffering just because someone else suffered more.
I feel this way as well. I have moments of being stuck in my house with my great family and say “man I’m tired of the pandemic” or “my kids are acting crazy”. Then I remember the lives of others, not just men who were drafted in the wars but their wives who had to make a living and raise their children in a time that it wasn’t so easy for them. I also think of other countries where people aren’t stuck in a house but a shack with 5 others and have to go out and do dangerous work.
Not invalidating that there are people with depression that I could never understand. I also realize some people are very alone and don’t understand why. BUT if your biggest problem is that you are stuck in your house or apartment over in Silicon Valley or NYC playing video games or reading books, I have a hard time being sympathetic. Things could be much much worse.
I suffer from borderline personality disorder and it's rough but usually treatable with lots of therapy and learning of "skills."
The covid crisis made my issues boil over to the point of losing relationships, friendships and attempting to take my own life twice (before I found the therapist).
A be less alone chat sounds like an awesome idea! I want to not participate but doing this is probably one of those things that's better in hindsight (like getting out for a walk or cooking something fancy for yourself). Count me in if this ends up happening. My email is in my profile.
Nope... I am the opposite. Kinda calm, and enjoying NYC/Manhattan being a quitter place.
I am mostly an introvert though, but had some major FOMO before covid.
I attribute this sense of tranquility/calmness as all that FOMO is gone, since pretty much everyone is in the same boat.
I also have created a routine and I go out every day, and work outside for at least one hour. Before it was in the parks, but now that is a bit chillier at outdoors at coffee places. Many coffee places have outdoor seating, so I use that as much as I can, before it gets too cold. I bundle up, and have noticed that I can work outside up to 42-44F so far. Not sure how will it be one it gets colder. Weather in NYC has been lovely so far though.
I miss playing sports though (soccer and volleyball), and the occasional dating, but I don't feel bad at all since everyone is in the same boat.
For the winter, I highly suggest to get some good yellow spectrum lighting in your apt. and also buy a powerful projector, and project movies/games in a whole wall. I have noticed that using a 2000lumens projector daily, instead a normal TV has made a huge improvement in my mood, and almost eliminated that SAD feeling you get in November.
TLDR:
1. Develop a routine where you go outside, to work/read, for at least one hour a day. Be friendly with the local baristas. Just somme chatting and in-person interaction every day, makes a huge difference.
2. Visit/explore different parts of the city, every week. Use a bike, so you don't have to use public transportation.
3. Buy a powerful projector, and watch TV/youtube, play games on it, for those days that the weather is not good.
4. Make your apt, room ambient look and feel nice, get some good lighting.
5. Get a regular cleaner. (I usually leave the apt. for most of the day when a cleaner comes). A clean/neat apt improves your mood a lot.
6. Start new things (either projects, books, games, whatever), so you don't feel stale, and experience new things.
That's true... you are right. You have to have the basics first (shelter and food). But I am talking to folks that have some shelter, and income, yet still feel depressed due to the whole pandemic thing.
> I have noticed that using a 2000lumens projector daily, instead a normal TV has made a huge improvement in my mood, and almost eliminated that SAD feeling you get in November.
This is brilliant (pun intended!) Also a good way to mess with circadian rhythms if used after 6pm-ish (unless you use f.lux)
My wife left me shortly before the pandemic started. I tried leaning on alleged friends for emotional support and they bailed on me. I don't have any family here in the US.
The pandemic hit and I had to stop practicing my sport.
My work output has been 10-20% of what it used to be even though I don't have kids to deal with, or any of the things that are driving folks crazy. It takes me around 2h to make myself get out of bed every day.
Fortunately, therapy has been helping little by little.
Look for a rescue that will let you give it a try, as it were, for a month, and if it doesn't work out you can return the animal without issue (so you won't feel like you have to keep the cat if it isn't working out).
I did that back when I first was on my own and wanted a pet...and then found my allergies couldn't handle it. Was so thankful to be able to return her to a good home. Her personality changed completely, too (which wasn't a problem, except she went from being very standoffish, to becoming a complete cuddle bum, which exacerbated my allergies even more).
Try out being a foster for a rescue. It gives you a chance to practice adopting, plus the organization will usually pay for supplies and medical costs. And if you're a "foster failure" (i.e. you keep your temporary guest permanently) that's not the worst thing in the world.
I just adopted a 1yr old cat. It’s been wonderful. He’s a little monster, but he’s also on a routine, and is someone else to care for. It keeps me in sync, and I’ve been much better for it.
It’s obviously a long commitment, but I had been wanting a cat for a while.
At the same time, I’ve been actually getting help psychiatrically, which has been life changing.
This is questionable advice to someone who’s struggling. A dog is a lot of work, which might be great if it motivates someone. And a dog is a fantastic companion, I know that this past few months would have been a lot more difficult for me without my pup. But they’re living beings, they deserve to be brought into homes where their care is assured. You don’t just “get” a dog. It’s a commitment and a lot like caring for a person. It can also be that rewarding. But a dog isn’t something you go pick up at the store on a lark to feel better.
As a person who’s now glad to have a pup: go spend time with a dog or three. Take your friends’ or neighbors’ dogs out for a while and see if you feel like the company is beneficial and if you want that responsibility. If you do, awesome! If you like the hangouts and don’t want one of your own, awesome! If it’s not for you, now you know but you tried a thing and that’s awesome too!
I'm sure your suggestion is coming from a good place, but dogs can be quite a burden sometimes, and taking care of them properly is a responsibility. I am taking care of a dog right now that has real barking issues and it's quite annoying but I can't blame the dog.
Damn, that's a shitty hand you've been dealt. I hope you find your luck turning around, and I hope you can allow yourself to operate at 10-20% without too much judgement; an individual can only accommodate so much at once.
Thank you for sharing this on HN. It's always good for us, as a community, to acknowledge the less ebullient, bullish sides of our lives.
Yeah, it hasn't been easy. But I still count myself lucky, since a lot of people everywhere have had it much worse.
Regarding work, I was a dumbass actually. I didn't share with any superior what was going on, spent months both hating myself and also fearing being "found out". But recently I felt so overwhelmed that I had to bring it up. I was afraid to do it, only to find out I should've done it much earlier. My manager and my skip-level were incredibly understanding and accomodating once I shared with them, and even offered to reduce my "available capacity" when planning next quarter's work, with no reduction in salary or anything. Truly amazing.
I'm still quite low in productivity, but it's great to have the space to be so while I sort things out.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been dealing with the exact same situation for the past few months and I am really happy to hear that your manager was supportive.
I am confident that it will get better! And you should be too.
Also, I am not sure if you are doing therapy, but I would really recommend David Burn's CBT guide [1] (the meat of the book is in the first part).
Do you have some savings? You should do a vacation in the south. Get some sunlight in a southern state (Cali, Texas, Florida). With proper planning your interactions with other people can be as minimal as your average gas station run-in.
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[ 3.3 ms ] story [ 361 ms ] threadThe best of luck, really and look after yourself.
Although I don't do this every time I suffer from the symptoms, usually a high intensity workout of some sort (a relatively fast 2 to 3 mile (or further) run, 45-60 min lifting session of fast paced lifts with super sets, etc.) will almost instantly "cure" my symptoms.
I can probably do some research or go see a doctor to confirm whether what I experience is anything potentially connected to depression, but I just haven't been motivated to and again, can usually fix what I'm feeling with a workout. Not really sure how to proceed, if at all...
I'm counting the days to next September.
No advice from my side, as I haven't found any good way. Take care,
Can't wait for daycare and montessori to re-open :(
Also don't undervalue simple symptoms, as those can develop over time into clinical depression.
Take care,
There's gotta be a better way to identify uniqueness.
Other country codes (saying nothing of services available)
https://countrycode.org/
(But really it was just a facetious comment to highlight that 'national' is pretty useless on an international website, without context to help anyway.)
+1 (800) 273-8255 or text HELLO to 741741 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
+1 (800) 799-7233 National Domestic Violence Hotline
+1 (888) 373-7888 National Human Trafficking Hotline
+1 (800)-422-4453 National Child Abuse Hotline
+1 (800)-656-4673 Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)
+1 (800)-985-5990 Disaster Distress Hotline
+1 (866) 488-7386 TREVOR Crisis Hotline
+1 (800) 996-6228 Family Violence Helpline
+1 (800) 784-2433 National Hopeline Network
+1 (800) 366-8288 Self-Harm Hotline
+1 (800) 222-1222 American Association of Poison Control Centers
+1 (800) 622-2255 Alcoholism & Drug Dependency Hope Line
+1 (800) 233-4357 National Crisis Line, Anorexia, and Bulimia
+1 (888) 843-4564 LGBT Hotline
+1 (800) 221-7044 AIDS Crisis Line
+1 (877) 565-8860 The Trans Lifeline
+1 (800) 273-8255 Veterans Crisis Line
These phone numbers were pulled from the following resource which is US-centric but you can call from anywhere if you need the help: https://www.caredash.com/articles/which-online-therapy-servi...
You're just better off just voluntarily commiting yourself to a psych center than calling this number. Unfortunately reality, honestly.
(I seem to recall a comment about this some time ago, but maybe I imagined it.)
Edit: Searched to find it. Didn't find it, but found this story which seems similar (7 days, $16k, personal bankruptcy): https://www.vox.com/2016/2/11/10952078/mental-health-bankrup...
And, because we're in the U.S., if you do have slightly decent insurance, a fair amount of centers people will be sent to will literally work to keep you in there as long as your insurance keeps paying. It's an absolutely special sort of fucked up that doesn't have a fraction of the light shed upon it that it should.
I've been friends with more than one person that have worked in psych wards for more than a year and the blatant fraud they tell me of is just insane.
What are some of the reasons you all have for being depressed?
Also, is this possibly a self selective poll? Are non depressed people not bothering to answer?
“You don’t get depressed because bad things happen to you. . .depression is something that happens like weather to you, it’s inside you. . .it’s not enough to talk yourself out of it by saying, ‘but I shouldn’t be depressed because I’ve got people who are nice to me’. . .It’s very important, at least to get that stage of it out of the way, to recognise it as a mood disorder, as something that is akin to weather.”
I feel like there is a lot of confusion between "Shit Life Syndrome" and depression, and to the people suffering from either I'm not sure the difference is much of a consolation.
I had to put down my childhood dog down today. He was with me every day throughout my depression. It's awful, it hurts and I'll never be able to replace the role that dog played in my life. I don't feel depressed though, I feel distraught.
I'm lucky enough to have lived an incredibly privileged life, with a stable family, excellent education and opportunities etc. so today is the worst I've felt in ages. With that in mind, I don't feel like I can lay claim to even "Shit Life Syndrome", I live in a country that has nearly eradicated COVID, I have a strong support base among family friends and coworkers.
With all that in mind, all I want to drive home is that if you're depressed, you don't need a reason. Though if you do have reasons you could have depression or you could not (I'm never going to tell someone the way they feel is invalid), either way I hope everyone out there is looking after themselves as best they can.
Depression isn’t sadness, or being unhappy. It’s not even really on the same dimension as those things.
There are things which can contribute to depression: stress, lack of agency etc.
But they won't cause depression in everyone, while someone who is susceptible to depression will fall into depression without those - but they make it more likely.
Also keep in mind that everyone your age is in the same boat this year.
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But compared to the average person, I definitely appear depressed/emo/sad/tired.
And if you were to talk to me in a conversation, I would inevitably drag the conversation (like I am doing now) to be all about my woes, regrets, and how I find living in one of the best first-world cities to be "sad" and lacking of purpose. I will also cynically suggest that everyone else seems so happy and normal, that no one else really has problems. Then you might start to find me off-putting, impolite, condescending, all of which are actually just unwanted side-effects of my symptoms manifesting in social situations; after the conversation ends, I will surely start to ruminate and regret what I said, realizing that I am a PoS for having left a piece of negative energy in the world, and that the world would be better without my negativity. But since everyone in this thread is chiming in about their situation, I feel perfectly at home, because now I don't feel like the odd one out.
Having said that, just taking a simple poll like this is a great starter, I think. Simplified, but very clear and understandable result and also: Easy to conduct.
With regard to emotion, like I said, mindfulness isn't meant to eliminate emotions, or even eliminate negative emotions. If something makes you mad or angry, you may carry that emotion into later tasks. Mindfulness is about recognizing the anger, acknowledging it, but understanding not to project onto other things.
There's probably more to it, but I was trained in mindfulness by proxy of martial arts (that was the study) [1]. I never studied it outright and only took a Mindfulness Attention Awareness Scale survey a few times over a few years. The paper I linked might give you some ideas on what mindfulness is.
[1] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.2466/22.23.PMS.116.1...
My personal experience with the book, and mindfulness in general, is that it has significantly transformed my life for the better. I say that despite the fact that my practice of mindfulness has been pretty poor, but I keep working on it.
I don't subscribe to what I would call woo woo thinking or philosophy, so I was pretty skeptical at first. However, the fact that this book was written by a medical doctor helped me overcome my skepticism. My initial attempts at mindfulness meditation, however unskilled it was, sealed the deal.
It has been incredibly helpful (beyond what I originally thought was possible) to use the techniques of mindfulness to be able to notice the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing, without judgement, and then gently, and purposely direct my attention towards something more positive or peaceful. I use the techniques, even if just a little bit, every day. It's helped my emotional self-regulation, my relationships, and my ability to focus on work. It's helped me cope with pain, and maintain resilience even when I was feeling particularly low.
There are lots of wonderful books on this subject. Another great one is "Happiness" by Matthieu Ricard (another scientist). Sam Harris talks about mindfulness extensively, so you might check his work, and his app (although the app is a paid service).
[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism#Seligman's_me...
He starts with testing where the patient rates their feelings such as sadness, anxiety, depression, etc. on a scale of 1-10 before every therapy session, then works through one of these events of bad feelings - what triggers it, why, trying different techniques to help get past it, and finishes a couple of hours later with the same test to see if the symptoms improved. Test-driven therapy, honing in on techniques which help people feel better quickly, and rejecting those which don't.
He works on distorted thinking patterns and practicing rebalancing them. e.g. when you feel bad in some way, some of these patterns might be happening: https://worksheets.ambrasta.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/p... can you notice them as they happen and use these approaches to change them when they happen: https://glassempty.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/10ways.png
His more recent work is on identifying and unhooking the thought patterns which resist change, which say "I deserve to be miserable" or "I should feel guilty it's my fault", or "my boss is superior so I have to feel inferior" and then developing techniques to change those.
It's a very practical kind of therapy - not ten years of talking, not digging through a lifetime of history, or making grand diagnoses, but what can help you feel better about a specific thing next week, this week, today?
Related, his Feeling Good podcast series - contains a lot of updated ideas and techniques since the first book was written - https://feelinggood.com/list-of-feeling-good-podcasts/
And for as long as I've had one, not one bad weekend can't be fixed by a short ride.
I mostly feel fine off my meds, though lately I am finding it harder to stay positive. Random negative thoughts surface more often, and it's difficult at times to deal with them. I think the current situation with lockdown and covid is having a toll on my mental health.
I'm not depressed, but I'm scared I may end up depressed again...
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association: 1-800-662-HELP
National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK
Free Crisis Text Helpline: 741-741
Trevor project Helpline (crisis intervention specialized in LGBT issues) : 1-866-488-7386
Someone told me about talklife app. Never tried it but for english speakers it might be of use.
Also more and more I think it's good to cut off if possible, time off in the green is surprisingly "replenishing".
g'luck
Anytime I start feeding bad, I either go for a walk to get the blood flowing, or I realized that in 1914, teenagers were drafted and thrown into a trench to fight and die for 4 years. After that was said and done, the survivors got to experience the Spanish Flu, which killed more people than they meat grinder war they just survived. After a nice 12 year break (0 years if they were a farmer), they got to experience the Great Depression for 12 or so years, followed by WWII, which managed to be even more horrific than the first one.
The covid crisis made my issues boil over to the point of losing relationships, friendships and attempting to take my own life twice (before I found the therapist).
I am mostly an introvert though, but had some major FOMO before covid.
I attribute this sense of tranquility/calmness as all that FOMO is gone, since pretty much everyone is in the same boat.
I also have created a routine and I go out every day, and work outside for at least one hour. Before it was in the parks, but now that is a bit chillier at outdoors at coffee places. Many coffee places have outdoor seating, so I use that as much as I can, before it gets too cold. I bundle up, and have noticed that I can work outside up to 42-44F so far. Not sure how will it be one it gets colder. Weather in NYC has been lovely so far though.
I miss playing sports though (soccer and volleyball), and the occasional dating, but I don't feel bad at all since everyone is in the same boat.
For the winter, I highly suggest to get some good yellow spectrum lighting in your apt. and also buy a powerful projector, and project movies/games in a whole wall. I have noticed that using a 2000lumens projector daily, instead a normal TV has made a huge improvement in my mood, and almost eliminated that SAD feeling you get in November.
TLDR: 1. Develop a routine where you go outside, to work/read, for at least one hour a day. Be friendly with the local baristas. Just somme chatting and in-person interaction every day, makes a huge difference.
2. Visit/explore different parts of the city, every week. Use a bike, so you don't have to use public transportation.
3. Buy a powerful projector, and watch TV/youtube, play games on it, for those days that the weather is not good.
4. Make your apt, room ambient look and feel nice, get some good lighting.
5. Get a regular cleaner. (I usually leave the apt. for most of the day when a cleaner comes). A clean/neat apt improves your mood a lot.
6. Start new things (either projects, books, games, whatever), so you don't feel stale, and experience new things.
Step 0: Be in a good place in life and have money.
If only things could be so simple...
This is brilliant (pun intended!) Also a good way to mess with circadian rhythms if used after 6pm-ish (unless you use f.lux)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFIa-Mc2KSk
My wife left me shortly before the pandemic started. I tried leaning on alleged friends for emotional support and they bailed on me. I don't have any family here in the US.
The pandemic hit and I had to stop practicing my sport.
My work output has been 10-20% of what it used to be even though I don't have kids to deal with, or any of the things that are driving folks crazy. It takes me around 2h to make myself get out of bed every day.
Fortunately, therapy has been helping little by little.
I did that back when I first was on my own and wanted a pet...and then found my allergies couldn't handle it. Was so thankful to be able to return her to a good home. Her personality changed completely, too (which wasn't a problem, except she went from being very standoffish, to becoming a complete cuddle bum, which exacerbated my allergies even more).
It’s obviously a long commitment, but I had been wanting a cat for a while.
At the same time, I’ve been actually getting help psychiatrically, which has been life changing.
They're very loving - on their own terms. I personally prefer the dumb loyalty of a dog but YMMV
As a person who’s now glad to have a pup: go spend time with a dog or three. Take your friends’ or neighbors’ dogs out for a while and see if you feel like the company is beneficial and if you want that responsibility. If you do, awesome! If you like the hangouts and don’t want one of your own, awesome! If it’s not for you, now you know but you tried a thing and that’s awesome too!
Thank you for sharing this on HN. It's always good for us, as a community, to acknowledge the less ebullient, bullish sides of our lives.
Regarding work, I was a dumbass actually. I didn't share with any superior what was going on, spent months both hating myself and also fearing being "found out". But recently I felt so overwhelmed that I had to bring it up. I was afraid to do it, only to find out I should've done it much earlier. My manager and my skip-level were incredibly understanding and accomodating once I shared with them, and even offered to reduce my "available capacity" when planning next quarter's work, with no reduction in salary or anything. Truly amazing.
I'm still quite low in productivity, but it's great to have the space to be so while I sort things out.
I am confident that it will get better! And you should be too.
Also, I am not sure if you are doing therapy, but I would really recommend David Burn's CBT guide [1] (the meat of the book is in the first part).
[1]: https://www.pdfdrive.com/feeling-good-by-david-burns-e334132...
Right now, there's someone thinking of you and believing that you will continually improve :)