iOS audio app request to coders

Coding for iOS? Please create an app where it amplifies all sound across the platform irregardless (it is a word) of the origination of the audio stream along with a 9-slide position E/Q and here is the clincher, (the hook) have this app automatically read adjust audio level to whatever the fuck it was before the damn phone mutes it and if you touch the screen a smidge wrong you get a written mini me lecture on going deaf before you completely drop what you are doing to get the correct audio feed queued up and back to the previous level (full blast). Keep in mind if they were corded headphones one could tell by measuring the impedance how large and loud the speakers and sound was by inference. There should be coming down the slot new protocols to identify type and size and audio noise level per brand per speaker but till then (spoiler alert) the caveat and reason for guaranteed sales is the volume is mandated to go down as it hits a certain exposure limit on a seven(7) day cycle and APPLE is prohibited from disabling this ‘so called safety cut out switching mechanism’ but with 10x\n apps they will in fact turn a blind eye to an app turning the volume level back up after they have turned it down (?) I’m supposing even if in the neighborhood of microseconds as long as it also interacts with their lectures and teaching on public awareness of the fact that everyone who goes to concerts and other venues where sound levels are hostile without adequate protection or sound deadening earbuds they would not give a fuck bc they would not have someone as the likes of me calling out their bullshit and even further than complaining on why my Red SE2020 came with CORDED HEADPHONES WHY THE FUCK WERE THEY WHITE!!!!!!! APPLE !!! YOU OWE ME A PAIR OF RED!! CORDLESS EARBUDS YOU CHEAP FUCKS!!!! And I want my experimental AI keyboard geared spell correcting sub routine back bc it was perfect and as I am writing this request to coders as to be released to the public domain free of costs