Ask HN: How do you vary couple life during lock-down?
Under lock-down some couples are spending together 24hrs/day, every day, even for months.
With restricted outside activities, how do you introduce variation and leave each other some space?
In my case: we work in separate rooms; we take walks together, watch movies and play chess sometimes. Not too much, looking for inspiration.
49 comments
[ 3.0 ms ] story [ 101 ms ] threadI’ll let you know how it goes.
Pro tip: You'd better accept your partner's ideas at least 50% of the time.
If you’re both into it, maybe a multiplayer game like Diablo or a Lego game could be fun.
For the separate time, try some new hobbies. I started playing guitar again, wife started knitting.
• Cook during the work hours, and see if you can tag team the cooking. Hilarious "failures" are the norm here.
• Plan and make a gift for someone meaningful to you both (if you're into arts and crafts, etsy-style, or any other kind of maker type activity)
• Take an online course together.
• Adopt a pet (unless you already have one, allergies, etc.)
My wife makes fun of me when I propose that.
Most parents will say it gets loads easier after those first few years. Poor sleep makes everything harder.
It gets better.
On the rare times he's been sick I stay home and take care of him, and don't even pretend to work. Too much "Daddy play with me", "Daddy look at this", etc. Even if he's basically sofa/bed-bound and sleeping all day I can't work.
At least in Finland we're allowed to have 9ish days of paid leave a year to take care of a sick child.
Totally feel you re side projects and learning new stuff though. There’s just no time and very little will. You need to find new ways to be effective with your time and energy, which can include making tough decisions about where you prioritise both.
Hang in there dude!
It's not easy, but I love them.
Btw, my kids are 5 and 7 - to those of you with <4 years old kids, don't lose hope. As they grow and get more independent it gets easier. You'll have more time to get back to your side projects.
Look at this situation from the bright side - you are there for them now, when they need you the most, when their personalities are formed. Enjoy every moment, it will pass quicker than you think. Before you know it they'll be kicking you out of their room. And you'll be sad about it. ;)
Things that have worked for us...
With the kids... family walks and car rides.
After bedtimes... grown up dinner + korean dramas. wine.
We also have a couple games that are fun when we can sneak them in - 5 crowns (5 suit rummy card game), star crossed (2 player role-playing game that uses a jenga set), lots of trivia couples betting (no fact checking to see who is right about something without making a honey-do bet about it)
Playing different video games (Don't Starve, Animal Crossing, Luigi's Mansion).
Actually love the increased time together. I thought about heading up with chess against each other too. We played some Jaipur and Dominion.
Though in the end, we moved out and started to go nomadic.
Before the pandemic, my wife and I worked from home while our kids went off to school. That made it really easy to have "special" time without concern for the kids hearing us or walking in on us.
With schools doing remote learning, that's no longer possible. Which means we're at the mercy of whenever the kids are soundly asleep at night. Which means we're more tired during those encounters, and it messes up our sleep schedules.
It's one reason I'm really, really looking forward to school returning to normal next fall (fingers crossed).
Try to make some artistic photos of each other. Try to research some poses and lightning and recreate it with whatever you have available.
Try playing some board games, like Carcassonne.
If you both like puzzle try to race to solve a puzzle (like Consecutive Sudoku) or solve it together.
Buy and assemble some furniture or some toy kit together.
Learn to play some computer game together like Don't Starve Together.
Basically have fun together by competing and cooperating and creating stuff without any expectations. Do stuff you never done before.
Also some day trips exploring nearby sites that were still open during shelter in place.
I think it's fun to pick a direction and drive in it for a few hours. For me it's been a great way to discover more of the less-travelled Bay Area counties where crowds can be hard to even come by: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXh0bQIZw1g
It might not comply with the exact wording of "staying in [our] residences to the extent possible", but it seems foolish to think I'd be hurting myself or anyone else going between my garage, an enclosed but well-ventilated glass bubble, and my garage again. I do avoid stopping anywhere however :)
DM me if you want my sensei's contact details, she's joyful and makes the sessions great.
I don’t really have much to offer beyond what you’re doing but spontaneity is nice. Today we both felt like shit with what went down in the capitol yesterday do we said fuck it, called out of work tmrw, and we’re currently in a hotel room on the coast drinking beer and eating pizza on the bed (well, we were, now it’s “friend phone time”).
Aside from that: working out together and drives out in the countryside.
We cannot work in the same room.
Actually her 50% time for kids works out great. My kid was 100% time and while I really really enjoyed the time I also didn't work at all for those years. Or rather I tried once for about 18 months and it was really almost impossible.
I recommend Kenjis book "The Food Lab" and just going through the recipes and learning the science behind them together