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Ask HN: Solo founders, how do you overcome isolation?

21 points by alessiosantocs ↗ HN
Hi all, I've been working on my own for some years now on a saas business now generating around 5k/MRR.

I've enjoyed being able to work by myself in the past few years and didn't really feel the need of a co-founder or a pal in my team with whom to talk about the business you know (I have a couple of contractors on the team).

Since the pandemic hit, I've started feeling more and more isolated and I've realized how I'm actually needing someone to talk to on a daily basis about the struggle of the business, discuss ideas about the product and so on...

How do you go about finding someone like that in a moment like this?

27 comments

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buffaloo
If part of your question relates to loneliness, get a dog.
greazy
That's terrible advice.
RemingtonLak
Actually if you think about it, it may not be. He will need to take it for a walk and you never know. He may run into someone else walking their dog. Now they have a common activity. Actually it's a great idea. Take the dog out to different neighborhoods to walk it.

It seems you simply need something in common to start a conversation. You never know where that might lead to. The funny part is, while his dog is sniffing/scoping out the other person's dog. You have nothing better to do except to why not strike up a conversation... "say..does your pooch always sniff like that?"

Grustaf
There are simpler ways to have something to talk about... Join a climbing gym, start skateboarding or take up any other sport or hobby!
RemingtonLak
in the middle of a pandemic? Not a likely scenario you can do today. Maybe in a year? However, one must walk their dogs and it's outside. Safest way to converse with someone currently. But even the activities you've mentioned, still hard to approach/interrupt a stranger who's working out or in general busy for a conversation with a complete stranger. In most case, when that happens, they're trying to sell you something or invite you into a cult.
Grustaf
Maybe sports are different where you are. I’ve never been approached by cult members, either at the skatepark or the climbing gym...
alessiosantocs
True. All these things are going to be difficult right now - if one is trying to be cautious about the pandemic. I'm doing skateboarding only because it's a big outdoor space and the risks are very low. Most of the other skateboarders are either kids or adults very focused on their practice - as am I. I'm wondering if anyone knows any existing communities or groups of solo founders that are looking to build a friends support network.
Grustaf
So you already skate? That’s great! In my experience adult skateboarders are always more than happy to meet others. To be fair that goes for skaters of any age.
alessiosantocs
Yes I do, for the past 6 months or so. I don't know if I could find people that are entrepreneurs, that has similar interests and have a family here in Bali, but I could try :)
Grustaf
If you're in Bali you should really be surfing now. Put down hacker news right away please.

There should also be a bunch of "digital nomads" running companies and surfing in Bali that you could be hanging out with, and can stand their smugness... I mean if you specifically want to meet entrepreneurs. I'm sure there are even dedicated living communities for digital nomad surfers.

PEOPLEgetoff
Skateboarding is a big thing and can really help you :) I think IndieHackers and solofounder.club might be worth checking.
alessiosantocs
lol I haven't added any context around my life in my post. I am very lucky as I do have a lot of company in the house: my wife and 4 little children and we live in Bali :) Still, I feel isolated in my work and I find it really hard to make friends that I can also talk to about anything you know.
segmondy
Just ask if someone with similar interest wants to buddy up and chat from time to time. Feel free to ping me, I up for occasional chat once or twice a week about running your own tech biz. You can also checkout indiehackers.com, you might find more solo tech entrepreneurs on there.
alessiosantocs
Hey segmondy, thanks for your comment and for sharing your ideas! I'll ping you up so we can connect.
santa_boy
I've been in a similar situation. Most of the aggravation is because of doing it all myself and not being a particularly social network communication type.

I've hired a few and improving on social outreach too. I think it is helpful because engagement creates a community by itself. And, delegation is extremely rewarding when done reasonably right.

Both of them inherently create a discussion board and a decent platform to express thoughts.

alessiosantocs
Thanks santa boy How hard was it for you to do social outreach and how did that work for you? Did you find any good friends? I am in the process of delegating stuff to another person in the team because a lot of the anxiety for me comes from those boring but important things like accounting and such.
RemingtonLak
Hard problem. If someone else out there is in the same boat. How would that person find you?

If you can answer that, then you've found your answer and on your way of solving one of the biggest issue straight men are facing.

I'm in the same boat as you thus scoping out HN right now ;-), but also do Reddit and Indiehackers.com. I'm finding it's harder to find someone to befriend than it was finding my soulmate! Seriously.

Other places due to my interests are arduino/ESP8266/IoT forums. As for late, I'm been active on Hubitat forums since I'm trying to hobble together a worthy home automation and security. Lot of great people but hard to "connect" as a friend in forums. They are there to find solutions, not friends or at least I think they are?

It's almost as if one needs to "invent" match.com for for friends ;-) FriendFinder site start with that mantra where the founder started out looking for golf buddies only to find out most men that are looking are looking for one thing....

Incidentally, great podcast on this subject: https://www.npr.org/2018/03/19/594719471/guys-we-have-a-prob...

I've been looking long and hard to try to find a solution to this problem. Women simply do NOT have this problem. Only men and it's becoming an epidemic of sorts. My father died "lonely", while my mother thrived with friends and same as for my in-law's. Men just do not want to talk, approach or converse with other men unless forced to. Stigma men seem to unwilling to let go.

Sorry, rambling since I got tired of coding and was looking for a break by reading HN ;-)

alessiosantocs
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

This is an interesting point of view that I haven't thought about before. I agree with the fact that men are generally less inclined to speak openly about their feelings, worries and such.

I realized I haven't shared my gender in my post so it's interesting to see how other people relate to my question.

Does anyone know any groups or communities we lonely guys could join to find like-minded solopreneurs to support each other and create meaningful relationships?

j45
You might be interested the community around microconf.
alessiosantocs
Thanks j45, I didn't know about this. It looks like a great community of SaaS founders!
j45
It really is. Glad you find it interesting.

There are a few podcasts too of interest, including Startups for the rest of us by Rob Walling and Mike Taber

dragosdev
I felt the same way, until I found a friend who has been doing the same, so we vent to each other almost daily.

I'm still solo, but he built a team (and got to YC while I got rejected) so there is a lot to go at :)

alessiosantocs
Hey dragosdev, how did you find your friend? Did you go about in communities or did it happen at yc? Thanks a lot for sharing
leandot
HN and Indie Hackers are good communities for this, just reach out and I am sure there will be people who'd like to chat. Feel free to reach out to me too if you wish, I run a startup as well (not solo).
alessiosantocs
Hey leandot, thanks a bunch for the suggestion! And thanks for your availability, I'll reach out to you now ;)
makeee
Hey, I've been a solo-founder for the past decade and happy to chat anytime. Twitter/email in bio.

You may like https://startupschool.org, as they have weekly group sessions where you can talk about your struggles. I took part for two batches and met some other solo-founders that I've stayed in touch with.

alessiosantocs
So nice of you to comment. Thanks for the recommendation, I'll try to join startupschool.org. Connecting with you on twitter now :)