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Ask HN: How can I become a better listener?

26 points by whitepaint ↗ HN
One of my biggest problems I have is that sometimes when I listen to some podcast, or some youtube video, or I am just conversing with someone, my mind goes to another thing and I just forget what was just said. It happens often that my mind just drifts off and I sometimes even need to repeat a video multiple times to get it.

So, my question is, how can I become a better listener and remember more what is said?

Thanks a lot.

20 comments

[ 3.0 ms ] story [ 52.3 ms ] thread
paulz_
It sounds like you're trying to improve you're ability to focus as much as anything. Consider mindfulness meditation.

Essentially you sit in a quiet room and focus on your breath. You'll find this very difficult and your mind will wander. When you notice that your mind has wandered return your attention to the breath. Do your best not to be frustrated by this experience. You'll find even after much practice your mind still wanders away from the breath constantly. This is normal and happens to everyone.

Don't beat yourself up for your thoughts drifting while practicing. You almost want to be smiling at noticing how much the human mind does that. Think more on those terms.

You may find as you practice you'll get better at noticing your mind wandering in every day life and returning your focus to what you were doing. I also find that when practicing daily focus in general comes more easily.

kar5pt
I've been doing mindfulness meditation for around 7 years now (I also have ADD). It helps my focus a bit, but comes with diminished returns over time. I meditate for other reasons but I wouldn't recommend it just for focus. The amount of time and effort it takes isn't worth the marginal benefit to concentration. I still struggle with the same focus problem OP does.
Pyramus
YMMV and there will be definitely be people like yourself, but from my own experience and the research I've read, this is exactly what mindfulness meditation is targeted at:

1. The ability to detect the mind wandering off.

2. The ability to re-direct attention.

There are studies showing that neural circuits linked to 1 + 2 are strengthened when doing mindfulness meditation. This benefit is specific to mindfulness meditation, and hasn't been shown for other types of (secular) meditation like transcendental meditation or relaxation exercises.

patatino
You could try to listen to it faster than 1x, maybe 1.25x or 1.5x.

Maybe video/audio is not for you? I have a big problem listening to something when I know I can read the same information in a couple of minutes. Why should I listen/watch a 30min tutorial?

I see podcasts mainly as entertainment, not a problem when you drift away a little. You don't miss much.

murrain
Speeding up YouTube to 1.8-2.2x really helped my ability to focus on it. I use a Firefox addon called Video Speed Controller.
bitxbitxbitcoin
If you find yourself getting distracted when listening to or watching something, try listening/watching at 2x speed.
vulcan01
Now only if I could set my teachers to 2x speed as well...

The issue with this solution is that your brain gets comfortable watching videos at 2x speed, making it even harder to focus on people when they're discussing something with you live.

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softwaredoug
I don’t just listen to the person, I breath deep and listen to my body and the feelings and underlying emotions bubbling up as I hear their words. If I can recognize these feelings, I can acknowledge them before needing to immediately react and say what’s bubbling up. If it’s particularly important I write it down to bring up when they’re done speaking.

But this is a kind of mindfulness skill that takes lots of practice. Meditation helps, and anything that connects you with your body, so you can learn to accept, acknowledge and respond and not immediately react.

Also I forgive myself a lot for fidgeting. It's natural. I give myself things for my hands to play with.

keiferski
Sometimes, if I have eye strain, I will use a sleeping eye cover mask and listen to an audiobook. After about five minutes, your ability to visualize and remember the words gets noticeably better, even with something super dense like William Gibson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAmurh7HqWI

[dead] Dirlewanger
Your attention span has been fried by the attention economy. Stop using all applications with push notifications on your phone, for one. Controversial take, but: ditch podcasts altogether. Stick with books. After you're done reading them, get out a notebook and start summarizing the major themes of the book. Break it down by chapter/section if you want.

Not sure how to retain stuff from YT videos yet. I also suffer from the needing-to-rewatch-3-weeks-later-to-remember-everything syndrome.

fennokin
Active recall - pause the podcast and talk back to yourself the points being made; rewind to check if you're not confident.
noir_lord
I find this and taking notes help me pay attention, if even if it's just a summary every few minutes.
hollander
I have the same problem, and haven't solved it. I have a book tip: Deep Work by Cal Newport. It's about attention and focus. We're distracted too easily by the well known things: email, smartphone, and the many tasks we have to do each day.

Solution: there is no easy solution.

cafard
If it is not awkward--talking to friends, talking to a significant other--take notes. I take notes in meetings partly to stay focused.
ElectricMind
What exactly your mind wonders to? Another youtube video? Another people talking? Is it because you have FOMO? You feel like you have less time and more information to consume? Lack of focus could be symptoms. Please elaborate more on your analysis of root cause
afarrell
1. Accept that your mind will wander. Forgive yourself for that and practice returning your attention.

2. Make sure you get good sleep/food/exercise.

3. Find another minor thing to do with your hands. Like knitting.

taphangum
Humility.

There's no better way to put your mind into 'listening mode' than to assume that the person in front of you might know something that you don't.

Be humble, and listening will come naturally. The rest is just getting a better memory/knowledge base for better understanding.

joshxyz
Lots of factors really, if topic is interesting, if talker is well paced and engaging as a story teller.

if conversing with someone, literally just shut the fuck up[0] and give yourself some time to process the words, the context, the place where ythat person is coming from.

cheesy way to put it is put yourself in their shoes, listen to understand and respond correctly, instead of just waiting for your turn to talk.

[0] intentional fuck here for emphasis, it took me time to adjust to this, it is not something you just turn on like a flick of switch, it takes practice to really listen

runawaybottle
Grow up I guess. Unless you are under 25, you have little excuse not to mature.