Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?
I realized that my decline in mood/productivity/energy is likely the result of chronic stress. I’ve always had trouble managing stress, but lately due to COVID (and a bunch of other reasons) it’s been even harder to manage. How should I deal with it when I don’t have control over the things that are inducing the stress?
Usually, a drink with friends or taking an edible does the trick, but I think this is the first time where nothing seems to be working. My friends say I need a vacation, but I feel like the guilt from not being productive after a long period of being unproductive would only make the stress worse. Should I just play through the pain?
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[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 126 ms ] thread- Daily 60-90min workout first thing in the morning
- One day every ~14 days without Internet
- Turn off inbound info streams as much as possible
- Write down the three most important things of the day on a piece of paper
- Get rid off any to-do list if possible
- Get a hobby that involves working with your hands
- 15min walk after lunch
- Make room for an hour of fun, low mental-load every day
- Check your diet; Get enough fat in the morning, protein for lunch, carbs in the evening
- Supps to try: Tyrosine, KSM-66, Tryptophane, Phosphatidylserine
"Learning to systematically relax the muscles in your body will keep you better equipped to deal with your day to day challenges."
https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-to-do-muscle-relaxation-e...
That said, you can always do both :)
I started doing this back in the mid `80s in Los Angeles because I was stressed something awful. I can say it does work for me and I noticed it right away. That was long before I heard about shinrin-yoku.
When I started doing this I would look for a good place with lots of trees and fresh air, a creek or stream was always good, and I'd pack a small day bag with water and some snacks, a beer and a bud, and go meander around. I'd find a secluded spot to sit and relax for a spell and maybe explore some more or just stay put and soak it in. If you sit still for awhile the forest critters start coming out and doing what they do and it can be a pretty relaxing thing to just sit there and do nothing but observe that.
Here's a link to an article about shinrin-yoku. I'm sure there are quite a few articles about it to be found and I just picked one that seemed to fit the bill. Some of them I've read include some reasoning for how and why this works. All I can say is it worked for me and still does: https://www.rei.com/blog/hike/theres-no-running-in-forest-ba...
I made a point to get outside and away from the constant stress I was experiencing back in the `80s. I was lucky to live near Malibu Creek St Park when it first opened. The first few years almost no one went there and in the winter and early spring it was green and lush and the creek was running and for the most part I had it all to myself.
I noticed right away how much better I felt after spending even just a few hours there. It let me get rid of the grinding tenseness and truly calm down and relax. It was so noticeable that at first I kind of felt guilty afterwards for taking time for myself. But then I realized there was more to it than that. It's not just mental, it's a very physical difference in how you feel. It's replenishing something that's lacking physically. That's the best way I can describe it.
If your body gives you signals it is at or over capacity it is generally a good idea to listen.
I was in a similar situation in April 2020, I first thought I could get by by reducing client projects to just one so I could "power through" the summer. Using weed after hard days to stop my head from spinning so I could sleep. The result was that by September I was in a way worse situation than April. I took a break for 6 months, just started working part-time again a few weeks ago and I'm still struggling to adapt.
Playing through the pain is fine for short bursts. But a human body and mind has limits and can only be pushed so far. I'm always happy to talk for 30-60 minutes in a video call about these kinds of issues if you want to. (I know being able to talk to others with similar issues was really helpful to me)
I’m going to try my best to power through. Mostly because I think I can get through it, but also for financial reasons. I might DM you about that call if I remember tomorrow. I’ve been honest about what I’m going through when I talk to friends, but none seem to understand what it’s like. I really appreciate the offer.
I recognize the guilt feelings. Be careful of vicious cycles related to this. For me feeling guilty about not being productive or honoring commitments was a huge factor in not being able to sleep. And not being able to sleep well impacted productivity the next day, leading to more guilt feelings and less sleep. At some point social activity can be impacted as well leading to isolation.
It sounds like motivating yourself to do something you have to do is hard (work), while something you want to do is easy (animal crossing).
It might be helpful to take some time to just sit and reflect on why you’re having trouble starting work. Write down the things that you’re worried about. The bricks in your wall of awful. Write down what you liked about animal crossing, why you spent so much time on it. And notice the differences between both. Is it interest? Challenge? Freedom? External pressure?
What does the feet shaking do for you?
But for me starting therapy provided a way to address the reasons behind the chronic stress in the first place. For example, it might be worth asking yourself why you feel guilt when you take time to rest.
EDIT: Am I supposed to add this edit section on HN? I forgot to mention why I think I feel guilt. I think it’s because I’m not hitting my timeline and there’s no money coming in. The lack of income is by choice though. I wanted to build out and polish a product I know clients will pay for, but it’s not coming together fast enough. So taking time off when I’m “behind” just feels terrible.
* See a mental health professional
* Exercise
* Eat healthy (I was failing here and stress eating thereby making things worse)
* Social reinforcement. Have friends offline to talk things through
* Spend time on things of interest and be productive
You can improve them with the below:
* Start monitoring your heart rate variability (HRV). You can use HRV to help you understand the triggers for your stress. There’s loads of articles on the web about it. I monitor HRV through the night with Oura ring. Low usually means you are stressed or not recovered.
* Try to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time every day. This is incredibly important and really works.
* If you struggle sleeping, use blue light blocking glasses and try to not use screens which emit blue light after sundown. Also try to get exposure to morning light everyday.
* Don’t eat at least 3 hours before bed!!
* Have your last alcoholic drink 3-4 hours before bed. Don’t drink a lot or cut it out entirely.
* Ensure you remain hydrated throughout the day
* If you can, take cold showers
* Try to meditate for 10-15 mins a day
* Make sure you start relaxing a few hours before bed
* Very important: Try to only eat whole foods. No sugar. No refined carbs. Lots of vegetables. Food has a massive impact on stress levels.
* Eating food you are intolerant to will increase your stress levels. Keep a rough diary of what you eat. If something makes you feel a bit off then make a note and try to narrow down what good it was. Once you know what it is... stop eating that food. You can gradually reintroduce with experiments.
* Exercise is good for stress reduction and resilience. Go running or cycling but.... This is very important: you NEED to monitor your heart rate. If you are not fit or new to exercise then you don’t want to go over 140 bpm. Eg I’ve been running since I was 10 and 80% of my runs are done at 145bpm. I rarely go over 170 bpm because it stresses the body a lot. If you are out of breath then you need to stop or walk. If you keep doing this you will get faster as the same HR (if you care!).
* Don’t read or watch the news.
* Go and sit in a park. Green spaces like parks help to reduce stress. Good luck dude!
Monitoring heart rate is new though. What do I do once I notice it rising? Try to calm down?
HRV is influenced by the autonomic nervous system which has two elements; parasympathetic and sympathetic.
Parasympathetic controls the “rest and digest” side of things and sympathetic controls “flight or fight”. If you are stressed then your sympathetic system is overly engaged and this manifests as a low HRV.
If I overtrain then I get a low HRV because the sympathetic system is overly engaged. Work stress and other things like poor diet will negatively impact HRV. On the other hand, rest, meditation and relaxation will cause it to increase as you engage the parasympathetic system.
A high HRV is indicative of readiness to deal with whatever is thrown at you and you can think of it as resilience which you can build (or lose) over time.
It’s a fairly personal measure and it’s generally not necessary to compare with other people as everyone is different and because many factors affect HRV but what you want to look for are trends in HRV. Upwards means you are recovering/de-stressing. Downwards trend is the opposite.
How do you measure it? Most wearables allow you to measure it. I have a garmin watch which can. Apple Watch also can do it. Most accurate approach would be to use a heart rate strap but that’s probably overkill.
Measure your HRV in the morning at the same time in the same position. After a week of readings you’ll get a baseline and can see how things change from there.
It really is a useful thing to track HRV because your body deals with a lot of daily stress and sometimes you are just not aware of it because it feels like normal or the signals are difficult to interpret.
Good luck!
If you want to learn more about HRV, the Whoop Blog [1] and Whoop podcasts [2] are great resources.
[1] https://www.whoop.com/thelocker/
[2] https://www.whoop.com/thelocker/whoop-podcast-all-episodes/
As well as other suggestions in this thread, some that the book might suggest would include:
- embrace what you cannot control. You cannot control it any more for mentally grappling with it. Instead, build a mindset of being OK living with adversity.
- think of your life as choices, not responses to unavoidable. Sure, life forces us to do things. But really we do have choices, just we don’t like them. You could quit your job and do nothing, and run out of money. It’s not life forcing you to work, it’s you choosing to be employed. You’re choosing the best option for you, not the only one.
- learn to recognise the fight or flight instinct. It is rarely a good advisor, and with training, you can see through it. Quite often things are not as bleak as our mind paints it.
- build goals that you achievable in your current adversity. Make it about something you learn, about yourself or the world or your area of expertise etc. It makes the problem be on your terms, with achievable success, and not indentured slavery.
I know it sounds a bit like magical thinking, but I confirm it works, for both life and climbing.
It is neither good nor bad that you need to rest (mentally or physically), it's just how your body and mind function. Blaming yourself, adding judgement in this won't help, quite the contrary. Sometimes we have energy and we go forward, sometimes we're all stressed out, not feeling well, tired, you name it, and we need to rest. We all have theses cycles, only their duration and intensity varies for each person and it's totally okay. You are legitimate in needing some time off to feel better, the sooner you take some the sooner you'll be able to function again.
Don't put rigor and severity in this but rather self love. Have empathy for yourself in the same way you would if you saw a child in this condition. That's for the immediate term, but in the long run there's no better advice than to see a mental health professional. No book, no youtube video, no HN comment will equal the benefits of professional accompaniment.
Edit: resting can take many shapes. Sleeping, temporarily isolating yourself from your family, practicing an activity you enjoy, traveling, etc. Authorize yourself to do what you want to do without any "I should" / "I shouldn't" judgement.
Zero alcohol consumption. Alcohol dehydrates and depresses.
Still, for me, and I think after a certain point for anyone, there are big some prerequisites, or the good conventional wisdom can break down and be insufficient. Prerequisites including things like like having balance and purpose in life, and a perspective and way of knowing that things will be OK in the long run, that hard things are OK for now, where to find help and solutions, and endure well through the unsolved (for now) things, how & why. I've written much more elsewhere (see profile; nothing for sale but can try answering qs). It is hard, possible for anyone one step at a time, and worth it.