Overcoming a Challenging Situation?
The first several months were alright, but not the best. I was having conflicts with the team leader and interpersonal issues with other engineers. Eventually, a tipping point was reached and I was subsequently removed from the team.
In retrospect, I was experiencing severe anxiety and other mental health issues, in addition to Aspergers. My communication and approach were tuned for the FAANG world. Direct, dry, and opinionated. I didn't take any time to readjust, re-calibrate, or transition into a different working and company culture. I suspect that my mental state was hindering my ability to think rationally.
I was in a "survival mode" and wanted to stick to my existing and known working routine.
I'm troubled with the fact that my colleagues were hurt by me. I'm disappointed with myself that I didn't listen to my partner, my colleagues, or the wisdom of the people around me. I'm sad and frustrated with the overall situation. I know I could have done better, and coming face to face with my social challenges is something that I have been avoiding.
I want to learn and improve from this situation. I want to repair the relationships and earn the trust and respect of my colleagues. I want to grow and be a safe, reliable and trusted person to work with.
Does HN have any wisdom or advice for me?
3 comments
[ 4.6 ms ] story [ 20.1 ms ] threadCertain foods can make you more anxious than others. High sugar, caffeine, etc. To me, it's green veggies (paranoia) and any plant based carb (depression). Others react to dairy or eggs, others to pork. It's worth researching oxolates.
Instead of noticing anxiety, try "I feel threatened by..." not knowing expectations, the environment, coworkers habits, etc...
Check out Byron katie's work, "loving what is". And she has a lot on youtube. Transformation of fear, pain, envy, self loathing, etc.. into something else.
Find a therapist or chiropractic who works with anxiety or trauma, or a coach who can help you fit in faster.
May you find kindness, Stranger
The first job I lost because I didn't show up, did sloppy work, moved too slowly - depression and everything.
The second job I lost because I used my lunch break to nap at my working table (dead tired after carbs), cut off a rude customer and was generally the weird one. (I didn't know there's a code on how to dress, so I wore black long dresses and a big ass straw hat - never occurred to me to change my style to fit in...)
We get and loose stuff for the weirdest reasons, and we learn more when we have a sense of loss.