How do you Get a Job?

Pretty simple question. How do you get a job. I can convince potential congressman and medium-sized businesses to give me money to make websites. But I don't want to work for myself. I want to be lazy and selfish like most of you people. But how do you get a job when you have to talk to an HR employee that failed their way through college and continue to fail their way through a career?

I can't be nice to humans like this. Why do they have so much power?