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Ask HN: I want to quit my job. I have no results for my efforts. Advice?

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Hi. So I've been working at this place as a Junior Software Engineer for about two months and it's been a great experience. I get to work with very experienced and amazing engineers and I am forced to adapt to best practices and it has improved the quality of my work greatly.. But the thing is the pressure is overwhelming. My managers do not give me any pressure and are kind but I still manage to feel this enormous pressure to perform. I put in the hours of work and yet I still have nothing substantial to say or show during standups and when I do manage to get some results and create a PR there's always a problem with it. I have three different tickets and I haven't managed to get any of them merged but my colleagues who were hired with me are making so much progress and getting PR's merged. I do put in hours but apparently they are not enough and I think I'm a bit slow. It makes me very anxious. Sometimes I get so anxious that I get scared of my PC. Anytime I see my PC during a break or the weekend my heart beats uncontrollably. I love this job. It challenges me to work harder but it's getting overwhelming and everyday I have to resist the intense urge to just send a message to my manager that I quit. What should I do? How do I cope?

19 comments

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hourislate
With out any context (first job, just out of school, etc) all I can say is what is quitting going to accomplish, do you think it's going to be different somewhere else? Just keep working and learn as much as you can. Stop being nervous, ask questions and keep improving, build your confidence.
gaws
> build your confidence

Just be confident, bro.

fundamental
This sounds somewhat similar to something I've seen other coworkers of mine go through. From my reading, it seems like most of the pressure described is coming from yourself rather than external sources. Of course I'm not observing your day-to-day and I'm speculating, but if your organization/country provides reasonable healthcare benefits, then it may be wise to use some mental health resources to better manage anxiety or an ongoing imposter syndrome.
hindsightbias
You are clearly learning new things and that is exciting and frightening at the same time. You are not alone. Anxiety issues are very common in this industry and while many on HN may have or had similar experiences it is important to seek out professional counseling. I have seen far too many jr, middle and senior people struggle at points along their careers to think there is one solution for everyone.

It gets better, but everyone needs some help along the way at some point.

treis
It may be hard to see but all those senior engineers you see likely struggled and did stupid shit as juniors. I put out crappy code and broke stuff. And I was one of the top juniors there.

At lot of this depends where you work. Any sort of tech company at scale is ridiculously complicated. Two months is not enough time for senior people to really be fully functional. Certainly not a Junior. You're going to be mostly lost for a year.

First off, stop comparing yourself with others. Don't worry about what the other juniors are doing. Focus on yourself.

Second, work less. You're burning out and the only cure is to not work as much.

Third, focus on one ticket. Take the feedback (and there's always feedback) and do the needful.

About standup, nobody wants you to talk for very long. A simple "I'm working on X, stuck on Y, and doing Z to get unstuck.". If it helps make notes during the day for stuff to talk about in the following standup

tacostakohashi
If you're joining an existing team, it's totally normal that it takes 3-6 months before you're comfortable and productive with the codebase, processes, team members, etc. If you quit and join some other company/team... you will probably have the same experience.

If you felt like this after a year, it would be very concerning, but after two months I'd say you should stick with it and it will get better.

runawaybottle
This is normal. I personally don’t know where the pressure comes from either. If I have to guess, it’s one of those jobs where there is constant deadlines. Imagine your career was just deadline after deadline.

The second thing is we get validation via getting something done and saying so in standup.

If you mix deadlines and validation exhibitionism, you probably get a high pressure career. It’s not the same as a doctor or lawyer where they have to on-the-spot win the case or save the patient. That feels like a different type of pressure creation. Our version is weird and truly feels unnerving.

My only suggestion is to start forgiving yourself within reason. If you need a little more time, take it, and try to feel less shame when you have to say it in standup.

If it helps any, I’ve been working a modest amount of time and only recently began respecting myself when it comes to this.

disrael
People frequently have this misconception that they are competing with their peers. You are competing with people that could have been hired instead of you - not your peers.

And on that front you are diligent and will eventually reach performance, so everyone should be happy with you.

I am a little concerned that you have three different tickets assigned to you. Are you held up on the first two tickets and so need a third one assigned? If you are just working on all three at once then the context switching is bad for you.

If you are held up on the first two tickets does anyone know that? Do you have a way of communicating that you are held up on those tickets and what you need answered?

Graffur
It doesn't sound like you're doing too much wrong. Keep at it. If you really want you could ask your manager for feedback on why your PR aren't being merged and ask for assistance to get the next one merged.
mbrodersen
Some tickets are easy and can be done in minutes. Some tickets take months of research/thinking/coding. Just do the best you can and you will succeed.
kwdc
Looks a little like some Impostor Syndrome mixed in with inexperience mixed in with too high expectations on yourself. Perfectionism isn't a worthwhile attribute and is the enemy of shipping on time.

If you keep messing up the PRs then maybe look at some that were successful. Perhaps something they did that you aren't? Or didn't do but you are?

Consider asking for feedback from someone closer.

burntoutfire
Hang in there. You're learning a ton every week. With time, it will get much easier. Also, don't compare yourself with the collagues that started with you, there are innumerous factors that might make them perform better - maybe they've already worked with similar problems or tech stack before or maybe they just have better genetics (are smarter or can focus for longer - you have to accept that you're not the most gifted person alive and be ok with it).

Also, if you have one-on-ones with manager and they seem like a decent person, you might hint at your frustration with your apparent slow progress. Or you might try discussing it with some senior. If you're likable, a lot of people might jump in at the opportunity to mentor you.

matt_s
Go talk to your manager and say most of what you said above, except the "I quit" part. Your manager is there to help you succeed. They want you to succeed since they picked you over others. Ask for them to provide feedback on a PR and what it needs to get over the finish line. PR's having problems is a good sign that people care and are doing code reviews instead of rubber stamping everything.
lukey_q
I agree with all of this advice, and would just add that if you find yourself turning in PRs that then need some changes before they can be merged, a strategy that worked for me early in my career was reviewing my own code as if I was reviewing another person's pull request. If you have turned in a few PRs that needed work then you already have a few examples of the kind of thing that your colleagues are looking for, and you can look at your own code with those things in mind. If you can, I would try to put a little time between writing the code and reviewing it so your mind can reset a bit. For me that meant wrapping up the code in the evening and then reviewing it first thing in the morning.
joshxyz
Yea this.

PR with problems just needs course corrections on the approach, nothing personal.

sharmi
You are on a steep learning curve. It is good because it means you are learning: tech, tech best practices, about your org, about the product and domain expertise.

On top of that, you got to form lots of new social connections.

Like @disrael aptly put, you are not competing against your peers but those who were not hired.

Observe your peers and recognize that you need to perform like them in a year's timeframes. Not now. Once you change your outlook, it will make it much easier for you to observe and ramp up your learning.

Anxiety is caused when you are able to gauge yourself and your environment. Maybe you are setting yourself work goals when you are spending most of your time learning. It might help you if you can set up learning goals for the next 2 months. That will be a more accurate measure of your productivity.

You can always reexamine your situation after 2 months and adjust your goals accordingly.

gaws
> I've been working at this place as a Junior Software Engineer for about two months

> But the thing is the pressure is overwhelming.

Do you know how many people would kill to be in your position? You're still early in the job. A new job is overwhelming. But, with, time you'll adjust.

fattybob
After 2 months, don’t worry, just try to settle into the environment. Hopefully, After a settling in period, no doubt you will find a lead time in some task, assuming you are able, and your focus will re-adjust to the task in hand s as no less on your self. Try to adjust to long term focus (2 months is really a short time !) and if you’re still feeling lost in 6-8 months, then perhaps reconsider. Pay less attention to you colleagues progress too, if you’re not working on the same tasks, you’ve probably little idea how dimple or challenging their tasks were, focus to you tasks and communicate, ask for guidance and feedback within the teams your working with, that can work in many ways!!
ElectricMind
I am sorry you said quit?? And then what? Something comfortable right? Let's go back in time, how did you learn to walk? Did you quit when you fell down first time? Was learning to walk comfortable?

Mate, remember obstacle is the way. Be grateful you supporting manager and good colleagues around you. Ask for help. No more quitting talk. Break down problem into pieces. Learn learn and grow. Don't squander opportunity given to you , trust me there 10 waiting outside for same opportunity. Good luck there :)