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Ask HN: How do you watch over your kids digital gadgets? (Parental Control)

19 points by praving5 ↗ HN
My son is 10 years old and has online classes. I have been trying to find ways in which I can monitor his activities on Windows 10 laptop and exercise parental control.

To start with, installed https://www.kaspersky.co.in/total-security. It does provide a good view and control over 1) Screen time 2) Searches 3) Websites visited 4) Applications used

Is this good enough?

Which other ways or what else I could do?

23 comments

[ 4.2 ms ] story [ 70.4 ms ] thread
mr_o47
If they own android devices I would suggest Google Family Link as it allows you to control their devices such as installing applications,what websites they visit and how much time they spend on their device.

It has worked really well for me

lakotasapa
Highly recommend routing your DNS pointers on your router to 1.1.1.3 / 1.0.0.3

https://blog.cloudflare.com/introducing-1-1-1-1-for-families...

Just found out there is a huge thread on HN:https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22748141

Better if you get him a middle of the road Chromebook.

praving5
Wow, I didn't know this. This is a great option to filter out content. My problem is to also restricts sites like YouTube (to avoid watching a video when in the class). So, something that also helps me tune at the site-level.
Tepix
Pihole will let you do this
thejosh
Nextdns or pinole is great.
souprock
My situation is far worse. The instructor assigns video that is on YouTube, but the kid would rather watch a different video. The assigned video is boring. It's more fun to watch a normal popular video.

So blocking YouTube won't work, yet most of YouTube needs to be blocked.

praving5
Yes, that is pathetic. Kaspersky allows whitelisting specific URLs. So, entire YouTube can remain blocked but specific URLs can still work. I would download YouTube video and then have my kid watch them if it is course related.
souprock
So it blocks "Malware and Adult Content", but that has never caused trouble in my family. What about the online games that distract from schoolwork, chores, and sleep? YouTube is full of stupid videos. You can even find games on Khan Academy!
brudgers
The first step is being realistic. You can’t lock down the internet. You can’t keep them from using devices you don’t control. You cannot dictate their lives.

The thing to do is talk with them about your worries. To tell them your concerns and seek their help in mitigation.

Open communication and trust are the only long term solutions. Not technology. There is no silver bullet.

It’s not a matter of key performance indicators. Screen time is integral to many lives today.

It would be great to get all the TPS reports you want. It won’t replace having a close relationship with your child. Developing trust. Providing safe room for mistakes. Good luck.

skydhash
Pretty much this. Even if you lock down devices inside your house, they could have friends with looser rules to let them do whatever. It's best to teach them proper behavior than try to enforce them.
brudgers
I think more in terms of judgement than behavior. Judgement is a better topic of conversation.
stevenicr
After a bunch of research many times - I figured that Disney Circle was the best option technically.. there are one or two similar open source options but I heard they are hard to work with and I don't think they do phones - just basic DNS poisoning at your router level.

Having many conversations about sextortion, kids getting charged with under-ag-pron for taking or sharing pics and similar things that are in the news..

being open to listening about the silly stuff they get into makes it so they can open up to you about confusing stuff they may find I think..

I learned from a friend that there are subtle things being pushed in regular TV shows if you look for it - and to fight the propaganda hidden in media and games you have to watch and get to know the games and media..

skipping through a game walk through on youtube can be helpful..

I really really want to help create a listening device like alexa - offline recognition, that parses lists of words and only notifies parents if they hear a set of words on the list that was released a while back.. like the top 100 words used in discussions when people are suicidal.. sadly such a system would likely also be used to notify parents if their kids were talking about 'sex word / gay word / drug word' - and I don't think most parents are prepared for level headed discussions about those things - certainly not like a well trained teen counselor should be.

Most kids will find ways to surf the things you want to prevent - whether it's a vpn app - or surfing via other devices and networks.

I made it a point to show how to double check information whether it's health or sex or whatever and what good sources may look like.

I frequently remind to double check what other portals say before trying anything you hear or see online in the real world..

the 'bernie sanders glow stick pride' thing may have been a meme on fbook or tumblr or something - but the lesson applies to tiktok challenges or strange pron their friends may share - double check, and further research - cuz the glow stick directions actually made mustard gas that didn't glow, but the meme looked so cool -

luckily there is plenty of news on a regular basis that is not so prude and gives plenty of fodder to further discuss how these issues become serious problems for other people and how to avoid such in your own lives.

I am glad we can discuss deep topics, because there are serious things in simple games even these days - and I disagree with the ratings given to all of them -

in our house there are games and media that may be rated T for teen that are off limits and some that are mated M for mature that are okay with discussions -

There are no tech solutions to fix the indoctrination in assassins creed, broadcast TV, or the youtube rabbit holes - aside from turning off the TV / no internet.

I try to guide to wholesome media with life lessons and games with good messages - but the quick media of tiktok / snapchat and similar it's hard to compete.. it's best to be a good ear and open to discussions than to try to block it all imho.

/noncomplete random thoughts; ymmv for sure.

oh, and, discussions about how people in the internet can get a few bits of info over time and use that to pinpoint your location, your school.. exif data in photos.. oh so much to teach at that age.

TurboHaskal
I'll be the one to say that I find monitoring searches and website visits by your son incredibly disturbing.
praving5
Why is that? Don't you like to watchful for physical injuries? Then, why not emotional and age-related mental injuries caused due to unsound exposure to say adult content?
mustacheemperor
Some parents monitor their children in that manner via a relationship of honest communication and trust, where the child feels inclined to share disturbing or confusing experiences with their parent.

With today's technology you could also simply require your child to maintain an ongoing speakerphone call with you the entire time they are at school, so you can monitor emotional and age-related mental injuries caused due to unsound exposure to bullies and other students who have unrestricted internet access. That seems intrusive, just like active web traffic censorship.

For what it's worth OP, my parents' own netnanny experiment was what introduced me to the magic of Ubuntu Live CDs and from there, Linux and programming. So maybe circumventing parental controls can be a valuable learning exercise for the motivated student.

matt_s
At 10yo they are in like 5th grade and at an inflection point learning about human bodies, reproduction, etc. You need to educate them first about online safety, personal information (inclusive of images), potentially dangerous interactions, etc. Chances are they will want to just goof off and watch YouTube which is harmless.

A comment commonly brought up here is if an employer has big brother software watching everything you do its a red flag and probably not a place one wants to work. You're essentially doing that to your kid. My kids are older but I don't monitor what they are looking at with software but I do ask what they're watching. At 10yo they probably just need supervision, not monitoring. I see those as different like I supervise employees doing work - check in on them, talk about how things are progressing, if there are barriers/issues, etc. Monitoring is more like automated micro-managing using time tracking.

Educating about having time for school and time for play/goofing off is important. I would suggest different device for the online goofing off or maybe a different login. Maybe even a different location in your house so its clear that its not learning time. Play screen time for us becomes an issue if grades are slipping then they get less play screen time. If they can keep up good grades and goof off in class watching minecraft videos, then so be it.

praving5
>If they can keep up good grades and goof off in class watching minecraft videos, then so be it.

There is one thing probably that you are missing that the kids at this age should learn to respect and honour boundaries. They should known what is acceptable -vs- not. Just because you are in digital screen, does not mean you can do whatever. How would have teacher taken it if the kids watch a video during a live lecture.

Sometimes, talking with kids is one thing and having them to behave correctly is different. There are also cultural issues in place :-)

matt_s
Yes, I agree. If there is dead time in class, like presentation is done and its do your work time and your kid gets the work done properly and still has like 10 minutes. Are they supposed to stare at a blank screen for 10mins? This is usually when in-person they would be doodling, doing something else quietly to not disturb others. If they can be disciplined about it and still do well in school then I wouldn't have a problem as a parent.
lurker137
I don't think there is a problem with monitoring his activities as long as you make sure to tell him so. It may seem obvious but not to my dad apparently
thiago_fm
Just stop being manipulative.

Let's be honest, your son is in an age with many changes and now or in the next 2-3 years he'll start to watch porn and just in general explore life.

If you have doubts of how to do handle this situation, go see a psychologist, they will help you to comprehend that situation.

Nobody really likes control and he'll likely have a hard time and even get into very bad behaviour if he figures out that everything he does you want to control and censor. Instead try to build a relationship of trust, that he can be open about the new challenges he has in life, about his love life and what he may share and want to discover and do in life.

He isn't a part of you and he'll do whatever he wants, the earlier you accept this and try to support him, the better.